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pushed to the birnk (triggerts)


Proverbs31:28
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already depressed. people suck and do sucky things. people don't care. they use you and then walk away. i have no freaking use for people. then when you can't take anymore people step in and yank the rug out from under you. they enjoy watching you suffer, watching as yuo fall then stomping on you while you're down. they wish death upon you you pray for death the only thing that would make everybody happy yet everybody says no its wrong and you cant do that to others. you cant do that to others. but bleeding is okay. nobody says i can't bleed. they jusy say i cant die. so i dont die. i want to but i dont. i just bleed. but dont even know how bad it is. dont feel the pain. head is spinning,. feel like throwing up. i am sick sick sick of the way people behave. people who say that you should trust them. who speak down to you and treat you like youre broken but all the while they are looking for ways to break you a little more./ so now i am broken beyond repair. nobody cares. nocody will help put me back together. like humpty freaking dumpty i just lay on teh floor an dwatch the parade of idiots walk by. i am sick of people. i m sick of people who use people. why cant i just be left alone to die. why is that so wrong. why cant i wake and the nightmare be over. why does it linger. i am on the brijnk the edghe the end of my rope. i am not looking for anyone to pull me back. i will just stand here and teeter and wait for whatever it is that will push me over. then ill have peace.

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It sounds like you are going through a rough time right now. It can be so difficult and painful trying to live our lives as normal when things seem so out of control. Life can sometimes feel like a burdensome load that we can’t get rid of, but it can get better. I hope that you are doing ok.

Meredith

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already depressed. people suck and do sucky things. people don't care. they use you and then walk away. i have no freaking use for people. then when you can't take anymore people step in and yank the rug out from under you. they enjoy watching you suffer, watching as yuo fall then stomping on you while you're down. they wish death upon you you pray for death the only thing that would make everybody happy yet everybody says no its wrong and you cant do that to others. you cant do that to others. but bleeding is okay. nobody says i can't bleed. they jusy say i cant die. so i dont die. i want to but i dont. i just bleed. but dont even know how bad it is. dont feel the pain. head is spinning,. feel like throwing up. i am sick sick sick of the way people behave. people who say that you should trust them. who speak down to you and treat you like youre broken but all the while they are looking for ways to break you a little more./ so now i am broken beyond repair. nobody cares. nocody will help put me back together. like humpty freaking dumpty i just lay on teh floor an dwatch the parade of idiots walk by. i am sick of people. i m sick of people who use people. why cant i just be left alone to die. why is that so wrong. why cant i wake and the nightmare be over. why does it linger. i am on the brijnk the edghe the end of my rope. i am not looking for anyone to pull me back. i will just stand here and teeter and wait for whatever it is that will push me over. then ill have peace.

I just wanted you to know that I understand where your coming from! I can't say you are wrong either, because i have felt this way so many times myself.

I usually stay home all day where it is safe. But, that is just me. Please be good to yourself, and not go over the edge. I know the temptation very well. But , you are far more worth it then they are. I hope you will be ok , and safe.

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Proverbs just wanting to let you know that I care and want you to be kind to yourself and search for that strength you have within yourself. I know it is there because you have survived through all your struggles so far.

Is there anyone IRL that you can lean on now, someone that you trust enough, who is not going to take advantage of you?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Proverbs, FlowFreak and everyone,

people suck and do sucky things. people don't care

What I would say about that quote is to use the word "sometimes." Everyone is a mixed bag. Sometimes a person can be wonderful, warm, understanding and accepting. Another time the same person can be thoughtless, rude and unsympathetic.

I suspect that, for many of us here, when we were children, our mothers or parents, found us acceptable when we were "good" meaning not crying or fussing. But, when we were temperamental they kind of showed they did not like us. That affects how we see people today.

In reality, it is important to take the good with the bad: In ourselves and in everyone else.

What do you think?

Allan

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Hi Proverbs, FlowFreak and everyone,

What I would say about that quote is to use the word "sometimes." Everyone is a mixed bag. Sometimes a person can be wonderful, warm, understanding and accepting. Another time the same person can be thoughtless, rude and unsympathetic.

I suspect that, for many of us here, when we were children, our mothers or parents, found us acceptable when we were "good" meaning not crying or fussing. But, when we were temperamental they kind of showed they did not like us. That affects how we see people today.

In reality, it is important to take the good with the bad: In ourselves and in everyone else.

What do you think?

Allan

To me, this is exactly why I have trouble with others. That they are unpredictable.... To me I need consistency in people. I do not like to "guess" what kind of mood someone is and often times I am wrong about them.

I do see someone as good, or bad... Most fit the catogory as being bad, not good, and sooner or later will turn on me. Nobody can be trusted because that is the nature of being human.

Sorry for the negative view of others. I am just honest when it comes to dealing with others, I do not like to pretend to be something i am not. People always do that or judge a person by the way they look or behave. Or what they believe in.

I grew up in a strict household , religious and uptight, "perfect" foster mother, who was a total bitch. And still is! i have virtually no contact with her either, and foster dad is not much better. It is difficult to feel this way about most people, because in a lonely exsistence. I can go a do say things on the internet though. Because it is safer, and really no one knows me, I can write how i feel, and not be judged. It feels secure, to express my thoughts here.

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Most fit the catogory as being bad, not good, and sooner or later will turn on me. Nobody can be trusted because that is the nature of being human.

This is what I am coming to realize. When enough people abandon you, make efforts to destroy you, gain your confidence/trust and then violate it, you begin to get cynical. I used to believe people were generally good but ocassionally made bad choices. Now, I see people as generally bad and ocassionally making good choices, as a whole. Not as individuals. I know many wonderful people in this world, unfortunately, they are not the people in my close inner circle. I have decided I no longer need a close inner circle for the exact reason mascat describes: they will eventually turn on me and then I will find myself, in the middle of the night, crying and cutting and blubbering to you all. So not worth it. :)

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I do not want to influence you in a negative way. It is just how i personally feel. The older I become the more I think like that. I have learned to shut out the world by staying to myself, and keeping myself protected by being inside my home....Not being social. Many call me a hermit. It is a way to keep myself from getting messed up by others, or from high anxiety, ad making poor choices.

i have learned not to trust, their is too much pain and heartache in the end. my biological brother has been very cool to me lately, however, i am just waiting for the other shoe to hit the floor.

the only person I can trust is my disabled teenaged son, and my puppy. they are the only ones who are not going to screw me over. Both depend on me though to hold it together, so they are in it with me.

Sometimes i even feel so bad , that I know I do not deserve them, I then believe i am awful, no good, and deserve to be punished, like their is a monster inside me, tha t will be unleashed at any giving time. Thai is when self control is lost, and i'll self injure.

I do not want to become as bad as the rest of society. I feel like i need the control and not lose it.

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I feel your pain that's how I feel. Why can't people just leave others alone? Why do they get pleasure out of hurting others? I ask myself these questions all the time. But remeber proverbs you can make it it may be a struggle, but you can do it. Just by coming on here it shows you're trying. We're all struggling ,but at least we know we're not alone.:confused:

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