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Submissive feelings to a larger penis


Joboo
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I'm not sure this should go here but here goes. At about 13 a guy in the neighborhood felt me up at a sleep over. I didn't stop him and enjoyed it immensely. I hadn't had any thoughts about guys, only girls. But the following day he called me and told me no one was at home at his house and did I want to come down. I became very nervous I recall but could not bring myself to say no, off I went and a summer of us jerking each other off began.

That was background for the issue coming. Once girls started responding in the same manner I stopped doing this with him, for the coming years he would make passive attempts but I would alway nicely explain why, girls were jerking me off and I was fingering them. When we graduated HS he and I ended up alone one night drinking beer, I felt he was going to make a move but I didn't care, I had just had a bad breakup with my GF and was feeling alone not to make excuses. When he did I let him and soon he was stroking me as I reclined in the front seat of his car. I started to feel guilty so I reached over to my skinny bookworm friend and he quickly had his pants at his ankles. My hand got there before my eyes but when it did I was surprised, his dick was so much bigger than mine. Longer and much thicker. My fingers barely touched around his shaft and I'm 6'4". There I am an all county athlete in two sports and his dick is so big I can't take my eyes off of it as I compliment him as I stroke him slowly. In seconds I was so turned on by it I didn't know what to think, I wanted it in my mouth. I was stroking him feeling as though he deserved to be sucked. I asked him about girls and if they said it was big and he told me he was a virgin. Never even a hand job except from me at 13, never been suck. I asked him again, " you have never been sucked?" To which he said no, never. I was fighting my instinct and losing. I just fell into his lap and sucked him like my life depended on it, and surprisingly enough I loved doing it. He was so thick I could only get about five inches in my mouth, later I found he was 7.5 x a bit over six around. My small 5.5 inches and 4.5 around looked tiny compared to his. Mine has thickened over the years but was very skinny when I was young. 

We ended up pleasuring each other for the next five years and no one knew, we were in a circle of 8 close friends. I guess my issue or question is why did I feel that way about his penis? If he would have asked me to share a gf I would have, even one I really cared about. I alway felt like girls I dated deserved to get to feel a bigger penis after that experience with him. At that age most of them didn't even know what big was, my senior year gf who lost her virginity to me told me mine was " so big" all the time. I feel bad for the previous boyfriend who she had jerked off.

Why did I feel that way about his penis, I wasn't attracted romantically and still have never been to another guy. Ends up he had no interest in girls and went his own way 5 years later. Anytime back then though, if the timing was good I could wait to suck him and see and feel him grow that extra half inch or so as he came. I enjoyed sucking him more then him sucking me. Years later my wife and I had another guy, well she had him but I was attracted to his penis once I saw it. It was bigger than my friends and if she had asks me I would have sucked him. She is not into gay.

Not long ago I hooked up with a guy on the Internet, I was really lucky, he was a doctor and very discrete. I just wanted to see if this was still an option. We did suck each other but he was small and it just didn't do it for me like it had. 

Has anyone ever had this type affliction? Is it large penis adoration or something?

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When i was single I met a guy and we started meeting up in person at his place. He was much larger than me and i did admire his size. He didn't seem to mind my small size either.

To this day, i feel like there was some form of admiration or submission aspect due to his large penis.

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Human beings survive by the intake and possession of quantities of things. In every facet of the senses we admire or respect valuable things that appear in a larger amount than the average. It's a basic instinct of perception, and it's the reason I don't really care to ever find a woman who likes small penises. Larger men will always have that innate aura over me, and my dislike of my inferior position in that biologically-ingrained social-spectrum is as innate as the aura that surrounds them.

My first inclination every time I remember this is to inflict violence on them and cut off their cocks to make us "even"; obviously I don't, don't advocate, and wouldn't want to actually do that because I was raised in a civilized society, but something primal in me does understand that the only way to truly not feel inferior to larger men would be to alter the physical reality from which sexual power exudes. But I can't do that so I just hate them and the women who like them. Surgeons will invent enlargement surgery before psychologists uproot these mechanisms of the male mind.

What I'm saying is yes, I do understand what you're feeling. But because I'm not attracted to cocks i interpret it more as jealousy and reluctant respect than submissiveness or attraction.

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On 5/7/2018 at 10:07 AM, Victimorthecrime said:

Hey CNL haven't seen you here in a long time.  Other than SPS how are things?? 

Comfortably mundane I guess. I stopped thinking about sex or women in general for awhile because I'm basically a hermit - I was almost convinced that I didn't really mind being alone, and that masturbation was enough. Then I went out with my family and the second I was surrounded by women in real life I just felt this roaring surge of pent up sexual frustration. I've gone through that cycle several times in my life so I don't know why I'm always surprised by it.

I'm almost too annoyed at it all to even actually want sex or intimacy; the fact that something so essential to myself will always be behind this wall of conversation and interaction that I just don't give a fuck about - I'm angry at sexuality the way I would be at a poorly designed website. Like why the fuck does it work this way? It'd be like if you couldn't eat or exercise or listen to music without having some other person there to violate your solitude, some other person with whom communication is like navigating some kind of mind field and if you step on one you'll feel awkward, isolated, and terrible for the next several months of your life. I wish I was gay so I could just lick myself, cum on a mirror, and be done with it. Or sex robots I guess.

The other aspects of my life are fine but it's all dwarfed and has been for years by an urge to do something that takes 20 minutes. I wish I could just swat it away.

...I guess I had more to say than I realized, so thanks for asking. How have things been with you?

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19 hours ago, CNL said:

I'm basically a hermit

Yeah I hear ya there.  If it wasn't for my job I would hardly see anyone.  Trying to change that but it is an uphill battle.  I have all but completely given up on the idea of ever dating . I mean it's possible but just not where my thinking is.  I'm 55 and am consumed w staying employed, healthy, saving money and dealing w this house.  It's not as depressing as it sounds lol somehow I just keep going and even remain hopeful.  

I would just occasionally go to prostitutes if I were you CNL.  Just a thought.  Hope things get better for you and that you find happiness.  

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On ‎5‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 9:44 AM, Joboo said:

I'm not sure this should go here but here goes. At about 13 a guy in the neighborhood felt me up at a sleep over. I didn't stop him and enjoyed it immensely. I hadn't had any thoughts about guys, only girls. But the following day he called me and told me no one was at home at his house and did I want to come down. I became very nervous I recall but could not bring myself to say no, off I went and a summer of us jerking each other off began.

That was background for the issue coming. Once girls started responding in the same manner I stopped doing this with him, for the coming years he would make passive attempts but I would alway nicely explain why, girls were jerking me off and I was fingering them. When we graduated HS he and I ended up alone one night drinking beer, I felt he was going to make a move but I didn't care, I had just had a bad breakup with my GF and was feeling alone not to make excuses. When he did I let him and soon he was stroking me as I reclined in the front seat of his car. I started to feel guilty so I reached over to my skinny bookworm friend and he quickly had his pants at his ankles. My hand got there before my eyes but when it did I was surprised, his dick was so much bigger than mine. Longer and much thicker. My fingers barely touched around his shaft and I'm 6'4". There I am an all county athlete in two sports and his dick is so big I can't take my eyes off of it as I compliment him as I stroke him slowly. In seconds I was so turned on by it I didn't know what to think, I wanted it in my mouth. I was stroking him feeling as though he deserved to be sucked. I asked him about girls and if they said it was big and he told me he was a virgin. Never even a hand job except from me at 13, never been suck. I asked him again, " you have never been sucked?" To which he said no, never. I was fighting my instinct and losing. I just fell into his lap and sucked him like my life depended on it, and surprisingly enough I loved doing it. He was so thick I could only get about five inches in my mouth, later I found he was 7.5 x a bit over six around. My small 5.5 inches and 4.5 around looked tiny compared to his. Mine has thickened over the years but was very skinny when I was young. 

We ended up pleasuring each other for the next five years and no one knew, we were in a circle of 8 close friends. I guess my issue or question is why did I feel that way about his penis? If he would have asked me to share a gf I would have, even one I really cared about. I alway felt like girls I dated deserved to get to feel a bigger penis after that experience with him. At that age most of them didn't even know what big was, my senior year gf who lost her virginity to me told me mine was " so big" all the time. I feel bad for the previous boyfriend who she had jerked off.

Why did I feel that way about his penis, I wasn't attracted romantically and still have never been to another guy. Ends up he had no interest in girls and went his own way 5 years later. Anytime back then though, if the timing was good I could wait to suck him and see and feel him grow that extra half inch or so as he came. I enjoyed sucking him more then him sucking me. Years later my wife and I had another guy, well she had him but I was attracted to his penis once I saw it. It was bigger than my friends and if she had asks me I would have sucked him. She is not into gay.

Not long ago I hooked up with a guy on the Internet, I was really lucky, he was a doctor and very discrete. I just wanted to see if this was still an option. We did suck each other but he was small and it just didn't do it for me like it had. 

Has anyone ever had this type affliction? Is it large penis adoration or something?

Yes, I am sure this is common.

My story is very different, but has the common denominator of "Submissive Feelings Toward a Larger Penis", but no romantic feelings toward men.  I have been married twice and was quite sexually active with women before, after and outside of marriage.  I did my best to deny my "small penis" status relying on "I'm a grower, not shower" and "Size Doesn't Matter", etc.  However, I was small, under 4.5 long though probably average in thickness.  Sex never seemed right to me either because in the back of my mind I though I was too small or really was too small.  Quite possibly I was too defensive and failed to communicate.  I am pretty sure female orgasms in response to my penetration was rare or non-existent.  I was more successful with oral.

However, with this negativity in the back of my mind, way late in my 50s I decided to see if I was gay by purposely experimenting through Craig's list.  I found an Asian guy that wanted to be dominant with a bigger Western guy.  He was very petite overall but had about 6.5" with remarkably big balls.  We had agreed oral only.  I loved sucking his cock and tonguing his balls.  I was thrilled with how aggressive and assertive he was, making me perform exactly how he wanted.  He delighted in humiliating me as a "cocksucker", etc, which I readily accepted.  He was very virile which impressed me greatly.  He would get a little abusive at times which I also accepted  He would cum at least 3 times in each session.  Oddly, I never got and erection during any of this.  I finally stopped meeting him as I was uncomfortable not getting aroused myself and not having a personal relationship.  From pictures in his apartment I saw that he had more normal gay friends and relationships.   I have probably already written too much for a public forum.

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On ‎5‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 8:44 PM, Victimorthecrime said:

I would just occasionally go to prostitutes if I were you CNL.  Just a thought.  

Availing oneself of prostitutes can be very habit forming, as bad as gambling or drug for putting you in the poorhouse.  Ok, but you have to control it or it will destroy you.  Guess how I know?  I went through a period with that habit.  Barely recovered.

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  • 10 months later...
On 5/12/2018 at 10:31 AM, lbaker said:

However, with this negativity in the back of my mind, way late in my 50s I decided to see if I was gay by purposely experimenting through Craig's list.  I found an Asian guy that wanted to be dominant with a bigger Western guy.  He was very petite overall but had about 6.5" with remarkably big balls.  We had agreed oral only.  I loved sucking his cock and tonguing his balls.  I was thrilled with how aggressive and assertive he was, making me perform exactly how he wanted.  He delighted in humiliating me as a "cocksucker", etc, which I readily accepted.  He was very virile which impressed me greatly.  He would get a little abusive at times which I also accepted  He would cum at least 3 times in each session.  Oddly, I never got and erection during any of this.  I finally stopped meeting him as I was uncomfortable not getting aroused myself and not having a personal relationship.  From pictures in his apartment I saw that he had more normal gay friends and relationships.   I have probably already written too much for a public forum.

My marriage ended because of this type of behavior.  I was very disgusted and never wanted to see him again.  I tried to sympathize but couldn't.

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On 5/2/2018 at 9:44 AM, Joboo said:

Years later my wife and I had another guy, well she had him but I was attracted to his penis once I saw it. It was bigger than my friends and if she had asks me I would have sucked him. She is not into gay.......

Has anyone ever had this type affliction? Is it large penis adoration or something?

Wow, you liked big so much you were happy for you wife to get a shot at one?  And she was hot for the opportunity?  And you wanted it too?

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On 5/3/2018 at 6:20 AM, LostBoy said:

When i was single I met a guy and we started meeting up in person at his place. He was much larger than me and i did admire his size. He didn't seem to mind my small size either.

To this day, i feel like there was some form of admiration or submission aspect due to his large penis.

Uh, were you meeting up for penis play?

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On 5/2/2018 at 9:44 AM, Joboo said:

I just fell into his lap and sucked him like my life depended on it, and surprisingly enough I loved doing it. He was so thick I could only get about five inches in my mouth, later I found he was 7.5 x a bit over six around. My small 5.5 inches and 4.5 around looked tiny compared to his. Mine has thickened over the years but was very skinny when I was young. 

We ended up pleasuring each other for the next five years and no one knew, we were in a circle of 8 close friends. I guess my issue or question is why did I feel that way about his penis? If he would have asked me to share a gf I would have, even one I really cared about. I always felt like girls I dated deserved to get to feel a bigger penis after that experience with him. At that age most of them didn't even know what big was, my senior year gf who lost her virginity to me told me mine was " so big" all the time. I

All my inferiority feelings were confirmed when I finally had oral sex with the dominant Asian guy.  I was totally under the power of his big thick cock.  The contrast with girls effortlessly engulfing my little erection was stunning.  Yes, I felt afterwards that my wives and every woman I'd ever had sex with, just like the poster above, deserved to experience a bigger one just like I had just done.  He enjoyed making me gag, chastising me until I learned to serve him.  He enjoyed dominating me and I was thrilled. 

I lost interest in sex with my wife almost completely.  I couldn't fathom why she wanted to have sex with me because she had experience large ones in her past.  Anyway, sex with women humiliated me because of their mild reaction.

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OMG you sound like my husband, but I know you aren't from reading your slew of posts.

You have allowed yourself to go too far down into a bad place.  No doubt, your wife, like me, would be totally disgusted if she knew.

I could better understand adopting the gay lifestyle, having gay affairs.  Somehow, you have to dig your way out of this hole.  At least I can sympathize with you.  My husband is too close.

Most women judge the man.  His penis is a side issue.  

 

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  • 3 months later...
On 5/3/2018 at 6:20 PM, LostBoy said:

When i was single I met a guy and we started meeting up in person at his place. He was much larger than me and i did admire his size. He didn't seem to mind my small size either.

To this day, i feel like there was some form of admiration or submission aspect due to his large penis

I have encountered such person once. 

At that time I was mtf cross-dresser and he is bisexual. He works out at gym regularly, muscular with 6-pack abs. He's about 5'-10" and I was only 5'-3" small built. His penis around 6" and mine is about 3". And he doesn't mind about my size, after all, I m always bottom anyway and yeah I felt very submissive to him. Although our relationship lasted only 3 months, he is my best fwb, roomate and fuck-buddy ever. All others I felt gross and yacky! 

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I think I like big cocks because playing with them or getting fucked by them is like some proxy possession. They are there and having fun so I feel no judgement at that moment, a sense of equality and normality. Alas it does not last and some people have said to my face afterwards that they only like guys with big ones. I find it confusing why a hung top cares how hung the bottom is but maybe it all comes from the same place. Something within most of us somehow causes this inequality and and perpetuates the feelings of inadequacy even as we actively reinforce the culture by own own behaviour. It's strange, a bit like capitalism I guess. 

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