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How do I come clean to my therapist.

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I have been seeing a eating disorder therapist for 2 years now. Things are really getting intense. The problem is I am so ashamed of myself and my real problem I lied to her about it over a year ago and now I see I really need to tell her the truth so she can help me work this out. It is a birth defect so I just need to deal with it, It is not fixable and its caused me to get fat because fat makes me feel safe. I just don't know how or even if I have the balls to come clean to her. It is time sensitive. My dysfunctional behavior led me to a life of overeating to deal with the emotions and now I am due to have weight loss bypass surgery within 2 months and I can no longer eat to cope. I am under huge pressure now to get this sorted out. How can I tell her a pretty i portant part of my story is the total opposite of what She was led to believe?

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Hi, Gord, welcome! :)

I think I can imagine how you feel. I had a similar problem in my therapy. After many months, my therapist didn't know some "hugely important secrets" about me and I struggled a lot with the decision to tell him and HOW to tell him. But it in the end, it was great! I mean... it was very, very difficult to do, but the consequences of the fact that I told him were very beneficial. As far as I know, this isn't anything special; many people have this kind of problem in therapy and they struggle with fears about "what the therapist will think?!", "how could I be trusted after hiding such an important info?!", ... But if the therapist is a competent and good, kind professional, (s)he'll get it right: It's very hard for may of us to tell anybody (even a therapist) about something so very, very intimate, painful, "shameful", ... and we need much time to become able to say it.

I tried to find the topic where I posted about my experience on this forum but I couldn't find it, I'm sorry. Here's at least something a bit similar (but it was some months after telling him "that" thing - this was different, although similarly difficult, but for another reason):


I hope you won't be "put off" by my awkward detailed descriptions of so many irrelevant things :o... I share it here because of the input from other forum members!

Good luck!! I'm sure it will be hard, but I also believe it's possible and you'll feel much better after telling her, at least in the long run.

P.S.: I wrote this before reading your up-dated post. For me, your 1st post didn't need any clarification. You don't have to explain to us what "the topic" is if what's relevant for you now is only the fact that you struggle with the idea of telling your therapist about it ;).

Edited by LaLa
corrected some typos
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Welcome to the community, Gord. This sounds like a difficult situation for you. It's good that you want to share with your therapist openly and truthfully. I agree that's the best way for her to help you to help yourself in this. Whenever I struggled to share with my therapist, I would often write my thoughts down on paper and he would read. Could this possibly help? You might also print out what you have written here and bring it to your session. I hope things go okay and you feel less pressure.

Take care.

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"P.S.": I also think it's probable that your therapist would be pleased by learning that "something hidden" has been hindering the progress of your therapy because it would explain the (relative?) lack of success which was probable frustrating without a known reason. Most importantly, when she knows about it, she can finally work with you to overcome the issues related to this secret and this can help you to make a faster and more profound progress.

I hope it all goes well, including your surgery...

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