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Another Anniversary



It was two years ago this morning that I received a rude awakening. My wife and I had been sleeping separately for over a month, so I was surprised when she knocked on the door to the bedroom where I was sleeping at 5:30 am and told me that there were some people at the door to see me. When I got enough clothes on to answer the door, I found that there were three police officers on the doorstep who had come to serve me with the preliminary protective order that my wife had apparently filed against me the previous week. All she had to do was swear that I was a danger to her; she didn't have to present evidence and no one came to ask me my side. They gave me fifteen minutes to pack what I could and leave.

I'm still angry, two years later.

She gets to believe that I was tried and convicted of violent, cruel abuse, and I ... get to pay for it all and live somewhere else. Sort of a trade.

Now, though, she has left the house, apparently, and someone needs to live in it, not to mention the savings from doing so. Only, I promised myself I'd never go back. Maybe not exactly that; I definitely determined never to put myself at her mercy again. So, does this count? Am I just setting myself up as the caretaker of her house (ours, technically) until she decides to come back and boot me again? (I know, not likely, but I can't help wondering.)

What would "stand up for myself" look like, and how would I do it? Sometimes, I feel very powerless.


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I would walk

But there's nowhere to go.

I would get in the car and drive

But everywhere's the same.

All the thoughts of running

Won't get me out of my head.

But anything is better

Than having to stay in here and change.

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Mark, you are always so kind and caring to everyone else. I hope that you are taking care of yourself and know that I am here. I am sorry for what you have been through and I hope you have some peace.

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I am sorry the past has come back to haunt you. My gut feel is that she cannot be trusted after what she did to you. If she does not need the house, why not sell it, or if the market is too depressed, can it be rented out? Also, I don't understand, if the divorce is finalized, why is this still jointly owned? It seems to me, a few more strings need to be cut in order to truly be free of this woman. Somebody once said to me, "What is more important to you, to make a little more money on the house, or to move on?". For me, any chance I have to move on I take (unless it involves getting sucker punched by the other party:eek:).

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What would "stand up for myself" look like, and how would I do it? Sometimes, I feel very powerless.

I don't see you as powerless, Mark (even though I understand that you feel so in times like these). I just see a hard decision before you. I wish you good luck in your deciding... I believe you'll make it right :(...

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I'm powerless to get anyone else to make the decision for me! :-)

Okay, I know that's not what either of us means; it was just funny. I'll manage, and it's really multiple decisions. There's one decision about what to do, and there's another to have faith in my own answers.

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I know this kind of powerless feeling... (Who doesn't? :P)

I always have faith in your answers :D. You answer so wisely to others, I believe you'll find the right answers for yourself and will have enough faith in them :)... Maybe there is not "THE right answer" - maybe there are more and once you choose one, then it's more important how you "cope with" the decision in practice than if that was "really the best answer/decision". I know; it's a matter of point of view... Sorry if it's all useless... :o

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