Been numb for a few days, usually means calm before the storm. Feel like I'm sliding today. Suicidal thoughts, practically used to this by now.
Trigger seems to be thinking of the future. Plenty of reasons to worry.
Feel better when I find ways to be creative. Seems strange. Used to thinking of creativity as a luxury, or a gift you either have or you don't. Now it's something I have to practice, or else dark thoughts take over.
Then again, maybe the dark thoughts have their place. Still ambivalent; trying to be optimistic but at the same time feeling fake for trying to look like I have a direction when in fact I'm lost.