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The Computer is Turned on


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After 7 mths I actually turned my computer on BUT that's only because I told Sue & Malign I was going to do it.

It still seems operable.

I don't want to touch it. I might fail. I might have to think. I might have to form some thoughts. It might consume my energy. If I sit at the computer today I will be expected to do it tomorrow then the next day and so forth and so on. Then I will be right back to where I started.

No life.

Just locked up in this small one bedroom house lonely ass hell behind these walls.

That's why I don't wanna write.

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You might succeed! :-)

Sorry, I tend to bounce sometimes.

And I don't always practice what I preach. I get stuck sometimes, too.

It sounds to me as if you feel that working at a computer was one of the things that got you depressed in the first place? I agree, don't do things that aren't fun. You're the one who has to decide what is fun.

You sound lonely. Maybe it's worth getting out of your lonely ass hell and just talking to people? ;-) Volunteer work comes to mind as one way.

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You're good Malign! You pretty much nailed it on the head.

I was and am a very lonely person whose only friend and companion was that stupid computer behind these stupid walls for so many years.

I craved human companionship.

The majority of my friends live out of state. My boyfriend does also.

I have a few friends here but they need me to take care of them and I'm not in the mood to take care of anyone right now. The dynamics of our relationship has taken a serious turn.

I do need to go volunteer and everyday I say I'm going to call. What stops me? Fear.

But you're right the computer and writing I relate to depression. Now I've got to figure out how to get past that.

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Well, maybe you'll give yourself permission to write again once you're sure you have enough support in place not to fall back again.

Maybe it's that fear thing that you need to work with. Can you break it up into smaller pieces? I mean, if it's a general social anxiety, you could do smaller, less-threatening things first (David O suggests taking a walk and making the effort to greet each passerby). If it's specific to calling this particular place, you could try other places. Many people who attend church, for instance, find volunteer opportunities just by talking to people there.

It's definitely something you can work on. And stuff like this is the reason why medication alone probably won't do the trick, completely. You need the support of medication in order to work the process of healing, but it requires both.

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OMG! I've been waiting on the meds to do it.

I'm very comfortable walking talking shopping meeting greeting strangers in my neighborhood.

I went to church 2 mths ago it was just too much I haven't been back since.

Ok now that I know the meds isn't going to be the cure all I will definitely mk a plan.

I'm going to find a Bookstore. Once a wk I will spend time in there. Starting next week. I've got to get my mind use to this idea.

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Why thank you Jj I've been sitting here waiting for the meds to do it all. I've been calling United Way Agency their line is busy. they will tell me where I can find free support groups for people like me. I will do that to. if it aint one thing its another.

-Uhm Maam What's Your Problem?

-I'm scared to really leave my community. So I stay locked inside.

Girl I've gotta laugh to keep from crying. *smile*

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oh vicki

youre funny, but only coz well it seems it dont matter what country your in, the systems are all more or less the same :)

i knda know how it feels hun, when i was home, i was too scared to even leave my house, it took days to pluck up the courage, then when i finally did, i ended up freaking out in the middle of the shop, left all my stuff, and came back home.

its not easy to find the courage it takes, but your trying, and that speaks volumes

and yeah, laughing beats crying any day of the week :)

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Girl I'm glad someone can appreciate my sense of humor. I got so worried and stressed a few days before court that I kept seeing a black rat running across my livingroom table.

Ofcourse there was no rat at all. Just plain stress doing that to me. But nobody laughed when I said "At least he looked warm and fuzzy."

I mean come on lighten up people. *snickers*

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lol malign

I made the call I found a support group that meets twice a week. I'm going to it...yep! That one thing I can.

Wow I actually got something accomplished today.

So now I'm going to turn off the computer. *big laughs* hehe

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