Still doing better; depression is affecting me, but I'm on top of it. Trying to take steps to improve my life and get at the cause of the depression in the first place, which is lack of direction and social isolation. Other stuff has decided to start coming up too, I guess there are layers of issues to work through. Most important is getting enough sleep. Right now I'm trying to establish a daily routine that involves me getting all my chores done. I let things fall apart domestically when I was sleeping most of the day so I've got some catch up in that area, and to get motivation to do things for myself is a chore in and of itself. I read a quote one time that said if you want to make the world a better place, begin by sweeping your own doorstep.

So that is what I am doing, trying to get my own household together and my own act together, but it's slow going when you really don't know how. Trial and error is the best I've got right now. I feel like a twelve year old in a thirty five year old's body - I have no idea how to be an adult except for the fact that I can now realize depressed behavior is not very adult and it leaves several personal needs unfulfilled, in turn self perpetuating the depression.

I haven't made much progress on my career except to find out my ideas are pretty impractical. I'd like to get a second bachelor's degree but with the cost of education and the time I'd have to take off work I'm not able to figure out the finances. Then again there is supposed to be a shortage of skills in STEM fields and that is what I want to work in. I am just not sure it makes sense to go back to entry level halfway through my career. That said I'm completely panicked about my current path and what will I do if I get laid off since my position is so specialized it wouldn't make sense at most other companies. I'm stuck because I want it to be easier than it really is. I thought getting a master's degree would be enough but it didn't really prepare me for the work I want to be doing. Mostly because I didn't know what I wanted to be doing at that time. Now I've finally figured it out but not sure I have any more educational opportunity.