...I need a hug. Not just a small one. I need a giant bear hug that won't let go 'til I say so. I'm a mess. I can't stop crying. I'm dreading waking up in the morning as my legs will be sore. Once again, I've made something all about me. Today marked a year since my brother passed. I decided not to go to his grave. However, I did talk to him as if he were here with me. Some of which, wasn't pretty. Ah, I wish he was still here. I've been laying in my bed on and off for hours hoping to sleep, but
Soooo, I decided to pop in and give an update.. Though, not much is different from the outside, looking in. I'm still working, being a single mom, and juggling life. The difference is I'm continuing therapy, and am being open and honest with my therapist, and myself, as well. I'm being consistant with my meds. I'm sleeping without interruption most of the time, napping on occasion, too. Not feeling as overwhelmed.. Finally starting to find happiness in being me. I'm working hard on not cutting.
Dear You, I have so many questions for you. Most of which, will never be answered. So much I want to say to you, but frankly, even this is a waste of my time. One of your many jobs was to protect me, but you were never there to. I needed you, so desperately, but you ignored me. You refused to find a way to stop the abuse. You knew what was happening, yet, you chose to look the other direction. Several times, I cried out for you. I screamed your name, for you to help me and you ignored me. You n
So, I'm feeling pretty alone tonight. Feeling like I've exhausted everyone around me with my pitiful self lately. ..At the same time, I wonder, is it them I'm exhausting.. or just myself? Either way, it sucks. I struggle with the thought of never letting anyone in, and carrying all this by myself.. because I know I can't handle it alone.. but I couldn't dare speak up and let someone else help. One part of me wants to let this go, because I want to actually.. live.. instead of going through the
Today marked 1 month since my brothers death. He did something that was so selfish. I'm still so hurt and angry with him!!! He's left everyone to pick up the pieces. And failed to take anyones needs into consideration, except for his own. How are we suppose to feel? How are his kids suppose to pick up and continue on with life without their dad? I know he didn't intentionally do it, but it is by his hands that this happened. We have all begged him to straighten up. I hate him so much for doing t
I feel like I'm loosing control. I have no place to go. No one to turn to. I'm not sure how much more I can take! The stress levels are rising. I've been injuring for so long.. Will it ever end? I wish I was able to talk about it. Instead, I feel like I'm trapped, alone, with my own worst enemy. And sometimes, it's just not worth it to try anymore.