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Fell in love with my female therapist and now I miss her so much.


polcsek10
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Hello everyone!

I'm a new member and the reason I seek help is not unusual, but I really don't know what to do about it.

For 1 year, I was seeking a therapist, who helped me with my Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety.

With the talking therapy, and with some medicine, after a few months, I was finally able to go to a supermarket ALONE, which was very hard to me but I did it.

But i started to fell in love with her...Or at least I think it is "love" that I feel.

In September, we had the last therapy, but I still couldn't tell her what I feel.

The weird thing is that the grief feeling has started 2 days ago , but I didn't have a therapy since September.(2 months)

I read about other people online. They say it's a normal feeling and it should be discussed with your therapist, but I can't just go back, because i miss her. I don't want her to feel embarassed.

I'm only 17 and she looks like 24, maybe more, but she looks really young.

She has a facebook profile, and I was thinking about to write theese things down to her, but I'm scared. What if she won't reply?

Will this feeling ever end by time? I can't stop thinking about her every time . I know this relationship will never work and this is why I want this feeling to fade away, because it only hurts me. :/ Or it is not love at all?

What do you suggest?

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Your feelings are very natural, polcsek. You might think of this as your love. Your feelings tell your story in some way and what you need and want from a relationship. There is a lot to be learned about oneself by exploring such feelings. If the feelings are overwhelming, you might consider returning to therapy and discussing your feelings or seeing another therapist to discuss them. You know you have much to offer and what you learn from your therapy relationship can help you in your other relationships. I hope you will be gentle with yourself.

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Hello, Polcsek,

I agree with both previous comments. I even know from my own experience that attempts at communicating with your ex-therapist may go very wrong (it hurts too much, unnecessarily, when (s)he doesn't react as you expected - mainly doesn't react at all). I would wait for several months and see if the grief vanishes or not. It always takes time to infatuation, as well as to grief, to attenuate and eventually disappear. You may "endure" it yourself, but you also may seek professional help in case you feel it's too overwhelming and making you really miserable. In both cases it can be an enriching experience, mainly if you don't focus on this issue to much and don't "neglect" your life, your relationships because of it.

BTW; being enamoured isn't only painful, it brings also several pleasant feelings, doesn't it? Can you focus on them (while they are still here) instead of dwelling in the misery of the "impossibility to have a romantic relationship with the woman who attracts you"? You're in an advantageous position compared to being in love with somebody who could potentially be your partner: You don't have to doubt "will she ever love me?", or try to impress / seduce her, or think "what if I'm not good enough for her?" and other problems many infatuated guys have. I think you may see these feelings as a kind of gift, although ambiguous because the love is (has to be) accompanied also by the grief due to not seeing your ex-therapist anymore. Well, you don't visit her every week anymore, but you still have your memories. (And seeing her again wouldn't increase the (zero) potential to having a romantic relationship with her anyway.)

Briefly, I would recommend asking her (not on Facebook, of course!! By phone or e-mail or in person - in her office.) about re-entering therapy only after several months in case your suffering from the love and grief wouldn't fade away. She should be competent to deal with this herself (you don't have to be afraid of her feeling embarrassed!) and even help you to understand and correctly process these feelings.

BTW, here are some links I find useful in this context. Perhaps reading more about it may help a bit:

https://www.psycholo...de-transference

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/questions/q_friend.htm

http://www.guidetops...ransference.htm

https://www.mentalhe...s/transference/

http://www.myshrink....ory.php?t_id=18

Take care!

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Thank you everyone for your reply! It's been 5 days but I start feeling better!

The problem is that I get attached to people many times. For example: When I'm in a public place or a public travelling(bus,train,etc..) and I get to meet new persons who seems very kind and I get along with them, I always feel that I wish we could meet more, but the person might live 3 towns away. . Or maybie they live in my town, but they are too busy. It feels kinda bad, but after 2 days this feeling is just gone.

I think its the same with my former therapist, but it will take longer to "recover" because we spent a lot more time together, talking about very personal things.

After a few months I'll be fine I guess. :)

Thank you everyone!

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  • 2 weeks later...

similar has happened to me. I don;t think I'm in love but I'm a crushed with sadness missing my therapist. I did about 7 sessions only with her. that is the number allowed through the health service here in Ireland.

When we finished up I realised how I felt and I let her know how sad I was and that I had grown to really like her. She replied and said it was okay.....I would have thought having told her I was so upset and filling out forms to suggest that I was worse off than before I started that I would be given a few more sessions to help.

I met her manager and put simply it doesnt matter how I feel I cannot see her again.

I even asked him to tell her that I hope I didnt upset her and he refused.

I sent him an email saying I was unhappy with how this had gone and that I had been left in a mess. That was Monday and I have heard nothing. He is ringing me on Monday but for what use I'm wondering?

is it normal to have such a harsh cutting of ties with a councillor...and seeing as I explained how sad I was, is hearing nothing back re further help normal?

thanks

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I'm not sure how health care works in Ireland...do I understand correctly that you were only covered for 7 sessions with your therapist but you would like more? Did you discuss this specifically with her? Do you feel you were cut off due to insurance coverage or for other reasons?

I go through the public service. it is a free short term service. but unfortunately I am finding it hard and miss the therapist. I asked could I see her privately and she said she can't. I am meant to be getting a call tomorrow from her manager but I don;t think I'll be given a chance to see her again.

I sent her texts about how I felt. do you think he would read those to get a better idea of my problem?

I have still heard nothing from an email I sent him last Monday. :mellow:

thank you for the reply

also. we have mutual friends. I'm really curious to find out about her, I'm completely torn as what to do. It's such a weird situation to be in. I think also due to this that any chance I have of talking again to her will be gone because of this.

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