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Wrote the letter to Y and sent it :(


tourdelove

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So, to respond to you finding, I am ok, all in all. I am still sad. I still want Y. Even if he rejected me just like that. Which means he's not right for me. I hope it goes away soon this feeling of wanting what I can have. It's surely not healthy. I still feel like I f* it up for being too needy and not self-confident.

And I saw him last saturday, and he ignored me. I felt angry and I grabbed his arm and said hey, hi!!!! He was drunk and said it wasn't the best time to talk. he was trying to get a ride with his friend. I held him up. It's not like we had a conversation. We talked 'at' each other more like.

I said, I received your email.... He responded 'ya, I know, I heard. It's a small town!' he had a fake smile on, was cold to me. He said 'I'm not angry at you, havent said anything bad about you, but it's like that with me, it's black and white, you put me on the spot and I was out'. he made a gesture with his hand like slam bam, like something hiting the floor and exploding.

I said, why do I even try to talk to you! You're not interested one bit. You rejected me like an old piece of garbage! I was angry at that point. by his smile, his gesture. His phone call he had to take. No time for you!!!!

I said, I just wanted to know . I don't even know you that well I said, I wanted to know if you were into this or not. He said, exactly, we've known each other for what? a month and a half? Maybe after 2-3 months ok ,but now??? you brought it on to yourself!. You think I am needy? or .... I said... I was fighting back the tears by that point. and then he had to leave.

the day before, at a dinner, I said to my friend R that Martine, his friend, sucked, in front of this other girl Cat I didn't know knew her.... I guess she went and repeated the whole thing to Martine, who told Yannick. I said sorry to that Cat girl about talking bad about Martine. I said, she was being very cold and ignoring me the day Yannick broke up with me... I know she likes him in the more than friends kind of way... What the hecks so good about this guy that all girls fight over him???? I wish I was different and see the light. I wish I hadn't talked bad about martine! That was so wrong!

I did write to Yannick, Finally. I dont' know why. I felt guilty. I wrote:

Hey Y

I hope you're well. I am sure youre busy, but I hope not too stressed. On my side, Im good. started working again. I like to be busy too!

I just wanted to let you know I am sorry about our conversation of the other night, and for everything. Things don't always turn out....

But I prefer being real than too proud and stubborn. I don'twant to stay upset with someone.

I was upset when I talked to you. Upset to be tossed aside like an old oil change. Anyway. Like you said, it comes out all wrong when it's like that. I take my part of the blame for what happened, but taking itall would be unrealistic.

I can't change your opinion, or your way of analysing things. The only thing I can change is my own opnion and look at my mistales without blaming myself. stay true to my own feelings, and move on. I have to stay true to my sens of balance and momentum and ask also, when I feel something isn't quite right. I didn't get the answer I wanted. That's the way it is. You may have been burned more than I in your life. I may not be used to it, but I accept it. And I won't bash myself any longer, or you for that matter, because of a misunderstanding or a dead end.

Keep on smiling cus you have a great smile. Keep going with your business, I think you are doing well. Keep on training and taking time for yourself, it seems to do you well. But make sure to be gentle with you, so that you don't get injured....

take care

T

THE END

------

and then I went on a date tonight with another guy. He was nice, handsome, suceeds well, I was really happy to meet him, and that he picked me, but I am not into it somehow. He doesn't do any sports. Just a hard, hard worker, smart, to be sure, but very conventional. Maybe too much for me. I don't know. I guess I wouldn't have known that if I wouldn't have gone on a date with him.

Well, this is my truth. There you have it for the bashing.

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Oh sweetie, why would we do any bashing? You sent a pretty level headed letter to Y. You are still hurting. I would be too!!!! These things hurt:(. You will feel better in time, but fighting the hurt won't hurry it along.

Hey, have you ever taken the MBTI? Some of us are exploring it in the lounge:)

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Yah, you need to do whatever you need to do to get past this. It's not up to us to bash you for whatever you do. Sometimes I get too caught up in giving concrete "advice"; I'm sorry. Maybe I need to work on the support part of equation.

I'm just sorry you're in pain. I hope you'll visit, so we can descend on you en masse (a lovely phrase we borrowed from the French) and try to make you feel better.

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It's the bar down on the corner. ;-)

It's one of our forums, under About the Community ... They've been talking about MBTI (Meyers-Briggs) personality tests.

(Hey, toury. Comment ├ža va?)

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I am ok. Lonely thought. Sad a bit... but ok. I just dread seeing Y anywhere I go... But I started a little contract, which is good. Keeps me a little busi-er. Mind occupied a little more which is better than just stairing at the walls most of the day, like I am accustomed to do lately.

How are you Malign??

Bar? hishrrr. maybe I should stay away. :(

I did the test...twice, in two separate days, two test from different sites, and came up with two different personality types. I don't know what it means.

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tour!!!!!! That is so fascinating that you test both halves of a polar opposite, ENFJ and ISTP!!!! It might be the effects of culture.... an ISTP female would be pressured to behave more like a feeling type, just as men that are feeling types get pressured to behave more like a thinking type. OR, you are just really alchemical and are deeply in touch with your opposite OR, there is a third type in between that we've yet to discover. It happens like this sometimes, that a person doesn't type easily.

So how good are you with tools? That is an ISTP hallmark. I don't think an ENFJ would be all that coordinated. They are much better with people skills and such, which an ISTP can struggle with.

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I know, it's like they are opposites! I love my tools and they are goodd! I have all kinds of 'toys', I guess I should count myself lucky, instead of mopping all the time!

And I love, or at least used to love doing all kinds of semi-dangerous sports too. It runs in the family I guess. On my dad's side,they are all dare devils [well the men], on my mom sides, they are mostly artists, teachers, priests...none really do sports...

My tools ranges from the real guy things like skill saw, power drill,etc, to kayak, climbinggear, bikes, skis, to... very expensive computer equipment, [urgh] for work, and paint brushes, and pottery equiment [another too expensive one].

Problem is, at the moment, I barely use any of those :( andit makes me sad. I try to do what I can do right now, with the shoulder, but I get all depressed and hate my pottery or my paintings a lot. I used to be pretty good at pottery, but I just didn't explore it enough and took enough courses. Was too expensive, or couldn't get off work to do a seminar, or wasn'tinto it... But, I want to pursuit it more. I am pretty good with my construction tools as well, and with drawing and painting... just cus I have been doing that sinceI am a wee kid, and also, because part of my past life included being an illustrator a bit... Which is what I have to go back to now, because I can't work physically...

I don'tknow how to get out of this rut!

On the other side, I have given pottery classes, and design classes, and climbing classes, and really, really enjoyed it. I have considered even getting into teaching. But I know for a fact that the politics in shcools would not work with me, or I could not work with it and it would make me very stressed. If I would have continued uni, I could have been a teachers to adults, that I would have enjoyed very much! That I know... But I don't want to live in the city:(

All I cna do right now in this department, is if I become a good artist, I will teach that, as I love it. Just, helping people see how they can in fact make art, and very well too... I love trying to find a way to show anyone how to do something, their own way. I try and pick up on how they work, how their body works, and how they perceive things, and try and work with their own angle... and oh the joy when they have a smile on their face and go ;yes! I did it! it makes me very happy!

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It's a design contract. nothing really exciting but it helps. But nothing as been sent to me today. so I am just waiting like an idiot. I would like to teach, but non real opportunity right now.

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I know. I'm ok. I talked to my mother today... doesn't exactly make me feel better but, I'm ok.

He was ok, but needed to go drink with his buddies instead of having a date with me. So be it.

In a way, I wasn't into it so it's better this way. I don't have worry or to feel guilty turning him down anymore. He did it to himself.

later this afternoon, I am going to hang out with my roomate and some people who are coming up for the Mountain bike festival, so it will be good to see new people... hopefully

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I like pottery a lot. and painting.

As per painters/illustrator, I like Robert Genn, Mike Svob, stina-persson, tony Onley, OToole, sylvia Ji....

Ted Muehling, Sequoia Miller, Joanna_Kramer [pottery]

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