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Keep On Trying


malign

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Well, since the Universe sneezed on my attempt to post a lengthy entry yesterday, I will now give the abridged version.

I've been avoiding posting on my blog, and elsewhere on the site too, largely because I've been going through a process of my own which has made me feel less authoritative in what I might say.  What I want to apologize for is the belief that anything else I've ever posted really was authoritative, in some way.  If I can't be comfortable being as questionable as the next person, I probably shouldn't be posting.  ;-)

So, part of the process alluded to above has been taking my own belief in authority, my ego, down a notch or two (again -- egos tend to need frequent adjustment.)  I'm learning, and that's a positive thing.  I'm also in the process, for real this time, of applying for a Master's in Counseling Psych, which will probably induce numerous other ego adjustments when and if I get in.

All the learning I've done (deliberately) before has been scientific and/or technical, with the accompanying (relative) certainty that there's only one correct answer.  With humans, about the only certainty is that there are no uniquely right answers, and quite often it seems that there are several right answers that the individual adopts one after the other.

What that makes me (or a certain part of me) is:  afraid.  I'm good at certainty.  Will I be even adequate with the variety that makes humans what they are?  I guess we'll have to see.

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But I've never been very good at dealing with authority, res.  :-P

And on my better days, I'm capable of doubting that it exists ...  I don't think the Universe has any particular interest in whether we're right or wrong, or about notifying us which is which.  There's just actions, and reactions.  With, I tend to doubt, fairly little of what we would call "justice";  again, because justice limits the desirable consequences, and I haven't seen any such limits.

"Be the change you'd like to see in the world."  At least partly because otherwise, it might not exist (and because paper money doesn't last as long.)

We all have an ego, sed.  We all need an ego;  it's our sense of personal direction.  Without it, we're aimless ...  What's needed (yes, as everywhere else) is balance;  our needs against everyone else's needs.  With the known limitation that no one else will take care of ours if we don't, and that no one else will want to be around us if that's all we do.

Thank you for the encouraging words, everyone.  :-)

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Congratulations to making all these difficult decisions, Mark! :) 

And thank you for writing about this all; it's such a good read. I'm sorry the longer version of your blogpost is lost...

Good luck!!! :) 

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Sorry I left that open question, Vic.  I did write software, for twenty-five years.  Then, in quick succession, I got laid off and my dad died and the house I had owned with my ex finally sold.  That left me with no more ties to Northern Virginia, so I moved.  For the next year, I lived off what my dad left me;  the next, I took a job at a local big-box store.  Now I've been there eighteen months, and it's time for something different.  But yes, a big change.

What made me decide?  I've been interested in psychology almost since I realized that I needed its help.  :-)  But talking on here, and recovering from my marriage, are what mainly convinced me that I might be able to give as well as receive.

The application is almost complete.  The amusing thing is that it's my lack of social skills, specifically networking skills, that is becoming a hang-up.  I am having a hard time gathering recommendations from people I've worked with, because I suck at maintaining contact, especially of the purely self-serving kind that seems to be required.

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