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Mid Life Crisis


Guest GingerSnap
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Guest GingerSnap

I have noticed that people in their 50's often seem to be encountering the dreaded "Mid Life Crisis"! It is expected for women but from what I have been seeing, the results for men, probably having to do with no attention really paid to them in this venue, seem more devastating. So much is blamed on menopause, which to me is nothing but silly - been there, done that, just a bump in the road for me. To me, it is the same for men and women as in reflecting on their life, where they are, where they have been, where they want to go and just taking a look at reasonably how many years they may have ahead. I was surprised when looking at sexual health that it seemed that men and woman lost interest at the same rate and that any little problem, became a big problem as time goes on. After the kids are gone, suddenly, you have a lot of time to get to know the person you married for better or worse. Yes, but they didn't exactly go into detail on how much "worse" it could get and that "better" was something you would have to really work your tail off for.:) I am hoping to see much more come from both sides of medicine - mind and body for the aging, especially the men who really need to understand that "the change" is what happens to everyone as they age, not just women. I have too much time to think now that I don't have yard work to do, obviously. Cathy

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Cathy,

I agree. Midlife crisis is something that afflicts both men and women. Of course, women go through the menopause phase with its major hormonal adjustments. But, the also face the "empty nest" of children off to college or work, careers, army, etc.

Men go through it as well. The empty nest affects them, as well. In addition, they also go through hormonal changes, but, more slowly and more gradually than their wives. The slow drop in testosterone sometimes sets off a panic that can express itself, for some men, in the form of, "Wow, this is my last chance to have as many women as possible and to sow more wild oats." Yes, this can wreck a marriage.

By the way, women can react that way, as well, and go on sexual adventures with young men.

Yet, in my personal experience, midlife and older has brought peace. Peace in terms of feeling secure in my career, peace in terms of a greater sense of inner confidence and security, peace in terms of feeling wiser and slower to react to things emotionally and peace in terms of being better able to hear the birds, enjoy the wild life in the park, etc.

What do you and others think?

Allan:)

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Guest GingerSnap

In reality, you really do see the mental and physical health tied together more at this point. My health tips are to keep moving and eat healthy. I walk and in bad weather, I do "Keeping Fit In Your 50's" aerobics with Cindy Joseph and Robyn Stuhr (actually older ladies). I tried the others and it made my son with DS laugh so hard seeing trying to keep up and then I laughed to which, well, anyway, this is really a good one. Also, I eat a cup of dry old fashioned oats put in one cup of boiling water with about a tablespoon of dates/raisins/dried fruit to sweeten it - oatmeal will help with dryness from head to toe and have told a couple others and they were already doing this. You can look it up on the internet "foods with natural hormones" and these do make a difference in how you feel. Works for men too! On the mental health front, I realized a while back with my son with DS that what was missing from his life was "meaning" - doing something, producing something to make himself proud. I started doing crafts with him and he makes blankets from a plastic knitting loom from Wal-M and everyone raves about them and I also ride the case of the day center constantly to make sure he is busy there. Any little things you can accomplish make a difference - too many jobs today leave you with a paycheck and a lot of frustration which makes outside activities/hobbies etc. so important. Don't think I will probably chase any men though - don't run fast enough to catch a younger one and already have an older one.:) With the fastest growing age group in our area being over 80 years old, well, thank goodness when I have to buy hardware at the store, I can still run faster than they can:D, I realize there isn't a lot of places to look for potential partners but really, the hardware department, I'm redoing a house and really need that stuff, not looking for a date, thank you!:eek: And, "humor" and being able to laugh at yourself and your situation, "priceless". - I know a lady I visit who is going to be 82 and she said "How do you know I am OK if you don't stop to visit?" and I said "I look to see if you have fed the cats". and added "Or see, if those birds are circling the house." Her eyes got big and she said "Buzzards! Shame on you!" and laughed - a very kind and generous woman, God will have a special place for her in heaven.:)

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Everyone,

I am a 67 year old man and I have to remind myself because I do not "feel" aged 67.

Actually, how is someone 67 supposed to feel? I just had a talk with a female friend who is turning 40 in a few days. She said she feels "old," and then, looking at me, she apologized. I just smiled broadly and talked about numbers.

Most of this stuff is psychological. It isn't the number that matters but health and vitality. I am fortunate to be healthy and fortunate to feel vital and energetic.

My opinion, why do we think so much about birthdays and age and middle and old age???

Answer: In my opinion, we are dealing with the fear of death because everyone knows that its inevitable...sooner or later.

What do you think?

Allan

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Hi Everyone,

I am a 67 year old man and I have to remind myself because I do not "feel" aged 67.

Actually, how is someone 67 supposed to feel? I just had a talk with a female friend who is turning 40 in a few days. She said she feels "old," and then, looking at me, she apologized. I just smiled broadly and talked about numbers.

Most of this stuff is psychological. It isn't the number that matters but health and vitality. I am fortunate to be healthy and fortunate to feel vital and energetic.

My opinion, why do we think so much about birthdays and age and middle and old age???

Answer: In my opinion, we are dealing with the fear of death because everyone knows that its inevitable...sooner or later.

What do you think?

Allan

I could not have said it better! im 22 and i feel old lol..but i am always thinking about death. Iam scared to get in cars or do thing sometimes bc im so scared that ill die..hey im going to post a new blog about this i dont want to highjack you.....:D

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I dont think it always has to be about a fear of death, i certainly dont fear it, im actually looking forward to the experience just to know how it feels :D

in my case i would rather the numbers go way way down and be a child with a childs body, because i dont like been an adult, it's not a role that suits me or that im comfortable with so each year as the number goes slowly up it drills it home more and more that i am supposed to be a grown up ..and thats what frightens me, the higher the number gets the harder and harder it is trying to avoid the truth...ok perhaps thats a bit odd to some people lol,though it's not unique ive heard of others who feel the same.

Edited by Donna
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Guest GingerSnap

I don't fear death at all or getting older. I have known so many happy and vital people in their 80's and they talk and joke about death. It used to be in the olden days that people were not so concerned about getting older or dying as there was a sort of peacefulness about it. I have through my life used the characteristics that I have saw and like in other people to model my life toward and it has served me well - my biggest no-no and fear about getting older would be ending up an old lady with a bunch of cats - a real problem where I live! My older son was watching the news with us years ago and there was a news story about an old woman who had died and had over 100 dogs and they couldn't find the body, well - dogs get hungry too - and my son said "Mommy, that's going to be you." - I have only one dog at 55 years old and I am keeping a cap on it! When you are younger you hear older people say that they wouldn't want to be young again and I never believed them - I now understand and I would not want to be young again either.

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How we spend our time is how we spend our lives, I was told as a kid-- a sobering insight when you're only 10 or 12!

I know few people who have a peaceful relationship with time.

In my culture we have spiritual mentors or elders, and the responsibility of those reaching their 70's-80's is to be wisdom keepers and to teach others, the younger ones, the ways of our “people”. Because we have a huge responsibility to maintain these ways, midlife is not viewed as a crisis, but as a transformation and a process. We are charged with accomplishing 8-10 life goals to become such an elder (which is an honor). Some are very personal, such as mindfulness (present moment awareness) and learning how to treat each other (for the 1st time for many), as an I to a thou (to use Martin Buber’s terms, which mean to learn to accept and value others unconditionally); whereas, other goals are much more "other" oriented- such as feeling called to be of service to the world no matter in what area or field.

The very English vocabulary, makes mid-life a crisis time for many. For example, in American English we ask: “How old are you?” In Spanish we ask, “Cuantos anos tienes” or “How many years do you have?” Linguistically, it’s as if English speakers are programmed, w/o fully knowing, to view age, aging and death in a negative light, so various crisis emerge as we move thru our stages of living.

Many of us view life as linear, we are born, various stages are occur and we die. I grew up viewing life as circular, I’m in the September of my life, as is Ginger. Allan, you’re in the November of your life, so you’re in the harvesting stage. Donna, you're likely in the May of your life and IrmaJean, you would likely be in the August of yours. Lacy, at 22, you’re in the February-March of your life, planting your seeds, and the seeds you plant today you will cultivate within the May through September period of your life-- and eventually, they become the harvest of your life in 40-50 years. It's all a circle until we reach the twilight of our life (sorry for the switch in metaphors). At this stage, our body dies, however, "our body is only the sheath for our soul.”

I don’t recall a mid-life crisis, I do remember after a conversation with my great aunt Esther, at age 38, feeling the invitation to elder-hood, and thus began my journey not towards perfection, but towards refinement. I will likely never become one as I am here and they are there, in a world I can never return to now.

But always, it’s a circle and never simply an end: it’s always been a transformation and never a crisis.

David

Edited by David O
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Thats a beautiful way of looking at things. And kinda makes sense.

For some reason the Brits are well known for not being very optimistic, but I kinda like the sound of haviing a mid life crisis. Ive heard about them so long now, that somehow it just wouldnt seem right not to have one now Ive reached that time ;)

oooohhh, hang on maybe Im in mine now :eek:

Im actually looking forward to some calmer years ahead, loving and teaching my children as they grow. Its going to be fun. hard work granted, but diffenately fun. then when Im in my 60's (like not before) Im gonna be a granmama and the joys of teaching and loving my family, will see me well into my december years. :D

Life is full of wonder and surprises, and well Im looking forward, to watching my family achieve and progress over the years

And when Im old, grey and wrinkly, I can look back with pride of my whole family and tell them of the Fairy Tale I once had for us, and how against a lot of odds we achieved our happy ever after :)

Edited by SweetSue
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Sue,

There is a part of me that has the deepest and most profound respect and admiration for you. Your life situation is unbelievably painful and difficult, unlike what many of us will ever experience, and yet you provide some of the most positive, uplifting, encouraging, supportive and cheerful advice and thinking.

I see you as such an addition to the "family"-- thanks so much for this quality within you.

David

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hi Mark, Cathy, David and well all of you really

Mark, you may never have your own children, but your still a papa, and a godgramps to many of us here, Fairy Tales always live on in all our hearts to some degree, thats why we share them with our friends and family. :)

Cathy, thankyou ;)

David, right back at ya !!! :)

And for everybody, not everyone has my beliefs in Fairy Tales, (ok, like no one over the age of about 8). The thing is well where do you think Fairy Tales come from ???

I believe that they are just stories of peoples lifes, exagerated (just a little) parts made up for entertainment value, and then the secret ingrediant the writers imagination, but essentially in all the stories both modern and old alike, the charachters are based on everyday people and there life. I think that there is in all fables a degree of truth.

I also believe, that everybody is living there Fairy Tale, we are just all on different chapters in our story. But essentially, there is a happy ending for everyone, part of the fun in life is the search for it. :D

(ok Im gonna shut up now, kinda making it obvious why Im still in hospital, and you guys are out there in the real world ~ Im not really totally doo lally (yet) honest)

Edited by SweetSue
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  • 3 years later...

I'm really Enjoying it quite well I'm 51 Never had no kids Living Single. I do have a lot of mental and health problems But as I look around at my life Now how it is It's a whole lot better than where I used to be.Homeless,And all the illegal drugsThat I used to do back then. I just simply grew up. Got on my feet So I don't really consider this a midlife crisis To me anyway. This is just a little Vacation Until I start Walking up The next 50 steps/years In my life.

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