Thank you, to my art teacher, for that wonderful piece of advice. I'm sorry for not being able to do my work, I'm sorry if trying to draw anything makes me want to cry, I'm sorry if I keep breaking pencils because I get frustrated when I try to concentrate. You have just confirmed my own beliefs that I'm a terrible, selfish person.
And sorry to all the others, who tell me to cheer up, who tell me to move on, who tell me to enjoy life, who tell me everything is going to be alright. I'm sorry for being such a huge dissapointment, I'm sorry for thinking letting my own feelings get in the way of your life. I try to stay out of your way as much as possible, but I know it would be better if I just dissapeared.
I'm sorry to my wonderful boyfriend, who has become more of a babysitter, who I constantly dump my problems on, I'm sorry for ruining your life, even though you won't admit it. I'm sorry you fell in love with me, I wish you could see that I'm not worth the trouble, because you could have so much better..
I'm sorry to my family, you have all always done your best for me, and I repay you by moping around, feeling down, not doing my work, being irritable, one of you dealing with the knowledge that I cut myself..
And I'm sorry to me. I'm sorry, Olivia, that I failed you, you were always such a strong, happy person, you had ambitions, you set goals that now, you may never achieve because you have let you become a wreck. You always said to forget the bad, to remember that you only live once, to make the best out of what you've got. I'm sorry for letting you become a sad shell, afraid of everything, hating yourself, letting you become worthless..
But to everyone I am sorry to, I do know one thing. I may not think highly of myself, but I do know one thing. I can't help it. The sadness is so overwhelming and unbearable, I can't do the work you set me, I can't concentrate, I question everything and trust very few people, I don't even trust myself. I wish you could understand, but at the same time, I wish this burden on no one..