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WTF is wrong with me I thinkim sick or something


lacyjay87
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(:confused:I was raped and sexualy assulted and abused alot by people i never met before and by ex boyfriends. So why when i think about being forced to have sex does that turn me on and why when I see movies about it i get all in to the movie. When i hear about it happening in real life to people it makes me sick..when i used to watch pron i would search for stuff where the girls acted like that did not want it..and i liked that...what the hell is my sick problem:confused::mad:

I think this may go back to negative associations you may have attached to sex and what is intended to mean and express. Just speculation on my part...

Lacy, I get the sense that you are searching for answers to a lot of questions. It must all be so overwhelming to you at this time. I agree with David about taking things a little at a time, starting with the most pressing issue. It's hard work, but hopefully the answers you are seeking will come in time. You could start by being gentle with yourself and treating yourself kindly. What do you think?

Edited by IrmaJean
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I think this may go back to negative associations you may have attached to sex and what is intended to mean and express. Just speculation on my part...

Lacy, I get the sense that you are searching for answers to a lot of questions. It must all be so overwhelming to you at this time. I agree with David about taking things a little at a time, starting with the most pressing issue. It's hard work, but hopefully the answers you are seeking will come in time. You could start by being gentle with yourself and treating yourself kindly. What do you think?

I think I am searching for a lot of answers I never really new just how much I had on my mind until I found this site..I feel like I can tell you all anything and you won’t just automatically judge me but you will help me search for answers..Or just give advice and/or words of encouragement. I think I should stop beating myself up, but I’m embarrassed about this.

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Lacy,

I don't know, obviously. But it feels to me as if your past trauma still has something to say to you. If you try not to listen, it's just going to try harder. That's not a bad thing, I think it's part of the healing. I wouldn't worry, at the moment, about how it's trying to tell you. Those things may well pass once the message has been delivered. But you might need some help from a therapist to process what it has to say. Would you consider going to talk to a professional?

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Hi Lacy,

2 days ago I posted a possible way in which we can approach this and maybe better be able to help you. I'm reposting in order to see if we can focus in as a way to better manage your situations:

Since your first post, I've notice that there are so many issues surrounding you: from the numerous phobias you listed... to the sexual issues with your husband... to your erotic attraction to females... to your belief that you might have Depression/Dysthymia... to your current post. This must all be very overwhelming and even confusing for you.

Given all of this, I'm wondering if you could give us an idea of what you feel are your main concerns by listing them out. Write the top 10 issues down, using as few words as possible for each one (<7 apiece). Once you've written them down, go down your list and pick out ones that truly are manageable and controllable on your end. Once you've done this, rank order each one, starting with the most pressing or distressing ones first, and the 2nd most distressing and difficult, then the third, and so on. This gives you and us a picture of what you're facing. Once you've ranked them in order of importance, go back and on a scale of 1-10 (10 being extremely stressful and difficult) rate each one. Once you've done this, we know what your most important issues are and how critical each one is. For example:

Most important -------------------------- How critical on 1-10 scale

Sexual issues with husband---------------------------- 8

Phobias-----------------------------------------------------6

Possible erotic interest in females--------------------- 7

History of sexual abuse----------------------------------9.

etc.

etc

Once you've done this, we can begin looking at possible links between the issues, and it's possible that a few recommendations may address the lion's share of your concerns in a way that makes life manageable (well, at least manageable enough so that you’re not all over the map).

Good luck and please write back,

David

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Hi lacyJay,

Dont know if you remember the thread from the other day (I cant remember it right now, my heads a tad spaced) but I was just wondering if you have managed to get to see or make an appointment with your doctor yet ?

Anyway, I truely hope that you are feeling a little better today

take care

Jj

Edited by SweetSue
yea, like spelling as flipping usual
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Hi Lacy,

2 days ago I posted a possible way in which we can approach this and maybe better be able to help you. I'm reposting in order to see if we can focus in as a way to better manage your situations:

Since your first post, I've notice that there are so many issues surrounding you: from the numerous phobias you listed... to the sexual issues with your husband... to your erotic attraction to females... to your belief that you might have Depression/Dysthymia... to your current post. This must all be very overwhelming and even confusing for you.

Given all of this, I'm wondering if you could give us an idea of what you feel are your main concerns by listing them out. Write the top 10 issues down, using as few words as possible for each one (<7 apiece). Once you've written them down, go down your list and pick out ones that truly are manageable and controllable on your end. Once you've done this, rank order each one, starting with the most pressing or distressing ones first, and the 2nd most distressing and difficult, then the third, and so on. This gives you and us a picture of what you're facing. Once you've ranked them in order of importance, go back and on a scale of 1-10 (10 being extremely stressful and difficult) rate each one. Once you've done this, we know what your most important issues are and how critical each one is. For example:

Most important -------------------------- How critical on 1-10 scale

Sexual issues with husband---------------------------- 8

Phobias-----------------------------------------------------6

Possible erotic interest in females--------------------- 7

History of sexual abuse----------------------------------9.

etc.

etc

Once you've done this, we can begin looking at possible links between the issues, and it's possible that a few recommendations may address the lion's share of your concerns in a way that makes life manageable (well, at least manageable enough so that you’re not all over the map).

Good luck and please write back,

David

i did respond to this post but where it is now i have no idea......hmm ill do it again

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Hi lacyJay,

Dont know if you remember the thread from the other day (I cant remember it right now, my heads a tad spaced) but I was just wondering if you have managed to get to see or make an appointment with your doctor yet ?

Anyway, I truely hope that you are feeling a little better today

take care

Jj

I have not im always so busy...i have to run people here and there and all around..i never get any me time....wed i have to go to see my gp in the nursing home and eat a dinner with him im looking forward to that...then i have to go to a bday party...then to a friends house bc i promised her...dang me and my promises..i cant brake them...then i will come home thursday after i go shopping for grocerys...then when friday come sill just want to rest from all the running...then sat and sun the doc is not open..then sunday night i have to drive to london and take care of my gma all day sun and mon then tue is my only day with my hubby bc it is his off day so possible next wed i could get an appointment....im so busy all the time it makes me sick thta i have no time for me....every morning at 7 my friends calls for 3 min straight and wakes me up i had to run her all over today..and this is my hubbys day off today....i ge tno time for me or for him...DAMN she is calling now..and has been for the past 5 min..... Oh plz pray that ill be ok and that i will ge tthrough all this..thx for your concern and i do hope to get to a doc soon.

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Once you've done this, we can begin looking at possible links between the issues, and it's possible that a few recommendations may address the lion's share of your concerns in a way that makes life manageable (well, at least manageable enough so that you’re not all over the map).

Good luck and please write back,

David

I responded a few days ago to this messege but it appears to be missing from my post this is strange.

Depression---1

Sexual abuse issues---7

phobias---9

possible erotic intrest in females---10

loss of intreat in life---5

lonley in a room full of people---3

anxiety attacks---8

If others are not happy I feel I have to not be happy---6

wanting to leave my house and yet not feeling/being able to---4

sex issues with hubby---2

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Your other post is here, Lacy. :-) In case you want to check your answers.

Under Statistics, on your profile page, there's a Find All Posts By link that gets you ... well, what it says.

ok thx for telling me...how did it get here? did i put it there and forget?? hmm my mind is off a lil..thx for telling me but i changed my ansewrs...i do that often lol

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Hi Lacy,

First off... what is Mark accusing me of now?? Turn you back on him and, well.....:rolleyes:

Lacy, thanks so much for responding. Your response did appear on the other thread, but it seemed to be delayed or didn't show up for some strange reason (actually I did lose it as Mark suggested, but my ego couldn't handle the truth). But, we have it now so thanks. I want to be clear here since you rank ordered yours differently than my suggestion. Did you feel your Depression as a greater issue than your erotic interest in females or vice versa?

I do want to say that all of this combined would be overwhelming for anyone, this alone explains why it’s been so confusing and maddening all along.

One thing that jumped out me at was that your feelings of Depression seem to underlay many of the other things you describe. For example, does your depression worsen your feelings of being alone in a room full of people, and your loss of interest in life, your desire to both leave your home (i.e., escape, go into a cave, run away) and also stay, and your sexual issues with your husband. Interestingly, these all are symptoms of depression for most people. You’ve also talked about Depression and Dysthymia and at one time I think you mentioned them both in one post (I could be mistaken), which as someone said, is double depression--- a steady low point worsened by lower points and a return to the baseline low point. Another thought I had is that approximately 19.1 million American adults ages 18 to 54, or about 13.3% of people in this age group in any given year, have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders frequently co-occur with Major Depression or mood disorders, eating disorders, or substance abuse, and it’s very common for people with anxiety disorder to not only have depression, but also have more than one anxiety disorder at the same time (phobia’s, which you mentioned in a post).

Good treatment here is beyond the scope of the forum, but I do have some suggestions, especially since you’ve agreed to look at therapy and discuss it with your family. If you qualify, seek out services at a community mental health center (they are almost in every city with 4-5000 people) and see a psychiatrist (the cost will be on a sliding fee scale and can be as low as $10 per visit). My approach would be that you ask for an SSRI such as Lexapro, Prozac, Celexa, Luvox, or Paxil as a brief treatment, just long enough to get your emotions (phobias, depression, anxiety under control)- 3-6 months. Once you’ve been on the medication for around 3-5 weeks, begin seeing a therapist at the Center. Insist on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which will give you the skills to manage much of the anxiety and depressive symptoms. As you begin managing your symptoms thru modifying your self talk and beliefs, you can slowly wean yourself off of the SSRI (which will empower you along the way). The process will likely take 6-9 months if you work hard and have an excellent therapist.

As always, we will be here to support and encourage you. Can you tell us ASAP whether your family will support your seeing someone and when you’ve set up your 1st appointment? .

Good luck and please write back to tell us what your next step will be. I would actually suggest you invest your time in setting up the appointment, talking to your family and sorting this out before you proceed with posting much more of he forum. this will force you to focus on the primary issue-- getting real treatment as soon as possible. Please don't replace this-- getting help-- with talking to us.

David

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Hi Lacy,

First off... what is Mark accusing me of now?? Turn you back on him and, well.....:rolleyes:LOL

Lacy, thanks so much for responding. Your response did appear on the other thread, but it seemed to be delayed or didn't show up for some strange reason (actually I did lose it as Mark suggested, but my ego couldn't handle the truth);). But, we have it now so thanks. I want to be clear here since you rank ordered yours differently than my suggestion. Did you feel your Depression as a greateryes it is greater issue than your erotic interest in females or vice versa?

I do want to say that all of this combined would be overwhelming for anyone, this alone explains why it’s been so confusing and maddening all along.

One thing that jumped out me at was that your feelings of Depression seem to underlay many of the other things you describe. For example, does your depression worsen your feelings of being alone in a room full of people, and your loss of interest in life, your desire to both leave your home (i.e., escape, go into a cave, run away) and also stay, and your sexual issues with your husband.I think my depression causes thoes sympthoms Interestingly, these all are symptoms of depressionoh for most people. You’ve also talked about Depression and Dysthymia and at one time I think you mentioned them both in one post yes i did and i i think i also said it was called dubble depression to have them both i called it something i know..but dubble depression is the correct term b/c i do alot of reading(I could be mistaken), which as someone said, is double depression--- a steady low point worsened by lower points and a return to the baseline low point. Another thought I had is that approximately 19.1 million American adults ages 18 to 54, or about 13.3% of people in this age group in any given year, have an anxiety disorder. wowAnxiety disorders frequently co-occur with Major Depression or mood disorders, eating disordersspeaking of which i eat based on my emotions, or substance abuse, and it’s very common for people with anxiety disorder to not only have depression, but also have more than one anxiety disorder at the same time (phobia’s, which you mentioned in a post).

Good treatment here is beyond the scope of the forum, but I do have some suggestions, especially since you’ve agreed to look at therapy and discuss it with your family. If you qualify, seek out services at a community mental health center (they are almost in every city with 4-5000 people)hmmm something like pathways...thats what our town has and everyone make fun of thoes people...well not everyone but most people..i have a really high rep..and people will laugh me out of this town..this town is so small that everyone knows what you did with in 24hrs..maybe ill go to a diff town... and see a psychiatrist (the cost will be on a sliding fee scale and can be as low as $10 per visit).thats still high 70bucks a week and 280 amonth...but its beter than 70 bucks a visit My approach would be that you ask for an SSRI tried an SSRI and after i had my daughter and it made me want to kill myself so i stopped using it will they all have the same affectsuch as Lexapro, Prozac, Celexa, Luvox, or Paxil as a brief treatment, just long enough to get your emotions (phobias, depression, anxiety under control)- 3-6 months. Once you’ve been on the medication for around 3-5 weeks, begin seeing a therapist at the Center. Insist on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which will give you the skills to manage much of the anxiety and depressive symptoms. As you begin managing your symptoms thru modifying your self talk and beliefs, you can slowly wean yourself off of the SSRI (which will empower you along the way). The process will likely take 6-9 months if you work hard and have an excellent therapist.

As always, we will be here to support and encourage you. Can you tell us ASAP whether your family will support your seeing someone and when you’ve set up your 1st appointment? . My hubby said he would support me in anything and he read your post and said "honey if the man says see a doc then your gonna see a doc LOL he is so supportive i love him...if i have hiss upport then i think i might be able to do it

Good luck and please write back to tell us what your next step will be. Im going to call pathways tomorrow and see what thjat all about...I DONT WANT TO BE admited in to the hospital like some of them areI would actually suggest you invest your time in setting up the appointment, talking to your family and sorting this out before you proceed with posting much more of he forum. this will force you to focus on the primary issue-- getting real treatment as soon as possible. Please don't replace this-- getting help-- with talking to us. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

David

Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Lacy,

Again, I need some help here so I can understand. What are you calling Morgan outpatient about? Do you have a substance abuse problem? It appeas that is what they deal with.

If you want to find a psychotherapist to help you with depression what you could do is the following:

Go to http://www.psychologytoday.com

They have a list of psychologists and social workers who are listed by state. Look for your state and find one near you. Then, you would call them and tell them that you are depressed and are looking for psychotherapy.

If Moran Outpatient has psychotherapy for other things than substance abuse, then, fine. But, if all they do is substance abuse then they are the wrong place.

There may be some psychiatry or psychotherapy outpatient clinics near you.

You can do an Internet search for you area for that all though, they could be listed psychology today, as well.

So, what are you looking for? Can you clarify for me?

Allan :confused:

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lacy, may I ask why you keep deleting the content of your posts?

It makes it difficult for those of us who don't arrive immediately to the thread to follow it properly.

'tis of course your choice and I don't bedgrudge you that, I just wondered if there was a reason that could be talked through.

Edited by seaj
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lacy, may I ask why you keep deleting the content of your posts?

It makes it difficult for those of us who don't arrive immediately to the thread to follow it properly.

'tis of course your choice and I don't bedgrudge you that, I just wondered if there was a reason that could be talked through.

I did so bc everyone was getting mad at me b/c i was posting to much stuff and i guess me posting so much became hard to believe and people got up set so i took everything off..bc i dont like it when people are upset with me..im sorry i deleted it before you could read it...i hope you forgive me...

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Guest GingerSnap

LacyJay: No one was mad at you. I just think you got off on the wrong foot in posting so many issues all over the place and it was hard to find a post I had read because I couldn't remember which topic it was under. Had you posted everything in one post, or if it had been within a thread about yourself, I don't think this confusion would have happened. I don't think we ever get mad at anyone here, do we? Cathy

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