Jump to content
Mental Support Community
  • entries
    118
  • comments
    13,439
  • views
    687

i guess not all friends suck.not my friends here anyway.but i bet i suck as a friend.


Blossom

36 views

 Share

ok so all i got to do is keep myself alive til sunday. i'm moving sunday night after work. then i'll give college a shot and see if it helps or not. if it doesn't, i dunno what will happen. and i'll try be nicer to myself too. i don't really know how to be nice to me though.. everything seems so out of control right now. summer holidays are torture... i wonder will next summer be as bad..

i wish i didn't care so much about what other people think of me.. it makes me feel bad about myself if i think someone is thinking badly of me. even if it's a stranger or a customer in work that i've never met before in my life. why do i even care what other people think? that's something i want to change..

there's lots of things i'd like to change. i dunno whether that's good or bad. i wish i could just be happy with myself as i am. i wish i wasn't so bad at talking about how i feel.that's the worst part i think. it feels like it's all built up inside me and i have no way of getting it out. i don't know if that can be fixed. and if that can't be fixed, how am i supposed to get better...?

i dunno. it's so frustrating.

 Share

22 Comments


Recommended Comments

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry right now. how stupid is that?

it's stupid of me to complain. there's lots of food in the house. i just can't eat:(

i like the way it makes me feel [after i get used to the hunger pain]. it's feels like i'm empty and floating and really light and high and controlled. it's a nice feeling sometimes. maybe that's why i don't eat. sometimes it can get scary though when i feel like i might faint. the headaches suck too.. it makes me feel so guilty when i eat. i don't mean to do it but sometimes i set goals for myself not to eat. i don't even notice myself setting them. it just happens automatically. my brain automatically tells me i'm on a diet and that i'm not allowed to eat. and i automatically accept that i can't eat. i'm pretty good at not eating. but i usually always slip up in the end and eat something even though the thing inside me is ordering me not to. then i get reallly really angry with myself for breaking the rules and it makes me hate myself even more:( then the voice starts telling me how stupid and fat and ugly i am. and then it starts all over again. i used to be able to make myself eat certain foods but lately i can't eat hardly anything. i can't even eat ice-cream:( and that's my favourite..

right now i'm so dizzy and lightheaded from not eating. but that's a good thing, right?

i'm not sure if i'm making sense but i hope i am..

i dunno why but i find it really hard to talk about this. really really hard:(

Link to comment

Blossom, have you thought about this much before? Is this something you would want your daughter to be doing?:(

There's so much hatred in your environment. Is it possible to get a little rebelious against that????

Rebelling against your body is just more hatred.... :D She is going to get so confused....

Link to comment

PS

F.Y.I.

YOU DO NOT "SUCK " AS A FRIEND.

YOU ARE ACTUALY A REALY GOOD ONE, NOT JUST TO ME , BUT TO EVERYONE THATS EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING YOU.

PLEASE TRY NOT TO BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

Jj

:D:):cool::(

Link to comment

I hope you didn't bet very much, baby. :-)

You're a good friend to lots of people, otherwise, why would we all want to cheer you up when you're down? You do it for us ...

The kind of thing you described, sweety, eating for control, is how eating disorders happen. Eating, or not eating, is only for nutrition. Of course you can't ever succeed completely at not-eating, unless you die. And then you have to beat yourself up, because your body chose to live. How about working on other things to control, like where you live and who your friends are and who you listen to? Let your body have its food. Please?

Link to comment

thankyou guys.

yeah it's something i have been thinking lots and lots about for a long time. i don't know how to get rebellious with it. and no, i wouldn't want my daughter to be doing it. i know what i'm doing is not a good thing. but i can't change it. like i said, i automatically do it. i don't know how to change. and i can't eat atall lately. it's not that big of a deal anyway, i'm still alive. i don't know. it's confusing:(

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...