I just wanted to inform you all that I think 'finding my way' is contagious.
No, not swine flu. She has been teaching me to draw, indirectly, using a book called "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain". It's fascinating. Not all of the author's theories, necessarily. I think those are mostly given so that adult readers will suspend disbelief long enough to try the exercises.
I, for one, went into this denying that I had any skill at all at drawing. I've tried, half-heartedly, on my own, and I've taken classes in things like calligraphy, which I enjoyed. I just thought that I would be incapable of doing anything that didn't include a lot of structure, the way writing letters does. Drawing freehand seemed like something only other people could do.
But after having far less difficulty doing it than I expected, I realized that there are many activities that I engage in every day that use the right brain. I'm aware that even my work, which is very left-brained engineering in some ways, has a component of creativity that linear thinking can't match.
So why didn't I know I was doing it? Denial. My censor feels very threatened by anything right-brained, feelings or creativity. He fears that I might do something he doesn't understand the reasons for.
Anyway, the amazing thing has been that with this realization has come an immediate loss of power for the censor guy. He's still there, but he somehow doesn't even seem that upset. It's as if I learned something I knew all along, but had forgotten. Had made myself forget.
In exchange, I feel free, and I feel free to feel. It is so incredible a change ... and I don't know if it will last. I might get scared and go back, who knows? But for right now, I'm going with it, just as hard as I can.
So, I still can't draw all that well; it was only one lesson, really. But I've learned that now it's just a matter of learning technique. There's no reason inside of me that I can't learn to draw. More importantly, there are so many new avenues opening up for me that maybe learning to draw for real isn't a high priority right this minute. But I'm having a great time with everything, so it's all okay.
So I'm very grateful to 'finding' for pointing this path out to me, and for giving me a reason to get started on it.