Jump to content
Mental Support Community
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Mower Power



Thoughts that went through my head yesterday, as I tried to force myself out the door to go buy a lawn mower (I eventually did it, and got an expensive cordless mower and trimmer set):

"Up and down the little residential street I live on, the lawnmowers roar. And each time I hear one, I cringe.

Each one represents a man (okay, sexist, I know, but bear with me while I project) taking care of his yard, taking care of his family. They're acting out the state of being a Husband and a Father.

Me, I'm sitting here while the grass grows, resenting it all. Because I have the work of a Husband and Father, but not the upsides; I never have had. Even when there was a family around me, I was never really allowed to be a patriarch, a guide, the family's support base. Just the labor, the driver, the money source."

So, I guess you can see that there really is some anger and bitterness left over from the marriage. Maybe it has just been stuffed away for a while, waiting for me to make my world right again. Which is an oddly backward thought, because it implies that, despite how it feels, I must think I have.


Recommended Comments

It's good that you're listening to and expressing your feelings, Mark.

You're a wonderful guide. That's not hard to see. I'm sorry you weren't given the chance in your marriage. I'm sorry you weren't appreciated for the person that you are. Your friends appreciate you. I hope this offers some solace.

My son and I split yard duties. My H can't do it because of his old back injuries.

Link to comment

Mmm, in this case the yardwork is more symbolic. I was never allowed to be much of a guide to her then-teenage son, at least not if my ideas conflicted with hers in any way. It's not a matter of my confidence (though of course I was given lots of negative input); rather, simply, lack of opportunity, because I was always overruled (and passively accepted that, rather than be forced into confrontation that she wouldn't be able to tolerate.)

And yeah, it's good that I'm letting myself express. There's rather more anger there than I'm comfortable with, I guess. Maybe I worry that people here would see me in an unflattering light, or that everyone would rush to comfort what is really a very old wound.

It's similar, in my fiction. I'm concerned about exploring certain themes when I can't be sure what might trigger someone. I'm a man with some considerable anger; many here have suffered from angry men. I know the difference, but I worry they might not.

Link to comment

just sorry your hurting so deeply. :)

Ok, on to the important stuff - what colour lawn mower did ya get ??? - I only ask coz when I got mine a few years ago, I asked the guy in the B and Q shop if they came in pink - he just looked at me if I was mad (he coulda had a point) apparently you can only get 'em in green or blue in this country (yawn - boring) :D

Link to comment

Mark, anger is normal. I don't think it is unflattering, just human. I'm new to male friendships, and in the few that I have there is resistance to allowing comfort. The wound may well be old, but the pain is still here and now. What are you needing in this if not comfort?

It's hard to say what could trigger someone. You have to take care of yourself, too.

Link to comment

Red - hmmm, I think ya can get them hover thingies in red, but I needed one of them thingies with the gears on it, and the level doo dah to raise and lower the height, I had to settle for a offish blue colour :D I really wanted pink :)......

Is yours a convertable ???

Link to comment

Well, now that I think about it ... It lets me use a side chute, or a bag in the back, or I can set it up as a mulching mower, so ... Yes! :-)

{I used to own a red convertible car when I was still single. Sort of a 40 year old midlife crisis kind of car. But it was a huge amount of fun ...}

Link to comment

:cool: I want one :D

{in pink though obviously}

Wow, you lucky thing, dont think it was a mid-life crisis having a cool car bro - just fun :)

The closest thing to a convertable car I've ever had was Toby' toy car he used to push himself round in, in the back yard - I got stuck in it - it was fun though, hmmm, technically I suppose it was his car really :)

Perhaps you could get another convertable when things for you have settled ???

Link to comment

I just enjoyed the feeling of the sun and the wind on me. :-)

I've thought about getting another one ... but we'll have to see: they're not very practical, and certain people we know who might ride in it tend to blush.

Link to comment

Yeah, but thats part of the fun :D

I'm sure the certain person we know would soon get used to it - infact she might even enjoy it :)

.... And dont only proper grown ups worry about practicalities bro ???

(hmmm, is that a word?)

Have you named your lawnmower yet ? - mines called Bluey :)

(yeah I know very original)

Link to comment

Meh. One of the possible "practicalities" is the need to carry a canoe, somehow. It doesn't mean I'm grown up just because I don't want to have it sticking out of the back seat. :-P

Hmm, I hadn't thought about naming the mower. But I think the battery (which I removed for charging) is called "Damn that's heavy".

Link to comment

A canoe ???? do you ride one of them - erm is it sail one of them - Im not sure, who has a canoe ??? :)

:D, yep "Damn thats heavy" is a good name bro, mines petrol, so dont think mine has a batterie, though to be fair - cant say Ive ever looked. :confused:

Link to comment

Well, if you have to pull a cord, I hope you don't have a battery as well, because it's just sitting there laughing at you if you do. :-)

It's true, there's not much to canoe on in Britain. Scottish lochs are too cold, and most of the rivers are too ... smelly? Though you can take boats on the Severn, if I remember, only mostly they're rowing skiffs.

Link to comment

Oh, ok - oops :D

Dunno much about canoes, cept you can fall out of 'em, well get tipped upside down in them - I was never brave enough to try - I know how clumsy I am :)

So do you sail often ? Is it fun ?

Link to comment

Oh, I've fallen out of them before. But I can swim, so it didn't hurt me. I've even taken whitewater canoe lessons, which was just plain fun.

It's never often enough, but yes, it's fun, even on relatively flat water.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...