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A little calmer now


Athena

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I'm a little calmer now (compared to my "It's been a while thread, probably in the SI forum). Of course it's not bedtime yet, so we'll see how long it lasts. Anyway I finally took some decisive action. The mediator is driving me insane. And I can't find the complaint form I printed off. So today, I just started writing up my list of complaints against her. I would dearly love to see her lose her license for being so blatantly biased in favour of my ex while browbeating me to death. I think I'll take it to my therapist tomorrow to see what he thinks. I have a history of things backfiring on me, so I want a rational person's input.

Also yesterday, or maybe the day before, I wrote my lawyer for an update on a court scenario. My ex is finally working in a real for pay job now, after a 7 year hiatus from earning an income. He has constantly threatened to get out of mediation and go to court, in order to blackmail me into giving me what he wants in the mediation setup so he can save court costs. That means threatening to force me to pay him spousal support and 100% of kids' expenses until they are out of University. He was able to get away with this because when it all started I appeared to "look too good on paper" and because the mediator did not hold him to account for his lack of contribution in time or money to the family, and condoned his continued laziness.

Since then, I've gone on disability, made one suicide attempt, which has since turned into an unfortunate habit of cutting (never heard of that til it happened to me), lost my disability income but not my eligibility, seen 7 pain management experts, been on 3 different antidepressants, been locked in a mental health facility 3 times, and seen 7 or so mental health professionals on top of that. I am virtually unemployable for the foreseeable future and can't go back to my former role because I have no client base anymore which took me 17 years to build.

So I'd say the tables have turned. Along with my request for an update from my lawyer, I asked about the possibility of claiming spousal support from my ex, as he has threatened against me. That ought to throw him for a loop. Anyway, I'm feeling like perhaps the victim is being told to shut up for a while and somebody new is taking over. I only hope it works! At least I don't feel so utterly manipulated and controlled beyond hope. My future might actually entail something besides a lifetime of slavery to a MotherF---ing Narcissist.

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Athena, I'm so happy to hear about your good decisions!

I'm feeling like perhaps the victim is being told to shut up for a while and somebody new is taking over.

I have the same impression from what you wrote! :) Just hold on; it might be sometimes hard to "learn to be another you" (or better: to "give space" to another part of you to "take over", to dominate after being so "tyrannised" without taking an action). It's great that you started to take actions in favor of yourself "towards others"; I hope so much that this kind of behavior will fully replace the previous-one when your actions were mostly "towards yourself" (I mean the SI, of course). Just don't resign when you'll have hard time again, when you'll not be able to resist to SI again. You don't have to "change completely in a day", it's a slow process and your beginning is very good, so I hope you'll feel encouraged and some little "setbacks" will not discourage you again... :)

Good luck!!! And... hugs :)

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Thank you Lala. I'm trying to look at my tormentors' threats as "all Bark and no bite". Kind of like when two dogs meet and the first dog barks at the other one, presumably a show of dominance. If the second dog does nothing, they will get dominated. But if it barks back with confidence, then the first one typically backs right off (or a fight starts). I guess I have to be prepared for either scenario! Anyway, here's to finding my Bark!:)

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