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Bad/Embarrassing Social Situations


JS202
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Anyone had any bad Social situations lately?

I just had one earlier. I was going for a walk and a attractive girl/woman was walking in front, we were going the same way and she left the gate open for me. I was too anxious to say "thank you" so I just looked down and uttered "oh" or something in a quiet voice. She said "Nice weather for a walk" and I coldly uttered "Yeah, it is" and briskly walked on. I could tell she thought I was weird as hell by her body language, and I wouldn't be surprised if she went on Twitter/Facebook and posted "Went for a walk and just saw a creepy, weird guy with zero social skills. LOL"

I'll be keeping this thread updated, by the way. Well, that's if I get into many Social situations (Embarrassing) because I pretty much isolate myself to avoid them.

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Here's the thing, though, SD: most women wouldn't have held the gate open at all, much less talked to an unknown man behind them. That's a sign that she at least wanted that much contact.

Where it became difficult is in your assumption that the situation would turn out badly. Unfortunately, that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sure, if you went into the situation with confidence, it might have gone either way. We don't get a guarantee of success when interacting with others. But with the assumption that it would go badly, it became a guarantee of failure.

One thing I had to learn, growing up: we can't effectively think for other people. You have constructed an elaborate image of what she might have thought and done afterwards, and some part of you is using that to punish you for going into a social situation at all. But I would submit, with exactly the same amount of proof, that her reaction might have been, "Boy, he really is shy. I'll have to try harder next time."

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Here's the thing, though, SD: most women wouldn't have held the gate open at all, much less talked to an unknown man behind them. That's a sign that she at least wanted that much contact.

I don't know. Maybe she was just being polite.

Where it became difficult is in your assumption that the situation would turn out badly. Unfortunately, that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sure, if you went into the situation with confidence, it might have gone either way. We don't get a guarantee of success when interacting with others. But with the assumption that it would go badly, it became a guarantee of failure.

Next time I see someone and they start talking to me I'll try remember to assume the best and not the worst. It might help make me less anxious. But it's difficult to assume the best when you are terrible socially and have never had a propar conversation with a stranger in real life since 2009 (And I didn't exactly have conversations back then).

But I would submit, with exactly the same amount of proof, that her reaction might have been, "Boy, he really is shy. I'll have to try harder next time."

What do you mean? There won't likey be a next time. When I walk, I usually only see people once, not more times.

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I can relate as well. This has been a struggle for me over the years, though I am doing so much better in my interactions now. My daughter has great difficulty too. I really think practice can help, though possibly interactions with others will always be more challenging for some of us. Though I don't really feel anxious anymore, I still don't get wonderful scores on the job for my interactions with customers even after 20 years. I know I have improved so much, though, as well too so I try to focus on that. I will continue to try.

SD92 and IRR, I hope you will continue to give yourselves the opportunity to relate with others in many different social settings. Everyone we relate to is human. Perhaps medication could take the edge off of some of those fears as well.

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This is one condition I don't have and suspect it is because I realized at one point that I do not owe strangers anything - not the truth, not any interaction at all.

I used to be this open sensitive caring person and inevitably some weirdo would get all up in my world. That rarely happens anymore because of the vibe I give off and when some fool tries their BS I correct it fast.

Listen I still am a good person, sensitive and kind. Just not w parasites and ne'er-do wells.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Seddy, I hear you that loss hurts deeply. I feel that too. :( :( But what of the joy felt from making connections with others? If we give up, we can't ever feel such love and care. Are there things we have learned from relating and opening up our hearts to caring about another?

Loss is a part of life. It does hurt...but we will always have our love and our memories. These thoughts comfort me anyway...

Take care, Seddy.

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