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It hurts too much


goose
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It hurts too much to care.

If I didn't care so much I wouldn't have all these emotions racing through me. I would be better off to go back to the way I was and try and detach myself from everybody.

I can't discuss a major concern I have with anybody. The only people who know is my therapist and my daughter. It is unfair to involve my daughter so I have decided not to discuss it with her anymore. Ok I can discuss it in therapy and his advice is to leave the problem with the person concerned. Thats fine in theory, but you can't stop caring about someone - or can you?

I haven't slept for the past 3 weeks. I can't understand the fact that this depressive episode has lasted over 3 years and in the past other episodes have run their course and I have had happy and content times in between.

When I look to the future I just see more of the same. I know I will never kill myself because I would not do that to my children, but I have started abusing valium again, this is not good.

I am working really hard at the cbt, doing absolutely everything that the therapist asks me to do and more, but at the back of it all there is still this sadness. I am not due to see the p-doc until Jan but I don't think upping the meds is the solution - I don't know what is.

Goose

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Guest GingerSnap

Goose: I am really sorry you are feeling this way and yes, caring can hurt but not caring isn't healthy either. I hope you get a resolution soon and know that I read this and wish I could give you a warm hug and make it all better.:) Cathy

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Goose,

Is it an option to discuss your "major concern" with us?

In my experience, it is possible to continue to care about a person, but still realize that they have to make their own mistakes, that in fact, there may be nothing someone else can do, no matter how much they want to.

The point, I guess, is that you don't stop caring, but you forgive yourself for not being able to prevent what happens to other people.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, right now. But I do believe that it won't last forever, even if you don't.

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Hey goose,

Sorry things are so harsh for you right now. I hope that soon your pain will ease and your depression fades. Not really sure if you can stop caring for someone, but if you care then you care. For me when I care about someone , I cant just turn those feelings on or off at will, I care and thats just it.

Not sleeping for 3 weeks, probably not helping with your depression. I dont do the sleep thingy, get way too many bad dreams. So I fight it for all its worth. Hope you can at least rest, and get the occasional nap.

Sorry Im not any help goose, but I do hope you feel a little better soon, and that in time things are a lot easier for you.

Take care hun

sue

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You are always a help Jj. !

I suppose I am being selfish, looking for a way of reducing my emotional pain.

If I didn't care then I would not feel this.

Yes I do nap. When I get home from work I feel so sick with the tiredness so I lie down for an hour. Generally if I get my sleep I feel like I can take on the world.

I don't believe that I am able to cope although when presented with a crisis I always rise to the challenge.

Sorry I'm rambling here.........

Goose

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Hey goose,

Its not selfish to want to ease the emotional pain, it hurts, just like any other kind of pain, sometimes more so. If you cut yourself you grab a Band-Aid or plaster and generally it mends and you feel better. Emotional pain, just aint that simple, and it takes time, patience and persiverance for things to heal. And the solutions arent easy to find.

I feal like I cant cope quite often (you may have noticed), but you know somehow I always seem to make it to the next day (at times it a close call though) . We all feel this way from time to time but somehow we plough our way through it, with help from our friends, or occasionally just by ourselfs.

We are all here for you hun

Hang in there goose

take care

sue

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Hi existindeath.

You read me very well!

I had my therapy session this morning and ended up in floods of tears - not usual for me.

I think I have hit 'The Wall' and in order to progress further I have to take a giant leap of faith. I am trying to change a lifetime of bad habits, irrational thinkings and plain weirdness.

Goose

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Hi Goose,

I hope that today has you feeling a bit better. Those therapy sessions can knock you for a loop though. I hope that you are able to work through the particulars that have you so down right now. I know that you are a great source of support to many people on here and I hope that you feel that same support in return.

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Hi goose,

you have a lot to deal with all at once . Do not be so hard on yourself . It will take time , the depression it so painful , it is difficult to fight and get through it in one piece. Keep trying to talk about it . I hope you feel better . Take care of yourself,

mscat.

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