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struggling (trigger)



only writing in here to stop myself doing anything dumb,i keep looking at pills etc have not done anything though and dont think i will though that doesnt stop this fear or confusion in my head, i thought of throwing them away but cant bring myself to cant throw my regular meds anyway..fck my head is screaming i feel like im going to explode i wish i wasnt here i dont really want to die but i wish id never been born and i will be happy when i finally do, i hope i know when it's happening i want my last feeling to be relief and last thought..AT LAST.

i dont want burning they can do what they want with my body but not that.


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ok, and now im gonna interupt this brill conversation of yours, mainly coz im a self centered little madam, but also coz i understand what you are going through, i understand coz well i feel the same way constantly. The only thing that stops me from doing anything "dumb" is the lack of oppertunity, that and well the flipping nurses here that wont leave me alone.

The only thing i can say to you, which probably wont help any, is stay strong for as long as you can, and dont give up fighting the battle.

Is there anyone that you can talk to, maybe phone a friend ?

Can you see your doc, maybe he can help ?


Sod the neighbours, talk to yourself, scream if you need to, it might help you to feel a bit better.

Any how, sorry for the intrusion

Please take care, Im around if you want to vent, ok !!!


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what I gathered in your blog is that your strugglig big time , and need to feel some kind of relief from the emotional pain. you wrote that u have saved pills, and don;t want to throw them away . But keep looking at them.

CAuse they are there, it may be a relief to know they are there, it is like knowing they are there has brought comfort to u .

To me , it is no different then when a self harmer keeps and has their razers or si tools on hand at all times. Just knowing the stuff is there to turn to, to use, to cause damage to oneself , "just in case"

Is it depression your fighting? Depression is powerful , and wanting the escape from these awful feelings. Not to die, but to find relief in your pain , somehow?

Need alternatives to cope , better and safer ways to feel better. Any way to feel better other then self damaging alternatives?

Can you write some better ways to feel better other then hurting yourself?

perhaps self soothing ways to feel better?

mediatation, praying, even talking to a trusted friend? a therapist? what are ways that you can help yourself feel better that are not going to harm you physically?

just a thought?

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