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Guilt and Getting Unstuck



I'm feeling better now. I found that the main source of the noisy thoughts was guilt and shame. Lament and regret over past actions, both what I've done and what was done to me. Crying over spilt milk, to put it another way. This can have a strong and negative influence on future actions. "Bad thing happened to me and I did bad things, therefore I must be a Bad Person. As a Bad Person, I can only continue to do Bad Things, and the worst will continue to happen to me." Self fulfilling prophecy.

New thought, "I've made mistakes and as a human I am allowed to make mistakes. I already suffer the consequences, so there is no need for me to beat myself up further. As for what happened to me, I am relatively safe now. I would prefer to have a wonderful family life with great friends, but if loneliness is the worst I have to deal with then I am doing pretty well, comparatively. What matters now is to learn from those mistakes and figure out what to change going forward."

I haven't figured out the purpose of my life. I don't even have priorities except to ensure my own financial stability. I have figured out, I think, that it will be easier to set priorities and ultimately define the meaning of my life if I get more organized in all areas of my life. This will be a major project as so much seems completely out of control. I will probably have some starts and stops along the way. However, I have been working with my mind in meditation, maybe I can transfer what I've learned to bring some sort of sanity to my work, home, and social lives.


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Plus, loneliness is temporary and somewhat under our own control. We just have to feel worthy to go out and seek people ...

It's against modern trends in philosophy, but there's really no reason that, being already alive, we can't just live right now and then maybe a purpose will find us. We seem to think we're in control, that we're driving this life. Maybe it's more like a bus, complete with crying babies and tinny sounds leaking from other people's headphones ...

Glad you're working with the negative thoughts, Ralph.

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These insights are huge, Ralph! I've always admired your ability to put very tough things into words.

How are things?

I can so relate to the struggle to get organized. Everyone has their own things that work. I've discovered that I need to busy a part of my mind while I am working on the disorganization, otherwise I overthink it and stop.

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Thanks, finding, happy new year to you too.

I'm making some progress, working on the "big" questions and using that to make decisions about how to spend my day to day time. Need to get better at changing some habits, and believing that I am good enough / worth investing in to make this change.

Also spend too much time on rumination/resentments. Realized today I am letting this hold me back because I am afraid of something bad happening due to stuff that happened in the past which was out of my control. Usually the things I fear don't happen though so I am getting all bent out of shape for nothing.

How are things for you, Finding?

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Hi Ralph :)

I commend your perspective on things. It helps me quite a bit when I can step back and get a broader look at what I'm doing and why. Negative self talk is the worst when my head is buried in the thick of being so up close to it all.

January is pretty much attempt to change habits month! I am trying to get motivated to cook home meals and to not be so apt to pile clutter everywhere. And yes, there is a psychology to all of that. :P

Hope things are ok for you!

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