im doing more and more but im not getting that same high, mostly anger which unfortunately makes it more messy and just know im going to end up with yet more ugly scars.
my blood is not warm bright clean any more its dark dirty and cold..i hate that coldness thats what makes me mad it feels dead so then i start ragging the blade over my skin rather than slicing.
so many ppl seem to think cuttings about pain but for me it isnt,it's not control or anything like that either it's just clean and gives me a high, just planning it knowing whats to come makes me feel that bit better.
i almost cut my stomach again, my own kind of lposuction tho ive not quite managed to dig that deep as it were.. drain that fat out, but by then the razor was blunt and i only have 1 spare which i need to have handy until i can get to the chemists.
when i do it i have this weird vision of draining all the yellow disgusting gunk into a glass then drinking it because somehow that pcture the reminder of the taste and texture will remain in my head and never again will i want another morsel pass my lips,