Article on Small Penis Syndrome (sevencounties.org)

[Silence0095]

I read this article tonight and found that it described all of the facets of "penis complex" very accurately: the cognitive "rigidity" (the feeling, sometimes subtle, that the bleakest point of view must be the most accurate), the developmental issues (relating to women not as 'peers' but as cruel goddesses/mother figures), the inverted narcissism (obsession with myself as sexual object), the fascination with generalizations (all women care about penis size, etc). To see all of these thought patterns, which usually seem so private, laid out in this public article reaffirmed my sense that this truly is a "syndrome", not an authentic assessment of ourselves but a structure of distorted thoughts/feelings that's taken hold of us somehow. Reading the article helped break the spell a bit, I'm hoping it has that effect for some of you as well.

http://www.sevencounties.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=24026&cn=1

I apologize if this article has been posted already, I searched for it and didn't come up with anything. There are a few other articles on penis anxiety on the same site, I'm going to check them out tomorrow.

Great to see some men with similar anxieties and experiences, looking forward to discussing them.

- Paul

[Anonymous2014]

I read this article tonight and found that it described all of the facets of "penis complex" very accurately: the cognitive "rigidity" (the feeling, sometimes subtle, that the bleakest point of view must be the most accurate), the developmental issues (relating to women not as 'peers' but as cruel goddesses/mother figures), the inverted narcissism (obsession with myself as sexual object), the fascination with generalizations (all women care about penis size, etc). To see all of these thought patterns, which usually seem so private, laid out in this public article reaffirmed my sense that this truly is a "syndrome", not an authentic assessment of ourselves but a structure of distorted thoughts/feelings that's taken hold of us somehow. Reading the article helped break the spell a bit, I'm hoping it has that effect for some of you as well.

http://www.sevencoun...c&id=24026&cn=1

I apologize if this article has been posted already, I searched for it and didn't come up with anything. There are a few other articles on penis anxiety on the same site, I'm going to check them out tomorrow.

Great to see some men with similar anxieties and experiences, looking forward to discussing them.

- Paul

Hi Paul. Welcome to the community. I do believe I read this particular article before, but I don't recall

the name of the psychologist who wrote it.

[Victimorthecrime]

Oh yeah that is the essay that started it all. I will give the author points for a sincere effort using the tools of his obviously impressive education but sentences like (paraphrasing) "these men are focused on how to please women rather than on how women can please them" just mystify me.

[Resolute]

Oh yeah that is the essay that started it all. I will give the author points for a sincere effort using the tools of his obviously impressive education but sentences like (paraphrasing) "these men are focused on how to please women rather than on how women can please them" just mystify me.

sometimes, pleasing women is what pleases us.

[Resolute]

And that is part of the problem. More and more men are waking up the realisation that pleasing a woman is a waste of time because she is never satisfied. Trying your best to please a woman makes you seem weak in their eyes, but if you don't please her then you're a selfish jerk. And this is all because a woman cannot, and never will be satisfied by a man that is devoted to her. She needs a strong man to guide her, and he does that by being true to himself, not wasting his life away trying to impress any woman. It's a losers game.

I mean non penis size related here. Not about actual sex itself.

i wasn't talking about spending one's whole life trying to please one woman. what i was trying to say is that being desirable and able to satisfy "women" not "a woman" physically/sexually is pretty darn satisfying (and ego boosting) to many men. women will be chasing you (more or less) and you don't have to try too hard or compensate or ....

[Silence0095]

Oh yeah that is the essay that started it all. I will give the author points for a sincere effort using the tools of his obviously impressive education but sentences like (paraphrasing) "these men are focused on how to please women rather than on how women can please them" just mystify me.

I think the point is that we become obsessed with the woman's "pleasure" at the expense of our own, when sex should be more reciprocal. While I was having sex recently a woman asked "what do you like?", and it was a surprise and relief to remember that I have my own sexual preferences.

The rest of you guys seem to be exploring the more sociological aspects of this whole thing, the contradictory pressures/beliefs placed on men and women. This is is interesting, but maybe it's a subtle instance of the mania for generalizations that the article describes? Just a thought. I think (for me anyway) more individual sexual encounters with women will be the solution, not a sociological theory of the modern woman.

[Silence0095]

Small, you have some great insights there but I think your view of relationships as simple power dynamics is a bit reductive and cynical.

[u.r.what.u.is]

Thanks for the link, Paul. I read parts of it, but I agree with many things it stated. Although I never became extremely angry at women or reclusive, I did have a kind of dysmorphia and I did shelter myself from exposure for a long time. I agree that pornography was key to my problem. The solution was ultimately to date and have sex with new women...which became an option again after my divorce.

[Guest glennj]

You guys are making my brain hurt.

[Resolute]

You guys are making my brain hurt.

oh, glenn, just wait til i weigh in, then you'll have a major headache.

[Resolute]

well, i was going to comment on skynight's and small's posts, but i don't see the point. none of it makes any difference in the end.

[modestman]

well, i was going to comment on skynight's and small's posts, but i don't see the point. none of it makes any difference in the end.

Yeah, I came to that same conclusion.

[Guest ---]

[Victimorthecrime]

The problem w cognitive therapy that the article recommends is that it is like getting drunk on your own thoughts. A guy can think positive all day that he is attractive & physically adequate but unless that is affirmed by the world, at some point he comes crashing down from the cognitive "thought high".

[Victimorthecrime]

well, i was going to comment on skynight's and small's posts, but i don't see the point. none of it makes any difference in the end.

And they said there is no wisdom to be garnered in these forums. Brilliant! You have achieved satori grasshopper.

[Resolute]

The problem w cognitive therapy that the article recommends is that it is like getting drunk on your own thoughts. A guy can think positive all day that he is attractive & physically adequate but unless that is affirmed by the world, at some point he comes crashing down from the cognitive "thought high".

or he might just "attract" himself, rather than the females that he desperately needs.

[Resolute]

And they said there is no wisdom to be garnered in these forums. Brilliant! You have achieved satori grasshopper.

why thank you.

[Anonymous2014]

The problem w cognitive therapy that the article recommends is that it is like getting drunk on your own thoughts. A guy can think positive all day that he is attractive & physically adequate but unless that is affirmed by the world, at some point he comes crashing down from the cognitive "thought high".

I couldn't have said it better myself. The psychologists who wrote "The article that started it all" contend

that guys like us need peer relationships with women, and through experience we will learn that "not all women will reject you because of your size" I hate to rain on anyone's parade but according to several members on this forum, several potential partners rejected forum member's strictly based on their size.

and by the way whoever it was that said suicide is the coward's way out never had to contend wih sp or

SPS. So the question becomes, Who's the bigger coward, the guy who spends whatever time he has

left as someone society doesn't consider a complete person (by society I mean women), or the guy who

will not accept the cards he has been dealt, and is wiling to make a gracious exit Pharmacology has made it possible to make such an exit without leaving a gruesome mess.

[mts]

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[Guest ---]

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[Silence0095]

The problem w cognitive therapy that the article recommends is that it is like getting drunk on your own thoughts. A guy can think positive all day that he is attractive & physically adequate but unless that is affirmed by the world, at some point he comes crashing down from the cognitive "thought high".

Well said. I think rather than pumping ourselves up we need to somehow exit the entire penis-centric "cognitive schema" (as Small called it). Small seems to think the individual isn't strong enough to achieve this, that a broader social solution is necessary. I'm not so sure. I find that since I've developed SPS about six months ago I'll often find myself outside of it, in a basically self-accepting mode of being. Sometimes this comes from some external event, like an encouraging word from a female friend or a positive sexual experience, but other times it seems to just happen on its own. Just because we can't describe a universal method for this "exit" doesn't mean it's impossible to archieve.

I feel deeply for those who have experienced rejection on the basis of penis size, I've been very fortunate in that I haven't had to experience this. I've been sexually active with around 15 women, have had several relationships, and no one has ever commented on my size. I don't think my experience is an anomaly either. There are many women who are not especially concerned with penis size, the internet somehow makes these women seem rare, which is bizarre. I think this has more to do with the nature of the internet than with sexuality as it exists in the world.

There are plenty of men with small penises out there, all of my sexual partners have experienced them, and the majority of them are not as anxious or obsessive as we are, people who find themselves searching out a small penis support community. I fear that a very distorted picture of our "problem" is being painted here, and an unrealistic hopelessness has grown out of it.

[Silence0095]

There are plenty of men with small penises out there, all of my sexual partners have experienced them, and the majority of them are not as anxious or obsessive as we are, people who find themselves searching out a small penis support community. I fear that a very distorted picture of our "problem" is being painted here, and an unrealistic hopelessness has grown out of it.

I don't mean to be insensitive, I just want to stress that the people here (including myself) probably represent a more anxious segment of the small penis population. I've heard plenty of mention of small penis players out there, but of course it would probably never occur to them to come and post in a place like this.

[Guest glennj]

Silence what size are you if you don't mind me asking? You seem like one of the lucky ones. I would love to be able to say I'd been with 15 women. I don't think I've even spoken to 15 women in my life outside of friends and family.

[mts]

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[mts]

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