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Its Been 8 Wks



I've been on my Celexa and Topamax exactly 8 weeks today.

I seriously feel like a different person and I am doing things I had long forgotten about.

I'm reading my magazines and books on a daily basis once again.

I'm getting up and getting dressed by 9am in the mornings. Now I may undress by Noon or by late evening but I'm dressing everyday.

I've started to Journal everyday now. I'm even writing one letter a week to a friend out of town.

My house is cleaned.

But I'm still not totally totally back to normal.

I'm alittle to paranoid. I think too many people are talking about me when they are not. I am still finding it hard to believe that anybody likes me. Which makes me sad and makes me wanna cry.

And I still can't pick up the pen to work on the book. Not a sentence not even a paragraph. Its just to much to think about its just to much to do.

But I guess this too shall pass...


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Is it possible to write something else, and then convert it into "the book"?

If I had a serious creative goal, like that, I'd probably run for the hills ... Maybe write something silly, like a pastiche (or a fairy tale)? ;-) It might help you with your confidence.

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I've tried to write alittle poetry wasn't happening.

Use to write crime articles. So out of no where I found myself watching these documentaries about true crime this weekend.

I was enthralled focused and concentrating. I watched The Narcotics Farm about inmates in a Lexington Ky Federal Prison. The 1st an only of its kind.

They were addicted to Heroin used as guineau pigs and of course many had mental illness.

Anyways I wanted to sit and write an article about it. Couldn't do it.

It just seems to big. Even on paper. I haven't turned my computer on yet. Its too overwhelming.

I get on the internet via my Palm Centro Smart Device..

But malign I really do miss writing now but it just overwhelms me when I sit down to start it.

I dunno?????

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Mmm. I know it hurts, almost like you can't talk any more.

My experience may be totally different, but ...

When I was a senior in high school, planning on four Advanced Placement tests at the end of the year, including the one for English, I got very depressed. Simply, I wasn't ready for the social challenges of college, and some part of me knew it. So, I stopped being able to write, and the English class was, of course, full of writing assignments. All I could think, sitting with pen in hand (pre-computer days) was, "Why bother?" In the end, the teacher gave me a choice, take a test or repeat it in the summer. Of course, I aced the test. But I couldn't be confident that I would be able to write for a number of years, and I did fail any number of semesters of college English.

So I dunno, either. I do believe you'll get past it, but I would predict that anti-depressants alone won't do it. I would guess (and that's all it is, but) you probably have your reasons not to write, and eventually, you'll let yourself know what they are.

This is why I was suggesting just writing for fun, because it seems to block you if the goal is publication. Or maybe some completely different art form; maybe even a non-verbal one?

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You're right malign.

I know why I don't want to pick up where I left off on the book cause its too darn sad. And I don't feel like being sad.

Tomorrow I'm just gonna write something for fun. Don't wanna write any poetry cause that's always been emotional or deep thinking for me.

Don't have any idea what I will write about just for fun but I'm going to get up in the morning like I use to an actually turn the computer on and just write something for fun.

I won't get arrested and the police won't come and get me. My computer hasn't been turned on in like 7 mths.

It maybe just a paragraph or two...babysteps lol.

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Where I get triggered just thinking of writing something that I could seriously describe as "fact" ...

Sorry. I just thought it might be something lighthearted and upbeat and other compound words. :-)

Do what comes naturally, by all means.

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I love my Celexa I don't have any side effects. sorry I'm just responding but I fell completely asleep in the middle of this conversation I'm such an egghead.

anyways it took me a couple of wks to feel it then I dipped by the 4th week I knew I had Celexa in me and that it was doing the job.

I luv my 20mg of celexa and my 100mg of Topamax.

I'm not coming off my meds this time. I don't care how much I hate meds I love them - they are my friends!

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