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A Group-Participation Fairy Tale


malign

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A couple of us had an idea to try writing a fairy tale, but in an unconventional way: each person who comments adds a paragraph, and we try to see where the story decides to go.

"I wrote a story 'bout it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes."

A Fairy Tale in Multiple Voices

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away ... there was a little girl with a serious problem: everything she did turned out badly. Not just a little bit badly, either. It was as if somebody followed her around and made everything she did into a mistake.

In fact, there was such a somebody! His name was Murphy, and he was an evil fairy. Such beings are invisible, except to other fairies, and are sometimes hired to give mortals a hard time. This is Murphy's story.

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Murphy is as old as time itself, Im sure you have heard of him, He has various disguises and although hes invisible, he always leaves his calling card ~ coz he wants people to know it was his accumplishment, although he is not a very intelligent fairy, coz like him his calling cards are also invisible to the human eye.

Occasionally you can sense his presence, you know when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, or you feel a little scared and arent sure why. Or that sudden bang or odd clonk in the middle of the night, yeah thats him, he gets a little careless in his eagerness to complete his plans.

Murphy spends all his spare moments causing choas and mayhem, and loves playing jokes on people ~ have you ever stumbled over on something, got up and looked to see what you tripped on, only to find there was nothing there. Thought so, thats him just filling in a few minutes.

Ok, well Murphy was having one of those nights, just filling in time till his next fax came through telling him of his "mission" (murphy loved the 007 films and so wanted to be the next James bond) So decided he would take a wonder down to the Fairy Supplies shop to see what Gadgets he could "borrow" (its not stealing really if you plan to return it for a refund, once its broken).............

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The door of the shop tinkled cheerily as it closed behind him, because fairies love bells and use them for everything from telling shopkeepers when someone has gone in or out, to waking up bellhops and chiming the floors in an elevator. Murphy, however, was irritated, because the tinkling betrayed his presence. A tiny shopkeeper peered through the door to the office behind the counter, and greeted him cheerfully, but with a hint of suspicion. After all, a scowling fairy is not that common a sight. Murphy muttered something vaguely dirty, and turned to examine the shop's wares.

...

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"Hmmm, I wonder what I shant buy today" he thought smugley to himself. There was so much he wanted to "borrow" but oh so little in comparism that he could carry in his pokets. The shelves laden with lots of items that sparkled and gleamed. Hundreds of varieties of Fairy dust, Wands galore, some with stars on the tip, some every colour of a rainbow (he hated those,~ far to cheerful for his taste), Magic books, (yawn boring, like who reads these days anyway, thats why dvds are available) Hats, cloaks, lotions and potions, erm yeah wing moisturiser he thought and gleefully put some in his poket, whilst the shop keeper was seeing to Tinkerbell and her endless list of "I wants".....

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Murphy, somewhat disgusted by the cheerful (if a tad demanding) chatter of Tinkerbell, stashed some more "donations" for his cause and hurriedly left the store. Pausing briefly to quickly scribble the word Not to the "Open" notice on the door. (some things were just asking to be altered after all)

He clicked his heels a few times...... and nothing happened (I mean why would it, hes no Dorothy, and the land of OZ is a different story entirely) So he flapped his little wings and set off on the start of his journey home...............

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Suddenly, he smacked his forehead. Once his vision cleared (Murphy had a fairly small brain even for a fairy, so it tended to rattle a bit when he mistreated it), he remembered what he had almost forgotten to remember. So he went back into the shop, ignoring the tinkling of the bell, and started looking for something. He just hoped he would recognize when he found it, if it was there.

Eventually, he stopped in front of a sign that said "Queue forms here". Slowly, a smile spread across his face. Murphy spoke to the empty air, "Queue, come out here, I have need of your services." From a distance, there was a reply. "Triple-ought-seven, is that you? Well, then, we'll just have to try it out. Snotty, beam me up!"

A faint blob appeared in the air in front of Murphy, and began to solidify. There was a brief glimpse of a horribly misshapen tangle of limbs, ears on elbows, eyes blinking out of an inside-out torso, and [other things too horrible to mention. ed.] The voice shouted, "Dammit, Snotty, I'm an engineer, not a hideous blob! I can't hold it together! It's breaking up!" An answer came stuffily, "Sobby, suh", and the apparition disappeared with a snap.

Gradually in its place appeared a distracted-looking old fairy with hair sticking up randomly. He wore a coffee-stained old lab-coat which he had mistakenly put on over one wing. This gave him a slight tilt and a tendency to revolve slowly in place, but he didn't notice. His eyes stared wildly with a combination of too much caffeine and the excitement of his recent disassembly. He muttered to himself, "Good boy, that Snotty, but terrible sinuses. Keeps wiping his nose on his sleeve and knocking off my sensitive instruments ..."

The old fairy, who was of course the legendary Queue, master of gadgetry for Her Majesty's Secret Fairy Service, finally noticed Murphy. "Oh, it's you. Come to bring me back that beautiful nuclear device you borrowed last time, have you?" Murphy had the good grace to blush and muttered something about a nasty ogre accident. "Oh, do try to be more careful with the things I lend you, Triple-ought-seven! Those things are expensive!" Murphy replied defensively, "I was careful, Queue, I told you. Someone stole it from where I had it safely stored, and used it [in a fashion which cannot be described in a family story. ed.]" Murphy broke off and shouted, "Ed! Do you mind? I've a story to tell, here!" [Oh, sorry. Don't mind me. ed.]

Luckily, Queue was a touch forgetful, and had already forgotten to be angry. "Well, then, do come see what the boys are working on in the back." Murphy hesitated. "We don't have to 'beam' there, do we?" Queue shook his head impatiently. "No, no, that's just something we were working on. Still needs a bit of work, I suppose. Right through the curtain back here ..." And he held aside the curtain to allow Murphy to go first.

...

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Hessitantly Murphy edged slowly forward, (Murphy wasnt big on trust, especially after the growth experiment, which instead of making his wings bigger actually shrunk them out of proportion.) impatiently Queue pushed him through the curtain and out of his way.

Murphys' eyes gotten immediately drawn to the big red (yes I said red, not purple ok) button, which had a rather large sign next to it saying "Do not TOUCH !!!" Well without giving it a second thought , not even time for a first thought really, murphy flapped his little wings and took off. Queue sensing this is what Murphy was about to do, grabbed him and pulled him back down to the ground.

"Humph, what did y'do that for" he exclaimed sulkidly

Queue rolled his eyes, and said nothing, he wasnt going to waste his time responding to Tripple-ought-seven.

Instead he escorted Murphy over to the desk top where he had been working on one of his latest inventions ........

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On a cluttered work-bench covered with miscellaneous wires and bits of gauze, there was a teensy fairy-sized dinner jacket. Now, all fairies enjoy a bit of dress-up now and again, but their tastes tend more towards feather boas and too much makeup. So Murphy was a bit uncertain as Queue said, "Here, Triple-ought-seven. Put this on." But the old fairy had such an air of command that Murphy simply obeyed.

Queue looked at him, straightened his lapels, and then took off for the red button. Covering his eyes, Queue carelessly slapped at the "Do not TOUCH" button. Murphy did not even have time to flinch as a blaze of electrical discharges flashed like lightning out of his tuxedo and crackled in the air around him. The hair between his wings was standing on end. "Good, good", chuckled Queue as he hit the button again and the lightning died out.

"That'll keep you from being sucked into any vacuum cleaners you might encounter along the way. The electricity repels the dust around you and allows you to fly through the suction. Just mind that you don't touch any metal while it's active." Murphy paused for a second, then asked, "What will happen if I do touch metal?" "Why, you'll be vaporized by the discharge, old chap. Best not try it."

As Murphy hurried to get the jacket off, Queue bustled over to a stuffed replica of an ogre that rose from floor to ceiling in a corner of the lab. "Now, this chap will allow us to demonstrate one of our newest little toys. Smith, if you would." That last was to a bearded technician who seemed to be waiting for Queue's cue.

Smith produced several items from the bench beside him: a cloak, a large cigar made of coarse local leaf, and a nuclear device that Murphy recognized from an earlier adventure [thank you for avoiding the less family-oriented details of that escapade. ed.] {No problem, now, may I?} [of course, of course. ed.]

Anyway, Smith quickly stowed the cigar and the bomb in pockets of his lab-coat, and covered himself with the cloak. He promptly became invisible. "Queue, that's marvelous!" "Wait, you haven't seen the best bit yet", Queue replied smugly. Suddenly, the cigar appeared in mid-air, right in front of the fake-ogre's mouth, and was shoved inside and lit. The simulated ogre took a couple of puffs and fell over face-first. There was a muffled "Oy!" from underneath, then a grunting, and the ogre shifted a few feet to the left and slumped closer to the floor.

Thinking the demonstration was over, Murphy began to speak, but Queue shushed him again. The bomb had appeared above the ogre's back, with some muffled cursing because one of the fins had got bent by the toppling of the giant. The bomb lifted and then ... {Well, aren't you going to censor this?} [What, who, oh me? No, no, it's actually fascinating. What happens next? ed.] {You don't know?} [Well, no, unless ... ed.] {Exactly.} [*closes eyes* ed.] Having been inserted in the, um, only orifice on the ogre that was currently available {Will that do?} [Yes, yes, quite well, thank you. ed.], the bomb detonated. The model ogre shattered, spraying the room with wet styrofoam and blowing off Smith's cloak. Murphy silently applauded Queue's genius.

...

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Murphy, glancing down at his watch, realised the time was getting on, eyed the big red button up for size, and the "Do not TOUCH" sign, hearing both Queue and Smith clearing their throat (in that annoying authoritive manner) thought better of it, and decided he'd wait for another oppertunity to arrise. Grabbed his new jacket, the cigar, cloak and a few other things earlier mentioned (yeah ok and some of the wires that were carelessly left in temptations way), and went on his merry way, (a little slower than usual, he was kinda weighed down by his newly found possesions, and his gifts from Queue)

Murphy headed for the door, pausing (once again) to draw a smilie face resembling Queue on the notice board, and hurriedly scribbled a few choice words, (obviously unrepeatable) and signed it Tinkerbell, "that 'll teach her for distracting him earlier" he thought smugly to himself.

The bell lazily tinkled (it had been a long day for Bella the bell, she was getting tired now) as Murphy slammed the door behind him.

Murphy clicked his heels a few times........... and nothing (no shock there, he really must get hold of some of them ruby slippers that Dorothy girl had, he tutted to himself dissapointedly) Begrudgingly he flapped his little wings and took off for his journey home. he couldnt wait to try out that new wing moisturiser !!! (yes I said home, no he didnt forget anything,) ((or did he ?)) ........

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Murphy closed the door of his tiny flat on the noise of a gnome and his wife fighting over who gets to wear the pointy hat in the family, and sighed. "I really need to find a better place," he thought, but he knew he couldn't afford it unless he got a lucky break of some kind.

He sorted through his mail, tossing out the junk unopened, but he stopped at a large, official-looking envelope that was smoking slightly. There was a large seal with the coat of arms of Her Majesty's Secret Fairy Service (suffice it to say, you don't ever want to see a fairy rampant), but this was not necessarily reassuring. "Hmm, I wonder whether I should open this one," he asked his tiny little brain. "Sure!" it replied. So, slipping the end of his wand under the flap (it had to be good for something), he tore open his letter.

There was a red light, and a voice spoke. It turned out to be Queue's voice: "Ah, Triple-ought-seven. Listen carefully, now. Do you remember that prototype for a new wand that we've been working on? No? Oh, never mind. We've lost the instruction manual for it. Oh, and the wand, as well. It's the only one of its kind, you know, very hush-hush. Do try not to break it. We call it Wand A. If you retrieve it for the Service, we will make it worth your while."

"Oh, and by the way: this letter will self-destruct in ... let's see, about ten seconds."

Murphy quickly dropped the letter on the floor and waited, counting, somewhat uncertainly as he reached the dreaded double-digit numbers. After much more than ten seconds, nothing had happened. It was sometimes whispered that not every Queue gadget worked precisely as designed, but because the whisperer tended to explode soon after, not very often.

Having tired itself out with the counting, Murphy's tiny brain took a little while to remember the message. A missing wand, complete with instruction manual! Now that would fetch a fair price on the white market (fairies are color-blind). Maybe he could even start a bidding war between the Service and the Enemy. He could be rich!

So, he turned and dashed back out into the night. As the door slammed behind him, the letter on the floor burst into flames, setting his sitting room cheerily blazing. Good thing he'd brought in extra firewood.

...

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So now poor Murphy, homeless,obviously mourning the loss of his Gnome neighbours [awwwww, start the Violins pronto] Sat down on a tree stump up the road to where his flat once was, and reflected upon his recent loss. (for all of 2 seconds) then with a glint in his eye and a bounce in his stride he jumped up with a certain joy and shouted "yabba dabba doo" (yeah he kinda liked "The Flintstones")

Murphy somewhat now in a hyper, decided to celebrate his recent erm....... good (mis)fortune and quickly searched his pocket for the magic candy bar he saved for a special day [well days dont come anymore special than refound freedom, even for a evil fairy] For today surely was a special one, coz like no longer did he have to cram all his treasure into a tiny flat, hell no, he was gonna have a luxurious tree mansion, (curtesy of the Queens secret service, once the compensation came through) a minute or so later, he found the candy, alas it was all gone, all that remained was a empy wrapper. Humph, Murphy sulked, he forgot he couldny wait for that special day, and ate it shortly after he borrowed it from a little fairy a few lanes away a couple of days ago ~ "darn it" he continued, followed by "%*%$" and "*^*^ " etc....

"Ah", he scratched the top of his (slightly) balding head, now what was it I was meant to be doing, hmmmm, he thought for a while,........ Hmmmmm, (yep still thinking)..... Hmmmmm.............. and then suddenly

Wand A [sounds suspiciously like Jjs'wanda (Jj)] and that missing manual, so in his usual, if becoming a tad tedious manner, he clicked his heels a few times and........... [yawn, ooh I wonder what happens :rolleyes:]........ nothing. [there ya go] tutting rather loudly for such a tiny fairy, murphy flapped his little wings, and took to the air once again....

Pausing slightly mid flight as he tried to think which way he should go..... Eenie, Meenie, Minee, Mo, which way should I go, as he sang his song he turned left to right, feeling a tad dizzy now and forgetting which way he actually landed on, he thought blow it, and just went that way ......

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Well, knowing how much difficulty Murphy has finding both halves of his own hindquarters with the respective hands, it's a good thing we don't have to follow him.

You see, as an omniscient narrator (it means I know everything; I just know someone's going to ask; again, that's what 'omniscient' means), I already know where the wand is. That's one of the (few) perks of this job. So, anyway, it's ... over here.

The wand was just lying there on the side of path through the forest, next to a shallow mud puddle, when Sulking Sue found it. She had gone astray in the deep woods, searching for the elves who had taken her Smileys. She had wondered about the barbed-wire fence, when she had come across it. Of course, the signs that read "KEEP OUT! Not a top-secret Government installation for testing all sorts of things you shouldn't know about." did nothing to deter her. After all, the signs were clearly meant for other people, who didn't need to get through here. So she followed the fence along until she found a convenient hole, and squeezed through.

On the inside of the fence was a path, and Sue was following that when she found the wand. "Hey, this is kinda like the one the fairy godfather had. Except there's a name on it: 'Wanda', it says. Funny sort of name for a wand." She looked around to see if there was anything else lying around and, lo and behold, there was. {That's the kind of stuff we omniscient narrators like to put in, your 'lo and beholds'. Makes people think we didn't know it was there the whole time.}

Sue picked up the book, which had fallen open face down on the ground. The spine said "W A N D A" and had a tiny little coat of arms that looked vaguely obscene, when she squinted at it. Then she wiped a speck of mud off it, and it became much clearer: Yep, definitely obscene. A rampant fairy. Now, who would put a rampant fairy on a coat of arms?

{Yep, now you guys get to feel a little of what 'omniscient' means. Don't give it away, though.}

Sue riffled through the pages of the manual, stopping occasionally at some of the more intricate illustrations. It didn't make much sense to her, and she didn't have any time to try it out. So she stuffed the wand and manual into her backpack, and went on.

....

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Murphy, who'd been flying for some time now, was lost, well not lost exactly, just didnt have a clue where he was. (ofcourse he wouldnt admit it to anyone though).

So he landed nearby to some Woodlands, stumbling slightly upon his arrival on the ground, and stubbed his big toe. "Ouch" he whinged.

Time for food, so in search for a snack, he headed toward the woodland. Maybe some fruit or something would be in one of the trees nearby, or a burger bar (those things get everywhere, and thay sell candy, its still his special day, after all)

Half hopping (coz of his now poorly big toe) half flying and half doing a wierd type of walking [fairies can have 3 halfs if they want :P], yep, Murphy was feeling a little sorry for himself, (and especially his big toe) and is kinda attention seeking. (even fairies get that way once in a while). So big brave Murphy :D fought back the tears, and continued on his quest, .... for food (no not for Wand A, or the missing wand manual, Murphy was hungry, and his own needs take priority.)

And besides he wanted some magic cream for his poorly big toe, that other stuff was just gonna have to wait ..........

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Sulking Sue, queitly pleased with her find, was sulkingly (and happily to a certain degree) skipping and singing aloud minding her own (and everyone elses) business. Occasionally stopping once in a while to play with the fallen leaves and climb the odd tree. [it would be too easy to climb a normal looking tree].

Still wondering what the word rampant meant (as unlike some, she never read a dictionary before, except a childs one, but that just had pictures of objects with the word written underneath, and that was years ago now) it was kinda bugging her, but new she shouldnt ask anyone ~ cause she didnt want people to start calling her Stupid Sue instead.

Sulking Sue came across "M,Dees" [Magical Donalds]. "M,Dees" was a burger bar, that also sold cakes (well things that resembled burgers and cakes, and could loosely be described as food), feeling a little munchified [its a word now ok] checking her purse for gold coins, well loose change at any rate, she went inside ..........

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When Sulking Sue entered "M,Dees" she was shocked by what she saw. Sitting right there, in the flesh, was a vampire! Now, being she has already been traveling in the land of make believe, this shouldn't have surprised her. She was beginning to wonder if everything that she had previously thought only existed in fairy tales was real. At first glance, you might have thought this vampire was just an ordinary human. But then he stood, and walked towards the cashier. Sulking Sue had never seen anything more beautiful in her life. He was obvioulsly not human. The grace with which he carried himself and the sing-song tone of his perfect voice along with the slight sparkling left on his skin from his short exposure to the sun, left no question in Sulking Sue's mind. This was a vampire, a creature which until now she had only read about, and never dreamt one actually existed. And before she could have a second glance, he was gone.

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Murphy's rather random sort of flying had carried him far from his usual haunts. As he flew-hopped over acre after acre of woodlands, which surrounded a random crater or two from stray test missiles, his stomach was getting angrier and more angry, whichever is correct grammar. {Murphy's stomach, unlike Murphy, cared about such things as grammar.}

Catching sight of something bright yellow amidst all the green, he turned awkwardly and zoomed in for a look. He whizzed through both arches before he recognized it: Magical Donald's, known across the land as a haven for greasy food and overweight roaches. Started by a homely wizard named Krapp, who thought people would prefer the name 'Donald', and was right for once, it had grown into a string of countless identical boxes (complete with arches) where people could go when real food either couldn't be found or would be too much trouble. This particular location was ideal, because both were true.

As he swooped down to the entrance door, a fast-moving bat knocked him out of the way and flew off. "Stupid vampires! They all think they're special, like they own the flightpaths, or something." Muttering to himself, Murphy pulled open the glass door. Thankful that there was no tinkling bell, he went inside.

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There weren't many people in line; this was an out-of-the-way location. But, as always, the person at the front of the line was ordering for a family of twelve starving little blood-suckers, who were running around the shop, screaming. Well, mostly it was the other customers screaming. And of course, none of the blood-suckers had told the person what they wanted.

As they were trying to sort that out ("Do you want whole blood, Billy, or just serum?"), Murphy looked around at the people waiting. In front of him was a rather heavily-bearded dwarf. Murphy had had some trouble with dwarves in the past: he was fond of flying in very fast and tweaking their noses, something that dwarves dislike intensely, and dwarves carry axes. He wasn't sure whether he recognized this one or not; heck, it's a dwarf, what's to recognize, hat color? So, Murphy quickly turned away towards the girl in the line next to him. The blood-suckers were blocking that line, too, because they hadn't actually chosen a line, and for some reason, no one had felt it necessary to point that out to them. People form an attachment to certain of their bodily fluids, who knows why.

The girl looked tired and a little trail-worn, with a large backpack over her shoulders. There was a stick sticking out from under its flap that looked vaguely familiar. She was picking through a handful of dusty hard candy and pocket lint, looking for coins. She was muttering. "Oh bugger, there's never a pot of gold around when you need one. Oh, I do hope I have enough for a Big Whack! I love the way the two patties of mysterious meat-like substance slide across each other as you bite into one."

Murphy's ears pricked up. For one thing, the girl was fairly pretty. For another, Murphy was as hungry as she was, and a Big Whack sounded like just the thing. But most importantly, she had a few coins he could steal. So he tried to engage her in conversation, in that swave de-boner way they'd taught him in fairy spy school. "Oy, miss! You look like you've walked a few miles, and no mistake."

Sue looked bewildered for a minute, then realized that the tiny voice she had heard was coming from the hovering two-inch fairy next to her. Although Sue had just recently had an experience with a fairy godfather, that one had been human-sized, and had no wings. This one was uglier and, well, not as good at flying. "Oh, hello," she said to him.

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Murphy, who as usual was no longer paying attention to the girl, coz something just walked by with a bucket containing a fairy meal (with toy)......

"I said hello" Sue said a bit less friendlier, she was fighting the urge not to stomp on the ignorant being.

"Eh ?, wot?" Murphy replied a tad rudely himself, a little annoyed for this girl interupting his train of thought.

"Whos next please ?" Sylvia the server called.

Murphy and Sulking Sue just stared at each other, both trying to work out why in gods name they were wasting there time in conversation.

"Whos next PLEASE ?" repeated Sylvia the server "Oh geez does anyone want serving or what, like Im not just stood here for the sheer fun of it you know" Sylvia muttered, "Why cant everyone just Moo Off" she continued muttering. "despite what you all choose to believe.........."

Murphy finally deciding the need to get his hunger and thirst quenched was far more important than winning a stareing competition, pushed passed the girl and and rushed to the counter to put in his order.

Sulking Sue stood there triumphant, coz she had won the contest, and started doing her little "Ner ner ner ner ner" song and dance, Upon hearing that fairy placing his food order, she stopped her little routine, "Oh damn it" she exclaimed, and stomped her foot rather loudly "tricked by a fairy again" ...........

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Strangely, something about Sue's irritation seemed to activate the wand in her backpack. A faint stream of fairy dust trickled down out of the pack and onto the floor.

Just then, Murphy gave his order in his loudest voice, to make sure that the bad-tempered Sylvia could hear him, "I want a Big Whack, right now!"

The sparkle from the backpack intensified, and a big hand appeared and whacked Murphy sharply on the back of the head. Whack! The hand then promptly disappeared.

"Ow! Who did that?" There are few things more horrible than an angry fairy, and Murphy wasn't all that attractive to start with. He glared around the room, but the blood-suckers were all slurping noisily at their tables, the dwarf had had his burger to go, and the only other person around was Sue, who didn't look capable of delivering quite such a large whack as he had just felt, despite her obvious laughter. He glared at her for a moment, and turned back to Sylvia. "I said, I want a Big Whack!"

The hand reappeared, and again, Murphy reeled from the blow. Before he could turn around, the hand had vanished again. There was, however, a suspicious stream of fairy dust from Sue's backpack by now. Fortunately, Murphy wasn't all that bright, and he couldn't imagine that someone who looked as sweet as Sue could hit him that hard.

Finally, Murphy turned back to Sylvia. He shook his aching head, and slapped at a couple of the stars that were circling it. They squeaked and flew off. "I'll have a ... burger and fries," he said, and ducked. Nothing happened, except that Sylvia bustled off to get his order. He sighed in relief. "Bugger me if that didn't hurt," he muttered under his breath. Luckily for Murphy, it had hurt, or he might have been in even more pain, right this moment.

After paying for his pitiful burger and fries with a couple of greasy coins he'd nicked from one of the other agents, he wobbled off to find a table.

Sue stepped forward in his place, still wiping at the tears of laughter in her eyes. She didn't know why the ugly fairy had kept hitting himself, but it had been very funny to watch. She eyed the few small coins she had, and said to Sylvia, "How much is a Big Whack, please? I don't know if I have enough ..." When she heard how much they wanted for one of those big, juicy, meat-like delicacies, her face fell. "Oh. That much. Oh, well, then ..." And suddenly, a small pile of valuable-looking gold coins appeared on her palm. Sue looked around quickly, but no one was there. She didn't notice the trickle of fairy dust on her wrist. She smiled suddenly.

"Oh, it looks like I do! I'll have two, then!"

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In record time Murphy guzzled down his Big Whack and fizzy pop. after all he thought as he rubbed his poorly head "What the heck kinda place is this !!!"

Murphy stood up and headed toward the door, glancing briefly over toward the girl, that was rather annoyingly looking rather smug at the moment. Muttering a few choice words loud enough and in a language only fairies understand, Murphy looked on with pride and a sense of achievement as the girls Big Whacks dissapeared and her fizzy pop promptly proceeded to empty itself over her lap.

Murphy headed for the door, this time however there was a gentle "Tinkle Tinkle" as the door closed behind him, damn it he thought, the bell must of been on her lunch break.

Murphy reopened the door, glanced upward and sure enough there was a bell, so Murphy being Murphy, flew up and detached the darn thing and hurriedly threw it in the trash [where he thought it belonged]

Not wanting to take any chances of being caught, [sylvia, was lurking nearby, and well he didnt relish the thought of being on the wrong side of her]Murphy flew out the window that was slightly ajar...........

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As soon as Sue's fizzy pop started to spill onto her lap, it vaporized with a hissing of fairy dust. Before she had a chance to react to the disappearance of her entire meal, Sue felt a tugging at her back that threatened to tip her from her seat. As Murphy dodged towards the window, it slammed shut and he passed right through, landing on the pavement outside in a hail of broken glass. He didn't come to a stop, however; he jumped right up and headed off on a fairyline (pretty much the same as a beeline, really) into the distance, trailing smoke. He probably broke the sound barrier, which is lower for fairies because they don't make much noise, but he couldn't hear it over the buzzing in his head, which had absorbed far more than its usual quota of abuse today.

Sue snatched the still-struggling backpack off her back, and looked inside. The wand, vibrating strangely, clattered to the ground. As Murphy receded into the distance, however, the wand's struggles ceased. Sue bent to pick it up from the floor. It was warm in her hand, nearly hot. She examined it wonderingly. Could the wand be the source of the strange events in the M'Dees?

"Are you ... alive?" she whispered. The wand bobbed slightly, as if nodding.

"But ... how?" The wand tipped in her hand, tapping the book in her backpack that she had found with it. "You're ... Wanda?" The wand nodded again.

"Did you do all that?" The wand waggled from side to side, this time, as if to indicate "no". "Well, who did? Some great wizard?", Sue asked, looking around and seeing only Sylvia and bloodsuckers. The wand gently tapped her own hand. "But ... how could I possibly ..." Somewhat impatiently, the wand riffled the pages of the manual, tapped the open book, and pointed pointedly. It had been designed for use by fairies, not the smartest of creatures at the best of times, but this girl was really slow.

Sue read the page the wand was indicating: "Caution: intelligent magical device. Use only under proper supervision. Be especially careful to remain calm at all times in its presence. This device is attuned to the emotions of the carrier. Even the mildest anger can cause it to attack the target of that anger. It will protect the carrier from whatever it conceives of as harm. Note that it will use its own judgment about what harm is."

"Sheesh!" sighed Sue, somewhat sibilantly. "No wonder you went after that rather unpleasant fairy." The wand nodded vigorously, and tugged at her hand as if to continue its pursuit of poor Murphy. "No, no, it's all right now. Thank you for helping me, though." The wand nodded, and nuzzled her arm like a cat made from a stick. "Aw, I think it likes me," thought Sue. "I wonder what it eats. For that matter, I wonder what I should eat?"

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Whilst Sue was busy wondering loadsa wonders, she also wondered how the heck she could of sighed sibilantly, especially as she had no idea what that word meant [well do any of you ?] perhaps she was brighter than she had originally thought. Anyway she was just pleased that she had a new friend, even if it was just a elaberate twig.

............

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Murphy, some what exhausted from all that really cool speedy flying landed in a heap on a nearby mushroom [no the mushroom was not of the magic variety]

Gasping, trying to breathe whilst he waited for his breath to catch up with him, panting for a few moments till ah yep there it was, he clumsily reached out and swotted around at his breath till he caught it, and put back where it belonged [for those that are curious, a fairies breath is kept in a place no one would dare to look, underneath their hat ~ like where else ?] .............

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Murphy, getting a tad restless, coz hed been on this mushroom for a time now [days infact] trying to work out what it was exactly he was meant to be doing, something was bugging him [other than the gnatts] he just didnt know exactly what. Scratching his head a few times, before eventually slapping his forehead [a bit too hard] It was that darn girl from the "M;dees"

Sensing it was time for a bit of action, Murphy jumped down from the mushroom. the mushroom let out a sigh of releif that nothing was on him now and wriggled to get comfy and squeeked with delight that the smelly fairy was now off him.

Murphy, his face full of determination, clicked his heels a few times ........ and {oh geez here we go again]..... nothing, except for a lot of giggles coming from the direction of the mushroom. Murphy undetered by this slight embarrasement, simply pointed his wand at the mushroom and with a flick and a swoosh the mushroom turned into a ....[wait for it] ....... turned into a toadstool [wow that was really worth the wait.]

Satisfied murphy flapped his little wings and flew off into the distance. [for those who are interested he flew this way, then that way before finally deciding hed go straight ahead, changed his mind and went the other way]...........

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