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mistake


Ralph

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Had some drinks today, only 3 but that was enough to trigger near panic. Not used to being this sensitive, feel guilty about every little thing lately.

Highly isolated socially but unsure how to reach out. Want to go back to hometown except not sure if my old friends would still have room for me in their lives. Would probably do better there than over here though. Have a job here, would need to network and all that to get a job there. I don't know where I belong, thinking (again) I would be better off dead.

Luckily meds supporting me well enough to not get too far down that road and notice it's just pain and not really a decision I want to make at this point. It's so much pain though. Crying 2-3 times a day, wishing I could remember when I could go weeks/months without crying. Then again when it went that long I wondered what it would be like to cry. Keep forgetting, and then I get what I wish for. That's my problem.

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Ralph all you can do is take it one step at a time. You already know you can do good. So next time just go an hour more- a day more- a week more. Maybe it isn't time for you to make a drastic change maybe it is but only you can say.

If your friends were/are really your friends then they will be happy to see you and welcome you back.

Just keep swimming :)

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Ralph, since I joined this forum and started reading your blogs, I have noticed a tremendous difference and changes that you are going through. To me, those are very healthy and positive ones.

Sorry that you are still having lots of days when you feel depressed, empty and lonely. I know you miss your bf :)

You are very strong and extremely intelligent individual. I have faith in you. I hope you can also see how many positive things you have in your life.

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Hi Ralph,

That sounds like a rough situation you find yourself in. I don't think I could move for work where I didn't know anybody. Maybe you could reach out to your friends through e-mail or Skype and see what kind of reception you get. It would at least give you some kind of indication whether you still fit into their world.

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