So a while back two close friends and my therapist were all pretty emphatic that I was not ready for a serious relationship. I'm not entirely sure if that was to protect me or the poor sod who ends up as "Mr. Rebound". Well, not exactly rebound, it's been three years since my separation and a decade since any hint of passion showed up in my marriage.

Anyway, after finally getting my head around further solitary confinement, what should happen than somebody knocks me off my feet. But here's the catch: he's from out of town AND he comes with his own baggage - PTSD, which I accidentally triggered in my efforts at self preservation and a friend's recommendation that I "google him" on the web. After all, her daughter had been involved in a long distance relationship with a guy only to discover after three years that he was married! So having been duly warned, I didn't want any "I told you so's" later.

So I googled him. And I found something out that I confronted him with. Nothing horrible, just odd. Anyway, in the process, I triggered him big time. After daily phone calls and e-mails for the past few weeks, now he's gone into hiding and wants nothing to do with me while he deals with his "issues". Problem is, I have big issues with abandonment and betrayal. I know if I ever trigger him again (assuming he comes back, which is not a given), he will have the same reaction. Sooooo - I sure know how to pick 'em! I would welcome my guy back with open arms but I sure as heck don't make it easy on myself. If he stays away longer than a week or two we're probably done. Because the only way to stop the pain of missing him will be to just shut off all feelings for him. I'm already obsessing in my head whether to fight for him or just let him go. It's not an ideal relationship - but now that i've fallen for him, i just so want him back. After all, I wasn't supposed to be ready in the first place. Damn - wish it had happened before my heart got to that "point of no return".