With Rain Comes Sadness.
A front has settled in over the state, been raining for atleast 24 hours now, and looks like it's not going anywhere soon. Flooding everywhere... feels like the tears I've cried in the last six months have harbored themselves in one place to show just how destructive they can be.
Tomorrow is the 28th, six months since Charlie passed away. There's a heaviness in my heart words cannot describe. The same void is still there, an acceptance that he's gone but no peace. Why can't I move past this? Is it the circumstances surrounding his death? Do I feel at fault for not knowing or seeing that he had an addiction? What is it that I can't let go?
I'm frustrated as hell at this point. 6 months of my life has passed by and I don't remember but one thing in the last 6 months. I feel as if I'm neglecting my responsibilities by being preoccupied with my own grief. I've several other people I have to think of before I can think of myself. I just keep praying, praying for relief, praying for peace....... I guess I'm praying for a miracle. The 28th of every month since has brought me unbelievable pain, getting worse each month. I feel the storm brewing inside me and I know tomorrow, the flood gates will open, leaving a mess in their path. God how I miss you, Charlie.
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