It was my grandfather who passed.

But I just fucking saw him... He didn't seem at all unhealthy. Maybe that is why it's such a shock. It fucks me up bad. He was one of only a few safe persons to me. My mom and I don't get along. My grandpa though, I loved him unconditionally. He was one of the few people I've ever felt was on the same wavelength as me, even though we had different opinions on some things.

He gave me so much although I was pretty much useless to him. He seemed to understand me when most "normal" people think I'm weird (my weirdness is essentially an inability to understand what is so goddamn important about the personal lives of celebrities and pro athletes). I just felt OK and supported in his presence. I felt like I wasn't a bad person.

Now I don't really know where I'm at. Before I felt like a boat without a rudder; now I feel my sail is gone as well. I hope he's in a better place right now. I'll miss him.