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A connection



It seems I have found someone who might be a good match for me. We have not yet met but have chatted a lot. We have very similar tastes in music and our sense of humor is very much in sync. We often make very similar jokes at the exact same time and even finish each others sentences.

She is fairly local, but is dealing with some trust issues and so is not ready to meet. I am fine with that, would I like to meet up sooner than later? Yes, but I am patient.

I have been warned by many people that this seems odd. I dunno, It doesn't to me. I understand her having trust issues. She actually asked me to do her a favour and keep dating, but I have found I have no wish to.

Either way I have stopped seeking another for now until this plays out.

I have no doubts she is as she portrays herself.

Comments? Questions?


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But ... she "portrays herself" as hoping you'll keep looking ...

Are you sure you're hearing everything she's saying?

Not that I'm going to throw out theories for why she might say that. Just ... she did say it.

How open are you to the concept of just being friends, first?

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But ... she "portrays herself" as hoping you'll keep looking ...

Are you sure you're hearing everything she's saying?

We can never know if we're hearing everything somebody is saying :(:o. Maybe she just doesn't want to take W. a chance to meet "somebody better than her". It's a way to avoid remorse in case if they don't match in the end (-after having met). And W. just doesn't want to consider other women before he meets this one; I don't think it's somehow "irrespective" (/ignoring her wish).

How open are you to the concept of just being friends' date=' first?[/quote']

I have the same question :(...

I'm glad you've met somebody new, W.! Even this initial stage can bring you some joy to your life - and that's important!

Good luck!


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Thanks Malign and LaLa,

She said she is unsure when she would be ready and so doesn't want me to lose out by waiting and said I don't owe her anything. It is possible this is a test of some sort - conscious or unconscious. I have no idea, but I am just being me.

I am trying to hear what she is saying, but I am not good at understanding non-literal communications often. I am very open to just being friends first, to me that is the way to go, as I want my partner to be ideally my best friend. On the other hand I still will wait. It is just me. I see this as a foundation on which different things can be built. I won't lie I am hopeful for something more and I believe so is she, but I do believe her asking me not to avoid dating is a demonstration of caring. Do I think she hopes I will not? yes.

It does bring me joy. I very much look forward to us chatting. It reminds me of the song Surrender by Billy Talent.

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Well my relationship has taken an unexpected turn. I still feel positive about it, but am somewhat anxious.

The person I am speaking to, I will call her C, has basically said that she has found in me someone that she thought she would never find and this scares her and she doesn't know why and is spending some time to think about it, to understand what she is scared of. I think in many ways it is simply part of the trust issues. I assume she was not really ready to find someone she felt she was going to fall for. Not sure.

I hope she doesn't need to think too long. She reassured me she is not going away.

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It sounds good to me, althought I see the problems there. Just few thoughts:

Is she prone to communicate with you about it? About why she's scared and why she has those trust issues? Because as far as I know you :D, you would be a great help for somebody in her situation, and that help could help also yourself (to "get" her as a good friend). But I see that it's more complicated as her trust issues are surely strongly against the possibility to communicate about them with you. The question is; how strongly...

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Thanks LaLa. Se has been communicating about it in bits and pieces. I have not been pressing her for it.

We got past that episode. We spoke on the phone, giving me her number seemed to be a very significant step for her. We have although hit another problem and she wants to let me go, because she doesn't want to hurt me and feels she will never get other someone in her past.

I have send her a few messages and hope this is also temporary. We shall see.

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she will never get other someone in her past

Probably because of my English, I don't understand this part. Would you explain...? :D But it's OK if not; maybe it's too personal (?).

I wonder if you told her about your ex-gf, the court and so on...

Have a nice day :o,


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Hi LaLa and thanks.

It is not your english - it is mine. I need to proof read more.

It should have read "She will never get over someone in her past."

Nothing is really too personal for me - I am odd that way as w well. I have told her about my x-gf and my charges, but that was some time ago.

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Nothing is really too personal for me - I am odd that way as well.

:) I think this is one of the possible "outcomes" from therapy: We loose the feeling that we badly need to "hide the truth", that we would be "unacceptable" to others if they knew more about us, that our "secrets" are "unspeakable"... and we are much more open. I don't know if this is your case, maybe you were so open even before your therapy, but... I see this is my case.

(And thanks for the explanation; now it makes sense to me... :()

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Thanks LaLa,

I have pretty much always been like this. A bit more so as I aged, but basically always. I think part of it, is that I don't deal well with artificial boundaries. Why not tell people?

I have never been one to avoid taboo subjects or anything like that. I guess obviously I have not been one to avoid taboo actions either. I like laws as they are ... well I used to think of them as clear boundaries. I guess now even they are grey and fuzzy for me.

I am talking with her again and again we are getting along great with the understanding that she needs to get over him.

I have already supplanted him as her best friend. We so very similar. I coined a term that she likes for us. We are spirit twins.

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It is awesome. I am just stuck on the fact that something always prevents anything from developing more. I know it is psychological. I know things will happen. I just need to have something good to happen for a change or maybe clearer regain something I have lost in some way.

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I am just stuck on the fact that something always prevents anything from developing more.[...'] I just need to have something good to happen .

I see what you mean :)... But when you compare the present situation to the one some weeks ago, then... I think you will see a huge difference. Yes, "...developing more..." would be surely very nice now, but... this is actually much "more" than what you had some weeks ago, so... let yourself be more satisfied :(. Um? :)

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Thanks LaLa. Let me explain it somewhat better. Over the past two years things have moved towards an end. There is no arguing that, but nothing has ended. I get closer and closer, but but everything gets delayed more and more. I have many friends, but what I crave is more and I fear that something will stop it from becoming something more. I have great kids and a wonderfully supporting family, There are good things in my life no doubt and I am thankful for that, but I just want to regain something things I have lost. The job market is the same. I have been very very close, but they either fall through or are dragged out forever. It grinds on me and makes me feel nothing will ever end well.

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Hi Finding My Way.

Things are pretty good. I will have my verdict on Tuesday the 21st. The connection this thread is about is still going strange as in we are best friends, but still is at the same point otherwise.

How are you?

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I'm so glad the end is in sight for you! Whew!!!! And I'm glad you are in a better place. Friendship counts a great deal!

I am down to one job for a few months, which is a huge relief. I know some don't have a job at all; I'm thankful to be employed, I just needed a break.

Take care!

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