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So I have thrown myself into online dating.

My feelings towards my x-girlfriend we grinding me down and a friend talked me into trying it.

I have been going at it for two weeks. At first the effect on me was huge. My mood improved dramatically. I think I finally felt I had some power in part of my left. Something i could maybe pull off.

That was before I realized that most of the people I was talking to were scammers. I can spot them pretty easy now. The problem is that I am not finding anyone at all. I realize it has been only two weeks. I didn't really have expectations. This is just an emotional backlash. I find myself thinking about my x-girlfriend more and more.

Again I feel powerless.


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Thanks SweetSue,

It takes far less courage than trying to date in a conventional way for me anyway. I wouldn't even now how to begin.

I am not sure if you know where my feeling of powerlessness comes from.

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I can certainly empathize with the loneliness. But maybe you want to take a step back and think about what you are looking for. Somebody to fill the void? Something casual, serious, "friends with benefits", a close friend? Are you trying to fulfill an emotional need, a physical one or both?

You strike me as a pretty intelligent person. So perhaps you've already thought this through. But If you haven't don't you owe it to yourself to get clear on this? Relationships can be wonderful but they can also be fraught with peril, as you've already discovered.

I don't mean to sound patronizing, but somebody posed these questions to me recently and I had some difficulty answering it, at least in the present circumstances. I know what the answer will be if/when i get my life turned around. It's just that answering it right at this moment, completely honestly is something i find very difficult. That has caused me some grief in a recent relationship.

Just a little food for thought, for what it's worth.

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Hi Athena and Thanks,

It is always good to have another perspective.

I think I know what I want. I have thought about it. I will admit that part of seeking now is to kill my pain of loss in an active way, but I want a long term thing. I am not in a rush to get there, but I want to start. I want a best friend, confidante and lover. I wan to do my best to get it right. It is more an emotional need that a physical one, but I want chemistry, passion and sex as well.

I want a person to be close to and share my life with.

I also want to know something good can happen, something new, something positive.

I have no reluctance in answering these questions. I can't know that this is what is right for me, but it is what I want.


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