heyy happy two years

Yep yep – gratz on 2 years!!!

“Permission to be terrible”?! O noez! :eek: JK!

It sounds to me like you are surviving one day at a time and I admire that because it isn't easy by any stretch. It's good to hear you have a new outlook and that you know where you are going. I know you said it is difficult to put into words but mind sharing what you can put into words? I think it would inspirational to hear.

That's beautiful, Benign.

You're a special person, Mark.

I'm so glad you know where you are going now.

Happy Anniversary Mark..

I think you have found this site for a reason, don't you? And yes there are so many coincidences of why we are alive and with knowing that, life can continue...

Oh yeah, we're all here for a reason.

We just have to choose what that is. :-)

I guess that triggers me to try to answer Kaskade's question, too. The short answer is inspired by IrmaJean's avatar:

Do go towards the light! :-)

It's not as if we can avoid dying; the point is to make the living before that as "good" as possible.

Where did I find a direction? I ... looked inside.

I tried meditation. You don't have to burn incense or say "Om" or twist yourself into a pretzel. All you have to do is relax, breathe deeply, and silence your thoughts.

It didn't take me long before I felt ... a brightness, acceptance, comfort ... all coming from inside of me. Now, I have no reason to believe that I'm so unique; I assume that everyone has this place inside them, if they can reach it.

So far, it's easy to describe, and as far as I'm concerned, indisputable. I felt it, I can choose to feel it any time I need, I have complete faith in the experience without needing a reason or an explanation.

Of course, many people have felt it, and many have explained it, in different ways. Once felt, though, the explanation is secondary. We are all connected, we are all alive, we are all special, because of this place we have inside.

End of sermon. ;-)

This is so very true, isn't it? Such beautiful thoughts, too. Maybe the place where you find the light inside is where pink and blue meet and balance. You have to be open to fully embracing yourself. I've felt the light inside of me as well. Cool.

Hi, Mark, again. I read your blog 'anti-chronologically', so I'm here now. This is even more impressive. I had tears in my eyes while reading. Oh, they are here again. I just feel so bad. No light. No direction. I wanted to cut myself today, but I've never done this and am sure that I never would. But... today, I was thinking that maybe those who can cut themselves can cope better then me, because they only make scars, but me, I'm ruining my whole life... I'm sorry, it's so stupid to write this in someone-else's blog :-(... but you're an administrator, so you can delete it... I was considering, for a while, to write my own blog, but... I don't want to. I feel it as useless and have no drive to do it. I just want to be alone, all alone... just waiting for my therapist to save me. And he will not. He can't. I know it. Only I can save myself. But I have no clue...

LaLa, I'm so sorry to hear how badly you're hurting, at the moment. It's not stupid to write it, wherever you can ...

What's the matter, my friend? Can you talk about it, at all?

I know lots of people here have felt your joys, and are more than ready to give some back. Please allow us to.

Thank you, Mark. I'm better now. My moods can change quite quickly - it can be also an advantage ;-). I know I have to explain it, this previous hopeless post of mine. So I'll try. I'm going to install my anti-virus program now, and then I'll try to write you more about these days. Maybe in my own blog (?).

LaLa, you don't "have to" explain it.

We'd just like a chance to help you the way you help us, if we can. Even if the moods come and go, there's something wrong for it to get that bad.

:-) I see.

I wrote the post, I'm going to try to post it. Hope the blogging isn't too complicated for me...

So it's not complicated ;-) I just don't know why I can't see the "blog" cathegory on my profile. Is it because it's a private blog?

But the post is very long. And with some mistaked I noticed but didn't want to spend time correcting them as you're all used to my mistakes ;o)...