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What's the Point, Really?


Solstice

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Just disjointed thoughts.

I was briefly thinking that things in my life were getting better, but that's simply not the case. It's all just back to being a mess, me being unhappy, stressed over the stupidest things, having nightmares, etc. Really wondering why I try -- and why I ever think anything will change.

Got promoted at work. I'd thought I'd be a little more relaxed if it happened, but I'm not. Always putting more pressure on myself. Always handling things wrong.

Went to dinner with my parents last night. Watched my dad try to add a $600 tip to a $300 bill...and my mom, who knows damn well that his dementia is getting worse and is perfectly mentally competent herself, just sat by with a blank smile on her face. I tried to talk to her afterward, and her answer was that she assumed I'd make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Sometimes, I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders, when I can barely deal with my own issues.

So, really, what's the point? Keep trying, so everything can just keep sucking?

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So, really, what's the point? Keep trying, so everything can just keep sucking?

pretty much hun - just on the off chance one day it wont suck - thats what im trying to tell myself anyway.

sorry im not much help am I?

Just im sorry things are so tough for you.

please take care of you :)

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I look at your situation from a different point of view. You have a job and it is a lot considering what is going on in the world right now. People are becoming homeless and it is pretty bad. I work with people who were making a lot of money and lost everything. So, my point is that maybe you can try to concentrate on the good things that you have in life. I know that sometimes it is very hard to do. But still,focusing on positive things helps when you are feeling down.

I hope I was helpful a bit.

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Lana, you're absolutely right, of course. The things happening in my life are nothing compared to what else is going on out in the world, and I'd do a lot better if I focused on the positives...I've never been very good at that, though. Maybe it just takes practice, but right now my world just seems dark and empty and every effort I make to focus on what's good only ends in me turning back to my moping. And it is moping.

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I know exactly what you mean. I am the same way, that is why I am taking prozac for now, until my life would be the way I would like it to be :)

Sounds like you are a bit depressed. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to?

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"I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders"

That would be depressing, not to mention all the oceans would be pouring off down your back ... ;-)

Is there a way to choose differently? To refuse the burdens that you don't deserve, so that some things might not suck? That might make trying the rest of it easier ...

For instance, while your dad might need help because he can no longer cope, why isn't that your mother's job? She's the one who made the "in sickness and in health" promise. Of course, she'll be glad to let you do it for her, but isn't that where a person has to start setting boundaries?

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Ah, boundaries, and the setting of them. Not sure if there's anything else in the world that I am worse at. :) You're right -- my dad is my mother's responsibility, or should be, but she was never much good at responsibility. When I actually confronted her with the "in sickness and in health" bit, she sobbed dramatically that she "never signed up for all this." So I'm left with the choice of hoping that she actually lives up to a responsibility she doesn't think she has, or taking over for her. Not sure which choice would be more idiotic/masochistic.

Ugh. I know I sound self-serving and dramatic. Life could be worse. But I get awfully tired of facing these choices where none of the options are even tolerable, let alone good.

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Meh. {A favorite word of mine.}

I think it's partly a boundary issue that you think you know how you sound. You really only know how you sound to you. You'd have to ask, in order to know how you sound to me, or others.

And, since you asked ;-) , I don't think you sound selfish. I don't see it as a bad thing to say what's wrong, or how you feel. Quite often, in a frenzy to avoid seeming selfish, we end up selfless, instead. It's a balance, like most things are.

I think, instead of being meant to make you feel worse, someone telling you that life could be worse was trying to help you feel better. Not that you're not entitled to take it however it feels, to you, but maybe it helps to know how it was meant, as well?

Is there anything you can think of that you can do, to practice working with boundaries? Personally, I do it by volunteering on a mental health web site. :-)

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