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Feeling like im just spectating my life.

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You are not stupid, far from it. I know exactly how you feel because I've felt the same for most of my life. As your quote suggested it has to do with a feeling of not being in control of your own life, and though it sounds easy to fix - okay then just take control - it is far from easy to actually do. I had a dream once where no one could see or hear me and I kept trying to get them to but I realised I was dead or a ghost or something. I am so sorry you feel this way I know how painful it is.

the technology today gives us the freedom to be whoever we want, pulling us from our real self... forgeting who we are.

I've been through that but in the end you still have to face up to who you really are. I also do not know who I am, never have. The only words I have that I hope might help you in some way are that you seem quite young still so please have hope. This site has helped me a lot and I hope it can help you too - just give yourself time.

but when I'm with other people I feel unreal.

And I think it is because I'm not myself in social places,

I think this has to do, in my own instance anyway I don't know if it's the same for you, with not being able to be yourself perhaps from fear that people might not like the real you or other factors.

How do you feel about yourself? Do you like yourself? Learning to like ourselves for what we are, as we are is part of being able to be ourselves with others I think.

There are many good people on these forums and they have reached out so many times to help others as I'm sure they will to you. Don't give up. Don't give up hope in yourself. :)

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I'm glad you went to the school nurse and hopefully now you will be on a path that will give you some help. You said that the nurse spoke to your parents so you wouldn't have to - have they discussed what she told them with you? I hope they are being supportive. Why are you hesitant about saying yes to see the professional? Don't you think you should give her/him a try?

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