Mower Power
Thoughts that went through my head yesterday, as I tried to force myself out the door to go buy a lawn mower (I eventually did it, and got an expensive cordless mower and trimmer set):
"Up and down the little residential street I live on, the lawnmowers roar. And each time I hear one, I cringe.
Each one represents a man (okay, sexist, I know, but bear with me while I project) taking care of his yard, taking care of his family. They're acting out the state of being a Husband and a Father.
Me, I'm sitting here while the grass grows, resenting it all. Because I have the work of a Husband and Father, but not the upsides; I never have had. Even when there was a family around me, I was never really allowed to be a patriarch, a guide, the family's support base. Just the labor, the driver, the money source."
So, I guess you can see that there really is some anger and bitterness left over from the marriage. Maybe it has just been stuffed away for a while, waiting for me to make my world right again. Which is an oddly backward thought, because it implies that, despite how it feels, I must think I have.
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