I haven't updated in a while because very little has changed. I feel very ambivalent about everything, pulled in two directions. Can't decide. I know the "right" choice but I don't have the motivation to follow through. So I make the "right" choice and give up, or I take the easy way out and just do nothing. I missed pdoc appt and keep forgetting to reschedule. Kind of scary because I'm low on meds. Hopefully I will remember to do this tomorrow. I did get Christmas cards out today, only took me two weeks of trying to get up the courage to face the post office. I also went a whole day without porn. This is no small task for yours truly. My therapist seems to think I'm fine but it feels like there is something very wrong with me. Normal people don't look forward to spending all their free time in bed, staring at the ceiling, do they? I'm trying to get better but it's so much easier to do what makes it worse. My boyfriend is visiting next week, that will make me happy for a while.