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can't think of a title..


Blossom

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One thing I hate about being at home is the fact that my "family" seem to get some sort of amusement out of hurting me and making me feel bad. I HATE it. I don't know how I'm going to get through this summer. it sucks. There's this one thing they do to get to me where they talk to each other about me, even though I'm in the room, and they refer to me as "she". They say stuff like "Oh , that one's good for nothing and She has no future ahead of her" blah blah blah. I usually try ignore this and go lock myself in my bedroom or something but then they talk louder and louder about me to make sure I can hear all about what a waste of space I am. Oh i hate this so much. Every day is the same and it's driving me crazy! I went for a long walk yesterday and today just to get away from it all and now every part of my body hurts and I can't move:(

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I hate thinking of titles too! :)

That is really crappy Invisible. It really stinks when your family treats you bad, they're the people that you should always be able to count on, no matter what. Unfortunately though, I guess it doesn't always work out that way. I wonder, if you are able, if you could just try not to let them see how they get to you? Just go about your business and pretend like they're not there. I know this is not a solution, they're your family and I'm sure you would like to have a good relationship with them, but maybe if they see they can't affect you, (even if they really do), they will stop? You know, don't give them the satisfaction of a reaction.

I hope that things get better for you, it must really stink to have to deal with this everyday. Do you know why they treat you so bad?

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I think I've tried everything now at this stage and I'm running out of fuel. I think the only way to make things better is for me to move out which I will be doing in September. I just have to try get through the summer first..

They treat me like this because the really dislike me for some reason. I don't think I've ever done anything bad enough for them to dislike me this much though. It's been like this at home since I was small and now it's getting worse i think. Oh well...I'm trying to busy myself with exercise exercise and lots more exercise!!!

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Exercise is a great way to let loose, but make sure you have a plan of approach. I mentioned before of my own experiences diving into exercise with too much enthusiasm and I want to stress that the best way is to incrementally increase your physical activity without ever suffering minor or serious injury. This is very important for everyone who wishes to begin working out after a long spell or those who simply wish to start (it's never too late!). Whether it is running or resistance training (dumbells and weights), the body needs time to rest and recover. If you work on your upper body, then work the lower body the next day, alternating between the two to give the body time to rest and recover. For cardio, one can run one day and try a low to no impact exercise, like cycling or swimming, to give your legs time to recover.

Also, for each workout on your menu, try to focus on the specific muscles that should be worked. It is not enough to follow the motions, but to actually concentrate on the parts of the body you want to stress so that you can progress properly.

As a suggestion, you could volunteer at a local YMCA gym, if one is available.

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Walking is the only exercise I've been doing and now my legs hurt so bad:eek: I guess I should probably take a break but I want to keep going while I feel motivated. I want to be thinner fast. Lol, this exercise phase probably isn't gonna last very long!!

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Makes me wish I had moderator powers at your house. ;-)

Have you suggested to them that if there's a problem, they could take it up with you directly? That would have to be better than listening to them being passive-aggressive.

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Ha! Moderating powers at someone's home, pretty funny. But yeah, I'd definitely agree that dealing with passive aggressive people can be awfully frustrating. They probably don't even see how their behavior is wrong. Why don't you open your bedroom door and ask them what the heck their problem is? They don't have anything better to do than follow you around and insult you, how annoying! At least when I go in my room I don't generally get bothered, you know, stay out of the line of fire. It really stinks that you don't have a spot in your house to go where you can be left alone.

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If Malign had moderating powers in my house he would be like my fairy godfather!!!:)

My art class was the place I went to get away from it all but now that's all over..Yeah it sucks. How am I going to survive the summer?

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Well, yes, now I have to thank you for the image of my hairy chest in a fairy godmother suit ... What would a fairy godfather wear, black suit, white tie, spats and gossamer wings?

You know I'm just trying to crack you up, which in fact is the only one of my powers that really works at a distance.

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The motivation to work out is a great thing! But, speaking from personal experience, the pain you describe is a signal from your body telling you to ease up. Perhaps you may get more benefit from walking if you take a day or two off, and reduce the time and pace you are at. So, if you tried walking for 45 minutes the last time, try pulling back to 25 minutes. Certainly, go as hard as you want, but keep the duration down and work your way back up to 45 minutes. I also offered an example of a beginner's workout schedule for running to tour, perhaps you may find it of use. You can see in this example how there is down time worked in.

About your parents, this is going to be tough as I understand what it is like to receive snarky comments from people you consider as part of home base. But, this is the time to listen only to your own voice, and the voices of your supporters. It's the voice that tells you that your parents' behaviour is wrong, and that the things they are spouting are complete nonsense. You are not stupid. This is a fact. From your posts, anyone can tell that you are a normal, perfectly reasonable young woman, and there is nothing – absolutely nothing – that is wrong with you besides the bullying you are subject to by your parents.

Consider what fighters do before they walk into the ring to face their opponents. They demonize them, mock them, and reduce them with their words such that by the time they see the other in the ring, they are no longer human. Your parents are in a similar process whereby they treat you as a rival – possibly without even appreciating this – by calling you names, pestering you, bothering you, making you feel miserable. They have lost their senses, forgotten their roles as parents, and they pounce on you the way bullies do on school grounds.

How do you deal with bullies? Ignore them. As smallstar suggested, do not give them the satisfaction of a response. Talk about them with your friends here or in person, speak to whomever may have advice to share with you. However, malign often makes the point to distinguish between the behaviour and the person. If you must hate, then hate the way your parents are behaving as opposed to hating their person. There is a life beyond the walls of your home, and hopefully one day your parents may come to understand how unproductive their behaviour is. But, until then, how about you make a list of all the things you wanted to do for the summer. You can share it with us and we can cheer you on until September!

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Thanks Kaudio,

I might go to the gym tomorrow (if i can get out of bed) and focus on a different part of my body. Thanks for saying I'm not stupid aswel! I've been listening to them for so long that I think I've started to believe everything they say. They've completely sucked all the confidence out of me amd I don't think they even realise it.. I wonder will I ever be properly happy again if that makes any sense..?! It used to be just when I was at home that I'd feel depressed but I feel this way most of the time now, even when I'm out of the house, but I don't think anyone notices because I'm pretty good at pretending to be happy! None of my reallife friends know that I don't get on with them except for one person so I can't really talk to them about it and anyway I'm not a good talker.

Anyway, here's my summer list so far:

:)

Get thin

Reread the twilight series

Do some art

Learn to cook

Shopping

Try be happy

Learn to meditate

Find a boyfriend

Go to a festival

Maybe dye my hair blue

Get a piercing

Maybe a tattoo

Have a house party when the family is away

Paint the garden

Learn guitar

Write a novel

:D

I have a philosophical question to ask - Do ye think we meet the people in our lives for a specific reason? I'm just wondering because someone mentioned something to me about how we've already met the people in our lives in a previous life or something.

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Hi Invisible! That's quite a summer list. Some of it is like mine!! Only I want to dye my hair green ;-P!

Yes ABSOLUTELY I think the people we are drawn to have a reason and purpose in our lives. I have no recall of a previous life though. Some people say they do. Maybe in a previous life I was a leaf and you were a ladybug that hung out with me. I can't remember what your ladybug name was!!!!! I hate that.

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What you mention about your confidence is exactly my concern. I understand what you mean because once you take the words of rivals and bullies to heart, it's like you have been forced to wear a pair of glasses that do not belong to you: nothing looks right. Normally, one will have a number of actions available against bullies, such as telling a teacher or superior, telling peers, or retaliating in a tit for tat fashion. But, when parents take on the position of bully or rival, they borrow authority from their social status, leaving children with fewer direct options. Afterall, most children have reason to love and respect their parents in some way, shape, or form, and will not be able to readily talk about family issues without some sort of shame or doubt. Even confrontation with parents regarding their behaviour is probably rare and under very tense circumstances.

But, while most will not take direct options that involve confrontation with parents who become out of control, there are indirect options like taking inventory of one's own basic needs, taking on lists you always wanted to do, and connecting with people who are supportive. That said, you are already doing great! When you stop listening to the nasty words of others only to start repeating them to yourself, that is when you have to bring out the fighter in you and redefine the opponent.

Perhaps it is rather unlikely that you can sit down with your parents, discuss their behaviour and how it affects you, and somehow convince them to stop, but if you focus on your own list, you can see past your parents. Stephen Covey, when discussing the matter of priority, mentioned a category of activities that are akin to a ringing phone. Activities that are like a ringing phone demand your attention and your action; but, like a ringing phone, picking it up can easily send you through a rabbit hole because you can end up speaking with a telephone salesman, your doctor, your boss, or a member of your family. When you think about all the snarky remarks your parents make or how bad you feel, that's the ringing phone. You can sure pick it up, but all that will do is remind you how hopeless the situation seems.

However, the fighter you are has a list of things she wants to do over the summer so now you have something (a lot!) to work on that allows you to ignore the 'phone'. Get out there and kick...I mean have fun!

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Hmmm, I can't remember my ladybug name either...but I do like ladybugs a lot because they're red and red is my new favorite colour:) I like to think of myself as a fairy in my past life. Sometimes I feel as if I have met people before even if I haven't and it's a really weird feeling (I've only felt this way twice). Apparently we have something to learn from each person that comes into our lives. I suppose that's true. Someone told me before that we pick our families before we're born aswel but I don't understand why I would've chosen this family..

What are some of your summer plans? Are you really gonna dye your hair green? I'm probably not gonna dye mine blue..

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Ok, I'll try to ignore them from now on. You're right when you say that some people can't talk about family issues without feeling shame or doubt. I feel this way too because even though they're not here for me emotionally, they do support me financially.. and they have provided me with a home for the past 18 years even though it hasn't been the happiest home. And they are paying some of my college fees next year. So I should probably be grateful for that!!

What are some of your summer plans?:)

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I have another strange question to ask - Do ye think that all objects have feelings ? like leaves, rocks, walls, doors, etc? I always think that they do. Maybe they all have lives like ours.. I've always wondered what it feels like to be a tree... Now I sound really arty:D

P.S. I've asked Mark to change my username to "Blossom" so that I won't be invisible anymore.

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:) Hi Invisible! You're not going to dye your hair?? OK, I won't either. Was your ladybug name "Dot?" "Zippie?" I think my name was just "Leafy."

Yeah, people have told me that "you choose your family before you're born" stuff. I think they just want us to feel at choice instead of feeling like a victim. I guess I prefer to get the development I need to feel at choice. It has been tough, but it is possible.

This week I have been scrambling to get ready for company. You would laugh, I am such a terrible housekeeper! I'm really good at putting that stuff off, and now I'm paying for it.

After that's over, I plan to swim in a lake as much as possible, watch the plants grow and flower, read, walk, and get arty!!!!!!!

Hope things are OK for you today.

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Oh I just saw page 2!

"Blossom" was your ladybug name! now I remember.... Malign, weren't you "Tiger," the yellow swallowtail? It was kaudio that was "Zippie," the hummingbird. Right?

Yes! I think all those things have feelings, especially trees and rocks. I have no doubt of it. The world is very much alive.

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Flying erratically, never going straight to where I want to go? Yep, sounds like me! :-P

Yet somehow I always pictured myself as something carnivorous ... Hopefully not a flycatcher: I might have eaten Blossom back then.

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