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Maybe this is growing up


Ralph

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Last week therapist basically said just don't feel that way when I complained about feeling like a hopeless failure. Not sure how to take that. I have been making progress but from her suggestions I feel invalidated, like I don't really have a problem and am just complaining about normal everyday annoyances that anyone with a spine should be able to just get over. That's the problem though, is that I don't know how to "get over" things and that is what I am paying a professional to help me out with.

I don't want to keep paying this person good money to give me the same advice I could get from my mom for free. Yet I don't want to go through another damn intake again rehashing all the difficult things that happened in my childhood so I am thinking of just chucking therapy and seeing what happens. Maybe I'm so much better already that I don't even need it anymore, although I still feel like there is some past trauma that I need to work through. And I'm still isolated and avoidant, and my depression causes me to lose interest in most everything, which interferes with my job and social life.

Unfortunately I can't seem to get anyone to care even if I pay them. Maybe that's society trying to tell me that I'm not worth saving. Maybe I just have the wrong therapist, but I wonder how to find a good one. Or maybe being an adult just means you give up on getting better and accept that you are what you are. Settle for what you've got instead of dreaming of something better and then trying to get there. If that's the case though, then I'm not sure I'll ever grow up.

Alternatively maybe growing up is figuring out who you are and willing to be that person even when that means not fitting in. This is also difficult but certainly less discouraging than the former idea.

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Willingness to be you is a key place to get to, for my 2 cents, Ralph.

The witness self is another key place to get to! It is possible to take a step back and observe yourself having the feelings you are feeling, thoughts you are having, etc. :)

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"... to give me the same advice I could get from my mom ..."

"... I can't seem to get anyone to care even if I pay them ..."

What about the possibility that you're transferring a bit of your mom onto your therapist? Maybe there's a different way to hear what she said.

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Ralph,

Both of the previous messages make sense to me.

I’d vote for:

"...growing up is figuring out who you are and willing to be that person..."

Malign’s comment makes a lot of sense to me, too. But I’ve had such bad luck with therapists. When I have gotten into that place where I feel invalidated, I try to talk about it with them, but by that point I don’t trust them, so maybe I come off cold, hostile, or critical. And they have responded emotionally to that rather than to my concerns. So I end up leaving after all.

This time around, therapy is helping me to discover and be the person who I am. But, it took an awful lot of looking, trying, and failing.

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I don't think I'm transferring anything onto the therapist. The past few weeks she has been pretty disengaged, throwing out random suggestions that sound like simplistic solutions any well meaning friend would come up with rather than a reasoned professional opinion based in the application of theory to a specific situation. Hence my impression that she just doesn't care.

DD, sorry you had therapists that responded to their own perceptions of your emotion rather than your valid concerns. Then again this could be proof that they shouldn't be trusted. It baffles me that a psychologist wouldn't be able to work through an emotional situation, since that is arguably what they signed up for in the first place when setting out to be psychologists.

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