I have so many questions for you. Most of which, will never be answered. So much I want to say to you, but frankly, even this is a waste of my time.
One of your many jobs was to protect me, but you were never there to. I needed you, so desperately, but you ignored me. You refused to find a way to stop the abuse. You knew what was happening, yet, you chose to look the other direction. Several times, I cried out for you. I screamed your name, for you to help me and you ignored me. You never gave me the opportunity to feel safe. You never made me feel wanted or even loved- at all. You never allowed me to be just what I was.. a victim. I was to continue on with our daily saga. I was made to feel like a closet whore, instead of your precious little girl. I lived in fear, every day, and I was only a child! You never gave me the opportunity to let the hurt out, to seek help. You never understood the pain I carried, even early on. I thought you might have been as terrifed of him, as I was. When I found my voice, and you had a chance to get away, you didn't take it. Instead, you stood, hand in hand with my rapist! You chose the monster over me, and threw me away, like the garbage I already thought I was. I was unloveable. When you sent us away, my World turned upside down. Though, it had already been shattered when you turned your head to what was already happening. Looking back, I wonder how you felt in those moments. Maybe you thought we'd be better off without either one of you. Perhaps, it's true. Though, to me, it seemed you never cared where we ended up. I am so angry with you. You've screwed me out of what every child deserves. I've spent holidays with strangers in a cold cafeteria, instead of around a dinner table. I was the one that was punished, along with spending time in a lock down facility, being restrained because I couldn't handle the pain that you both have caused me.
This life could've been so different, so much better. You can not take credit for who I am today. You can only take credit for some of the hurt that runs through me. You're one to blame for that. You taught me how not to be a parent..
Why do I still love you? You don't even deserve this letter..