Bad Day Yesterday
Just to illustrate that I have problems too, but that problems don't last forever, I'm going to share excerpts from something I wrote to myself yesterday, when for some reason I was feeling unusually connected to what one might call "the bad thoughts". Ellipses (...) mean I left something out.
None of what I am has any meaning. ...All the rules are in force, but not for others. Everyone speeds, jaywalks, does whatever they want, but when I do that, someone objects. As long as I lay down and take it, everything's fine, but when I resist, I'm the psycho.
I want to be a counselor, but there are all sorts of people at work that I can't even get along with. I read enough to be a student, but if any of it were assigned to me, I'd balk.
...
I worry that I'm being told to cut corners; in all likelihood, the others see the thing as being round and having no corners. Is either of us right?
...
Now, part of my point is that I talk to folks here fairly often with the same cognitive distortions. Yet, when they're my distortions, they still "work". I'm aware enough to know that they're distortions, but not enough to feel that they're distortions.
And another point is that, the next day, with no particular insight into why, I don't feel the same way. Which just goes to show how much attitude changes, colors, defines reality. And how easily attitudes can change.
Is either reality a delusion? No, the distortion doesn't rise to that level. But some attitudes definitely make life harder to keep on living.
Moral: Don't do as I do, do as I say. :-)
{Everyone who hated when their parents said that, raise your hand.}
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