Congratulations, Ralph!

Do you know what worked for the dizziness?

Does it help to go to nature for a sense of worth? "Worth" means something to people that I don't think really translates to animals and plants and soil and weather and water ... those all offer a counterpoint to my notions of sorrow and worthlessness, anyway. And being alive while in nature can feel like a good thing.

Eventually talking with my boyfriend helped with the dizziness. Basically any type of social connection, but physical exertion helped too.

If I could be in nature on a regular basis I am almost sure my state would improve. I need to learn how to plan so that when the weekend comes I can be out hiking instead of wondering what to do. Right now I don't plan so well though.

Can you adopt a pet or a living plant, Ralph? a goldfish?

I got so attached to my goldfish I ended up digging a pond for him in my backyard

A plant maybe. I had a goldfish that I went a little perfectionist over. It was an oranda style goldfish that was big and very relaxing to look at. I eventually went crazy with supplies and research trying to make sure the water was at the perfect temperature and proper ph, had the correct friendly bacteria in the water, and the best filter possible. In the end it became so much work that it was actually stressful to look at because I was so worried about taking care of it. When it died of old age I didn't buy a new one because I felt like it was too much responsibility. :eek: Maybe if I just got a plain goldfish that could live in a bowl or small tank, or betas which can live in a plastic cup in a pinch.

Isn't that funny, you with your obsessing with the tank and me going so crazy I built a pond. It was worth it though, now nature has taken over the care for the most part! Is there a conservatory nearby you could visit? Those are amazing. We have a greenhouse that lets you come in and drink coffee and wander...

"Worthlessness is harder to counter. I have no plans for the present or future since I never planned to be alive this long."

But doesn't a plan offer at best some "worth" for later?

Is it impossible to have "worth" right this minute?

After all, someone loves you, you're feeling better (improving your life) and you're still alive. Wouldn't all of that indicate at least an increase in "worth"?

Putting it another way (and I think I've asked you before): what would "worth" look like, to you, and how would you know when you had some?

{Fish under my care don't last long, but I had cats for a while. Friends of any sort are helpful ... plus, maybe you can allow them to take some responsibility for you, in return for your responsibility for them?}

Is there a conservatory nearby you could visit? Those are amazing. We have a greenhouse that lets you come in and drink coffee and wander...

That sounds like a good idea. I'll have to check. If there was a greenhouse that served coffee they'd probably have to hire me because I would be there all the time.

grab yer cuppa, Ralph, and take a stroll

what would "worth" look like' date=' to you, and how would you know when you had some?

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Worth for me is measured in the eyes of others. I don't base it my own assessment since I'm biased, but if I matter to someone else then that gives me a basis on which to hold some self esteem.

It would look like having close enough relationships to get a hug every so often. It would look like my phone ringing every once in a while rather than me having to be the one who initiates contact all the time. Since my phone never rings I feel like I'm bothering people who wouldn't bother keeping in touch if I weren't driving the whole relationship.