Opening up about my small penis anxiety and frustration

[GoldenBoyX]

Hey. I’m new here so first off hello.

I don’t really know where to start but I’ve been googling stuff and landed here and found Measurection and the Reddit smalldickproblems and I've been down tonight so I just decided I need to open up a bit on one of them. They all seem dead which is depressing honestly cuz it proves just how few people even understand what this is like. Oh and as a younger guy it’s like I feel like I’m gonna get called some nasty stuff or made fun of if I even talk about it. I’d rant about how angry that makes me but I’m sure you guys already know what I’m talking about.

But well I guess it shouldn’t be that embarrassing here unless somebody finds out who I am but pretty sure I have SPS honestly but looking for some feedback. I’ve been in denial since early teens but I just read an article on this and realized it like fits to a tee honestly so I’m like rash posting here so apologies for the rant. It's late and I know I'm just gonna go off here but I need to open up to someone at least.

I mean as for my story, I’m not even sure how to tell it without the details. But getting into it generally, I mean obviously I never thought much about my penis as a kid. Then all this stuff happens at 13, 14, 15 and boom double whammy being a late bloomer and getting constantly made fun of for that and then also same time it’s like don’t mind getting bullied cuz you have a major issue on your hands like oh yeah fate is going to ruin your life cuz you’re going to have a below average penis too. Great, and oh it’s something you have no control over and can’t ever change and a permanent inadequacy in your most defining aspect as a man. Good luck ever feeling confident knowing probly majority of everyone in your grade has a bigger dick including friends, enemies, girls exes, family members, whatever. So just never-ending frustration trying to undo it and then coming to terms with realizing I have a small dick and just how much that sucks cuz it feels like it affects everything – like I’m not a real mature man, I can’t please girls, not good enough for crushes, every other guy is bigger, coping with fears of what if people, teachers, etc. knew, etc. Just constantly living in fear and jealousy how many probably already know and this eternal sentence of how they still have that over me if they know. Terrified of everything from locker rooms to ordering 6-inch subs to family pictures of me in the bathtub to, well, like everything feels like it's trying to out me. I so frickin hate it every time I think about it I just lay there crying half the nights and it’s like these dreams where I’m not small are the only escape but then I wake up and it’s still not any bigger.

Thing is I was a super cute kid and like incredibly creative and everybody, my mom and teachers and everybody else is like this kid’s gonna be the golden child, like there’s all this pressure to fulfill all this potential and be this overperforming golden boy (my cousins teased me a ton over that). And then for a long time it was like everything I do no matter how hard I try I’m still keeping this shameful secret holding out hope, but then stuff kept happening and then I just kept measuring and it wasn’t getting any bigger and it’s just so destructive like I still can’t even come to terms with it and so ashamed to even admit it. It was hard enough keeping up with everyone anyway but then this is under all that at like the very core of who I am.  Like even at 14 it was becoming a major mental issue for me cuz of how I found out and even though I’m like pretty smart academically it majorly messed with my self-esteem and destroyed my self-confidence with girls and all females really even adult ones and even other guys too cuz I feel inferior to all of them and with girls I know literally I can't meet a lot of their standards. I just hate it so much and yeah I hate even admitting it but yeah I’ve had those super depressed even suicidal thoughts and just like how I’m not living up to who I’m supposed to be. And I won’t even get into the embarrassing fetish I still can’t get rid of getting boners over the whole thing every time I get teased. Like what better way to be constantly reminded that the bullies and this whole cruel world has screwed me over.

Oh and yea obviously it’s the same thing between being ashamed of being a virgin for so long (oh and girls can make fun of us for that too with no consequences) but also being terrified of sex (and yeah that’s legit embarrassing too and another story). I mean by now I have a little experience with girls but not like other guys and I just know I can’t satisfy girls like other guys can anyway and got pretty solid proof of that. Whatever they say they do reject us over it.

And it’s not like I’m even fat where I could just lose weight to help. And then in society I hate it cuz it’s like the one thing it’s just anybody can make fun of a guy for having a small dick. It’s like all the media is out to get us and nobody cares. I hate how they taunt us with accusing us of “small dick energy” which they even have a name for now just to rub it in, and I’m sure that phrase was invented by girls even though I’m not totally sure (does anybody know?). And then after they giggle and ridicule about it like 24/7 behind our back then they turn around and to our faces are like, oh yeah any size it’s just the motion in the ocean, don’t be so sensitive, you’re probably average anyway and other patronizing stuff, and make fun of you more if you complain. Like it’s just so insulting and the only thing you can do is either lie and exaggerate or tell the truth and either one you get made fun and mocked mercilessly for.

Oh and I’m finding myself hating all this girlpower metoo feminazi bs. Like in college every freaking class it’s like how bad guys are like I’m not even allowed to have an opinion or it's always wrong  and girls are always right and then it’s pretty much just open season for girls rejecting us. Like they get every possible benefit – special scholarships, special housing, easier time getting jobs, their pick of any guy they want and they still get to complain about the few things some guys judge them over and then get to criticize us over every little superficial thing like we don’t have insecurities too. And it’s not like they even need it cuz most of them are smarter anyway and why is a girl being better than a guy at stuff so funny to them. Oh and that’s after I already spent my whole life feeling intimidated by girls anyway cuz they develop faster and spend pretty much all of high school giggling about us behind our backs it’s like so dismissive, like “oh he just probly has a small dick”. Like wtf? Or worse like if they already heard it’s true from someone. Just like salt in the wounds, hate how they know it’s over if they know that like how can I ever win an argument then. And they taunt us with these requirements for “hung” guys like even early on. Ugh. It still stings. And it's like the crime isn't even what you say, it's just not being hung in the first place. 

And worst thing is all I want to do is to have a big dick to beat off all this stuff with and fix it all but no instead we are screwed and the best I can do is just be thankful we get to hide it with pants and be terrified cuz I know how much girls would laugh at me if they knew my real size and my actual sex abilities and all that. Like why is it ok that girls laugh just cuz this is embarrassing to us. I would have so much more confidence if I could just swing a big dick around every day and avoid all of the teasing and feelings of shame and frustration. If you don’t have a big dick there is no hope. I just feel so helpless and angry and just gonna go back to crying into my pillow now.

Anyway this is messing with me so much and I don’t know what to do. Like it was bad and confusing as a teenager and now it’s just even worse. So depressed.

[GoldenBoyX]

Sorry this was such an incoherent frustrated rant. 

[Shrimp Fried Life]

It's something everyone on here deals with to some degree. I've lived with it since I was about 12 or 13 and I'm 60 now. Some guys find a way out but some of us don't

 

How do you think it feels to have all those fears you have and then add to that the fact that I haven't been able to get an erection for 20 years and I have zero sexual experience. You think I have any chance of getting a woman? I'm probably going to pull the plug soon anyway.

 

I don't know what to tell you. If I knew a way out I probably would have taken it myself.

[YOTH]

I'm sad to hear you feel that low, mate. Sounds like you've been through the mill. Have you ever spoke to anyone about about your size, impotence etc? If you ever feel like talking to someone on the other side of the world (I'm assuming you're in the US) I'm free to talk anytime. Just say the word. I hate that this shit has guys wanting to pull the plug, it's such a waste of everything else you to offer the world. I hope this finds you ok 

[2726]

The frustration being a black man in this position is something i cant describe. Even the way ppl talk to men with small dicks AFTER discovering such... Ive dropped my pants for hookups/lovers and wound up pulling them back up and heading home, looking down at the ground all the way to the car

[Shrimp Fried Life]

22 minutes ago, 2726 said:

The frustration being a black man in this position is something i cant describe. Even the way ppl talk to men with small dicks AFTER discovering such... Ive dropped my pants for hookups/lovers and wound up pulling them back up and heading home, looking down at the ground all the way to the car

I feel for you my friend. I've been watching a lot of the "Does Size Matter" videos on Youtube where guys go around mainly black high schools and colleges asking black girls and 90% of them say something like "yes it matters. Nobody wants a small dick". Girls are brutal these days.

[TheDane]

9 hours ago, 2726 said:

The frustration being a black man in this position is something i cant describe. Even the way ppl talk to men with small dicks AFTER discovering such... Ive dropped my pants for hookups/lovers and wound up pulling them back up and heading home, looking down at the ground all the way to the car 

sorry bro..... maybe not your typical bro, but we do have one thing in common.

[Lostone56]

On 10/15/2018 at 4:18 AM, lifelongvirgin said:

It's something everyone on here deals with to some degree. I've lived with it since I was about 12 or 13 and I'm 60 now. Some guys find a way out but some of us don't

 

How do you think it feels to have all those fears you have and then add to that the fact that I haven't been able to get an erection for 20 years and I have zero sexual experience. You think I have any chance of getting a woman? I'm probably going to pull the plug soon anyway.

 

I don't know what to tell you. If I knew a way out I probably would have taken it myself.

Same here . There's no way out only time ending like a clocks battery dieing . I'm not welcome anywhere I go . Getting a job is difficult because deformity is not welcome in my country. Upon observation  I fail the penis inspection test of acceptance to society . And I can clearly see that I'm not welcome around my family . So I spend majority of my time hiding. I can't even put food on the table 😢 !

Edited October 30, 2018 by Lostone56