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Mawwiage


malign

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Twue Wuv!

Okay, so I can't do this without quoting The Princess Bride, maybe because I'm wearing a mask and a tiny Dread Pirate Roberts mustache, or maybe because my head is lolling around from just having been resuscitated ...

But I'm getting married tomorrow!  :-)

That's been the plan, ever since I moved up here a couple of years ago to be with her, but up until now, it had seemed better to put it off.  For one thing, my previous marriage was not a picnic, much less twue wuv, so fear was definitely a factor.  Too, there was a lot for me to work on, in myself:  what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, for one thing;  what to do with the part of my life that had come to an end, for another.  Perhaps, even, the question of what parts I deliberately wanted to end, and what parts to change.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end," as the song says.  My signature says something comparable, "When the Way comes to an end, then change.  Having changed, you pass through."  Passing through, you begin again.  After all, the Way doesn't end.  We do, or our illusions do.  Or nothing ends;  it just flows on from one thing to the next.

So yeah, philosophy:  a complicated way to say what we all already know, but may not have been able to say, before.  Plus, it's a great way to explore the limits of thought, and the limits of the words we use to express thought.  A way to convince thought that something else is needed ...

And one word for what that something else is, is "Love".

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That is the most wonderful news!  

You guys have the most heart-warming love story and the news that you're getting married absolutely fills me with joy.  

Wishing you guys so much happiness together... 

much love to you both!  Congratulations! 

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Wow, what a news!!! :):):) 

And I'm pretty late here! :( 

Friday, I might have posted, for instance :P  :

funny-wedding-quotes-funny-congratulatio

And today... well, for instance ;) :

congratulations-somehow-not-wedding.jpg

 

Sending you both my best wishes!!! :) 

Edited by LaLa
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How's married life treatin' ya? 

Princess Bride pops into your head, the theme 'Love and Marriage" pops into mine.  This, unfortunately, leads to an image of Al Bundy sitting on the couch. =}

Hope you guys are well and enyoying matrimony! 

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"Married with Children" obviously came back to me many times in the fiasco of my last marriage.  I had always enjoyed the over-the-top humor of it (like Archie Bunker for a new generation.)   Until it came to life, as it were.

We're doing okay, at this point;  back from the honeymoon and both trying to deal with the early end of summer, when we both go back to school.  I sometimes even have time to come here.  :-)

How are you doing?

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Yep:  J's back in public school (the dangerous typo of "pubic" having been narrowly averted), and I, I am now officially a graduate student.  I don't know about her, but mine's definitely scary.  I'm taking a Techniques class and an Ethics class, and the Techniques class includes actually role-playing a counselor meeting a client, with us students taking turns being either one.  So, it's like being dropped in the deep end, for someone like me who has had no face-to-face counseling experience, except as a client.  Or, like the first day of driver's education, having to get behind the wheel and not hit anything ...

Luckily, if you've had more counselors than you can count on one hand, you can remember a little of how they behaved.  :-)

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Well, it's not as if there isn't also coursework;  it's the parts that are fearful that we emphasize.  For now I'm prepared to believe they know what they're doing better than I do.  :-)

I suspect that my advisor, knowing my inexperience  (and having questioned me about it during my intake interview), decided that a little confidence-building slash separating the wheat from the chaff was the best way to start.  That way I wouldn't waste too much money if it didn't work out.  ;-)

And as I say, there is some confidence building:  our first exercise had us only allowed to say "blah, blah, blah" (no words) to each other in our counseling simulations. It was all about non- verbal communication, and it gave us a chance to get comfortable with being observed.  You'd be surprised what you can pick up from tone of voice and facial expression alone.  Enough so that I worry even more about good communication online ...

Another point was how useful silence can be in drawing someone out, in conversation, where questions may just distract them into talking about what you want to talk about rather than what's important.

So it's actually going as well as it could be after just two sessions.  Starting to get a feel for the amount of work required, and to think of ways to fill the extra time.  Next semester I might go up to nine credits ...

Thank you all for the encouragement.  :-)

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On September 16, 2016 at 5:21 PM, malign said:

 our first exercise had us only allowed to say "blah, blah, blah" (no words) to each other in our counseling simulations. It was all about non- verbal communication, and it gave us a chance to get comfortable with being observed

Wow; this, on the contrary (to my previous impression), seems great to me. (And quite intimidating when I imagine being myself in the role of the student...)

On September 16, 2016 at 5:21 PM, malign said:

You'd be surprised what you can pick up from tone of voice and facial expression alone.

This is something that's been worrying me in therapy: My "non-verbal language" is so awkward and I imagine the therapist drew a lot of conclusions with many of which I wouldn't agree at all. (Only once there was a situation when he commented on something of this kind and I told him my explanation of my behaviour was very different, he laughed (because it really seemed a bit funny - the explanation as well as the big contrast) and said: "It might be so.") Yet, there's always the question: Who (can) actually understand(s) me more; a professional or myself? In any case; it's difficult. But I imagine you, Mark, as one of those who are able, after some training, to do it well.

On September 16, 2016 at 5:21 PM, malign said:

how useful silence can be in drawing someone out, in conversation, where questions may just distract them into talking about what you want to talk about rather than what's important

I'm not sure I understand the sentence: "draw out" means here something like distract from what's important, doesn't it? But at the same time, you seem saying questions tend to do it more than the silence, while also saying that "silence can be in drawing someone out" - as if the silence did it.

But I presume that's just my "linguistic problem" and I get the main point: "questions may just distract them into talking about what you want to talk about rather than what's important" and "silence is important". Wow; that sounds like my ex-T's "mantra"!! ;-D I always used to crave for more questions, as much precise / concrete / to the point as possible :-( ... At the same time, it was most of the time "inadequate" questions that "did much harm" (by disappointing me that he didn't ask something more useful / to the point / ... or by, as you put it, "drawing me out / distracting me from the important"), never the silence. (Fortunately, my ex-T sometimes / often (?) also had some useful questions ;-).)

In any case; you're on a splendid journey (sorry it I've chosen a bizarre adjective ;o) )... Good luck and... I hope you also enjoy it!

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I imagine that a therapist would have to adjust too to each person's different needs. I appreciated shared silence in the therapy room, but it didn't draw me out, at least not in and of itself anyway. ( I think in this context, LaLa, this means it may help a client to open up more). Shared silence did help me to feel connected with J, which was something that I needed at that time to begin to share and be more open.

Seddy, I can relate to what you shared. I express myself so much better with the written word than I do verbally, so online communication and expression has been very helpful to me. And I spoke very little for months in therapy...I wrote everything for some time.

I had to laugh when you mention a client potentially observing you, Mark. I'm sure that many do observe their therapists, but I spent most of the first few months looking at his boots.:wacko:

Take care, Mark. Best wishes in school.

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Glad to hear you're enjoying this newest adventure!  (Although one must admit-Pubic school sounds like it could be quite an undertaking. =P 

I had a 'counseling in psychology' course to take, and we did similar exercises.  I found it extremely uncomfortable.  Painfully so. Kudos to you for sticking with it.  ( I pesonally started skipping those classes...) =\ 

i'm sure there is lots to learn.  I'm excited for you.  I believe you are passionate and gifted, and will be an exceptional therapist.  

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