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Athena

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So a while back two close friends and my therapist were all pretty emphatic that I was not ready for a serious relationship. I'm not entirely sure if that was to protect me or the poor sod who ends up as "Mr. Rebound". Well, not exactly rebound, it's been three years since my separation and a decade since any hint of passion showed up in my marriage.

Anyway, after finally getting my head around further solitary confinement, what should happen than somebody knocks me off my feet. But here's the catch: he's from out of town AND he comes with his own baggage - PTSD, which I accidentally triggered in my efforts at self preservation and a friend's recommendation that I "google him" on the web. After all, her daughter had been involved in a long distance relationship with a guy only to discover after three years that he was married! So having been duly warned, I didn't want any "I told you so's" later.

So I googled him. And I found something out that I confronted him with. Nothing horrible, just odd. Anyway, in the process, I triggered him big time. After daily phone calls and e-mails for the past few weeks, now he's gone into hiding and wants nothing to do with me while he deals with his "issues". Problem is, I have big issues with abandonment and betrayal. I know if I ever trigger him again (assuming he comes back, which is not a given), he will have the same reaction. Sooooo - I sure know how to pick 'em! I would welcome my guy back with open arms but I sure as heck don't make it easy on myself. If he stays away longer than a week or two we're probably done. Because the only way to stop the pain of missing him will be to just shut off all feelings for him. I'm already obsessing in my head whether to fight for him or just let him go. It's not an ideal relationship - but now that i've fallen for him, i just so want him back. After all, I wasn't supposed to be ready in the first place. Damn - wish it had happened before my heart got to that "point of no return".

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He came back to rake me over the coals a few more times. Then disappeared and is now back again. We are starting again from square one. Best for both of us. I still have a lot more to learn about PTSD. Not entirely sure I can handle it on a "more than friends" basis.

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Thanks. Not totally figured out. Guys say they are OK being friends, they even suggest it, but then you say something that inadvertently stirs them up again and it gets all confusing again. Not sure I'll ever fully understand them. Anyway, I can see why I'm not ready yet. I managed to get my therapist to fess up that he was relieved the "serious" part of it was over. He had told me I wasn't ready several weeks ago. Problem is, he stirred this beast up and doesn't have any solutions for me other than for me (a chocolate addict) to remain in his chocolate factory but not be allowed to have any chocolate.

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Just BTW; I think I understand completely what you mean by the "chocolate factory" metaphor!!! :D :D :) Nicely said!

P.S.: Seddy, don't take it somehow personally, please! ;) You couldn't understand it as you didn't know about the feelings Athena has for her therapist... (I hope you don't mind I menition it here, A.! Or am I wrong and the feelings are gone? Maybe I haven't understand the "metaphor"...)

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You got it right Lala, and no I don't mind at all. I recently came across an article by Wendy Dennis in the Walrus on Tony Soprano's Therapy called "Why Psychanalysis Matters". A rather extreme example of what we are talking about and perhaps a heads up for others. Admittedly, this sort of bonding does not always happen. Guess we're just lucky (???):D

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