Why not send it, Solstice?

:(

I'm so sorry for this pain.

I've tried sending similar letters before. They only make things worse. The best and only answer is for me to just be quiet.

Then lets write a letter to you.

I hurt so very much.

I do not yet know what to do.

This pain makes me feel so at odds with myself.

I want to heal.

I want to find a way.

I have tried to find a way to deal with this pain, but nothing works.

I thought maybe at least writing this out, I could pretend that my words were heard by the person hurting me. I thought maybe that would suffice.

hmmmm.... who is the person hurting you, Solstice?

Is she listening?

That would be my husband, and he's not listening. He's too wrapped up in his own unhappiness.

I'm sorry you feel so stuck, dear Solstice :(

He's eroding your self-esteem... Is there any way to get out of this relationship if it is beyond help?

Thanks, Finding...a hug is what I need right now.

Beth, the short answer is no, no way out, not right now. There are a lot of reasons for that. Many would probably disagree with those reasons. Sometimes I disagree with those reasons. But I've thought through all my options, and that one is off the table.

Of course that decision is yours. Have you tried calling him out on his behavior and/or telling him how his words affect you? Or is this not productive either?

I'm sorry for your pain.

I've tried it all. Sharing with him how it makes me feel, calling him out...none of it works. We've reached a point where he has decided it's all my fault, and probably 90% of it is. He's a man of strong opinions, and not likely to change them now -- especially when I have given him so much evidence to support his opinions. The trick for me is to learn to live with the life I made.

I doubt 90% of it is your fault. Fault is not the issue, though...

How can you feel better about your circumstances?

My h and I are complete opposites and learning more about how he operates has helped me adjust some. I've been able to better identify our areas of conflict.

Does any of that help?

What about friendships? Can you find some joy and comfort in those?

I don't know how I can feel better about my circumstances.

We tried counseling several years ago. During counseling, we discussed a lot of the things you're mentioning -- working to better understand where the other person is coming from, how they operate, etc. Since then, it's only gone downhill, largely because I didn't deal with my underlying issues. Now, right or wrong, it's become all about me and my mistakes.

Regrettably, I don't have friends I can turn to. It's just me.

Solstice, can you try turning your attention to compassion rather than judgment? I know you said you've tried...but aren't you hurting enough as it is? I hear you, but hope that you can be gentle with you.

You seem to me to be a very kind, intelligent person that others would love having as a friend. Are you able to get out and socialize at all?

I don't socialize much. My work consumes much of my time. And the truth is that I've been hurt enough in my life that I tend to keep others at arms length.

BIG HUGS!!!!!

Im sorry things are so harsh for you Solstice. You do have a voice hun, and you deserve to be heard.

For what it is worth we hear you, and a lot of us understand in our own little ways just how harsh it can be at times.

No great words of advice hun, just a hug from a friend that cares, and is listening to you.

Sorry your hurting hun :(

How are things, Solstice? I wanted to say hello.