The Power Of Porn

[Guest GingerSnap]

OK, I'm older and have followed religious beliefs that kept me away from porn but I am seeing it being a very big problem. We aren't talking about just looking but in the looking that becomes an addiction of sorts. Seems like sometimes the internet is 1/2 porn sites and the other 1/2 sites to deal with porn addiction. So many sad stories of lives destroyed. People losing their jobs because they can't stop looking at it at work and a story I read where a man put his toddler in the bathtub upstairs and went down stairs just to take a peak at the porn he enjoyed only to look up eventually to see water coming down the stairs and the stories go on. Lives destroyed. I know that porn obsession has become a major problem with our troops overseas. My son is in Afghanistan and I know that the first time he was there that he became involved in viewing it and I am just hoping that it is for pleasure and not obsession. It appears to be like so many other things, some handle it and some don't. I would advise caution in viewing it but that probably wouldn't help because people developing an obsession about something rarely realize it until they are very embedded in the habit. So, what is happening? Where does the power of porn come from? I really hesitated to even put this in the sexuality topic because I am not even sure it is about sexuality. I don't know what it is about.:confused:

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Ginger,

Oh, the problem of Porn belongs in the sexuality forum and so I think you are quite correct to put it here.

Internet porn is highly addicting because it hits all of the five senses at the same time and in ways that the old magazines never could do. It is powerful in stirring the reward or pleasure center of the brain and that is how it becomes addicting. But, just like any addiction, it loses its power as the individual becomes accustomed to it. That is why the viewer needs to look at increasingly wierder forms of porn, even including child porn and homosexual porn for those who are not gay.

Yes, internet porn that portrays homosexuality is not just aimed at gay people but at heterosexual people who are in a quest for something that will turn them on when the older porn does not.

In my opinion, today's pornography is insidious and incredibly destructive. The problem is, how can it be stopped. This is something that is done in other nations, hidden away from control.

Allan

[Guest GingerSnap]

A. Swartz: I was stunned when I read your response. I am in a couple of discussion groups of partners to sexual addicts (my husband is not a porn addict) and several have mentioned that their partner is viewing same sex porn and they are so confused as most have been married for years and years and now, they need to know if they are dealing with both a porn addiction and the spouse being gay/lesbian. Both partners are actually confused as to what has happened. Well, I was thinking this evening that in reality, porn is a business and just like any other, they are willing to do what it takes to keep you coming back. I am thinking that they probably have various ways of luring the customer slowly and tracking likes and dislikes so that, well, they can be like Amazon - I mean just because I order one game on Spiderman, it does not mean that every time I go back I want a list of Spiderman and other games that are close and they get all that crap on the page when I sign in. I have shared this thread with some others that I thought would be interested in your response. What a world, what a world. We have filters on both of our computers because there are so many things I do not want to view by accident - we have hundreds of filters on our email. Thank you again. Cathy

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Ginger,

Yes, this porn business is extremely troubling and aggravating because, unlike the old magazines, it gives the illusion of being very real and that makes it highly rewarding for the human brain and, therefore, highly addicting.

Also, I am sure that your friends are not gay. The porn industry is making every effort to make gay sex (lesbian and male gay) appealing to heterosexuals because they want to sell more and more porn.

I would not say that the porn business is like other businesses because much of it is controlled by unscrupulous criminals who exploit children, woman, men and do not care about the damage they are causing.

Allan

[JaneE]

My first husband was an online porn addict. I caught him looking at it once and told him how it made me feel (inadequate, that he was thinking of these other women instead of me during sex with me, how it's a business that exploits and objectifies women etc). I thought he'd given it up but no such luck!! I was young and naive back then and he kept up this facade of being very respectful of women/me. Once I gave him a little boobie cup gag gift and he declined to accept it saying it was disrespectful of women! It's amazing what a double life he led when I think about it... He kind of just disappeared out of my life. He worked at home/on computers and had his own business so he must have been living this secret life for how many years? I thought he was working! Silly me. I eventually left for someone else, and boy was he mad!!! I gave him everything because I felt so bad for him, if I'd only known!

I don't understand why people are so obsessed with sex, anyway. Is an orgasm really *that* great??? I don't have any problem achieving them, but I don't live my life as if that's the most important thing. I guess for some people it is, which explains the industry.

[ttjack]

i like gay porn and consider myself to be straight.

[kaudio]

I don't have any input about porn addiction to add to the discussion, but in my experience friends who came from really conservative families were the ones to become really involved in porn. These people were aggressively and repeatedly told not to have any relations with the opposite sex, and were subjected to more restrictive computer and internet access limits at home. As a result, they found other ways to access porn, like friends, stores, etc. I do not wish to advocate for even more strict scrutiny against porn, but some consideration on the consequences of such scrutiny.

Hypothetically, people generally expect that kids will grow up to become adults, and that these adults will one day have a family. But, some families give with one hand and take with the other in the sense that they recognize this expectation, yet deprive their children of any and all opportunities to explore their sexuality. If one is deprived of the opportunity to interact with the opposite sex and to explore their sexuality, when the opportunity finally does arrive this person will be totally ill-equipped. The experience will be like a shock to the body and mind, and there will be a longer cool down time to sort out the experience. Such an experience is the same as someone who does not consume caffeine to suddenly drink an extra-large cup of coffee with three shots of espresso, the man will become very ill.

Human relations is an experiential process and to suggest that abstinence from porn equates to respect for women is a bit ridiculous. Respect for others develop because people need to get together, talk things out, work together on things, and explore their limits with each other. This is true for friends as it is for mates. Porn satisfies basic human needs on demand that real people cannot do all the time. But, the mere fact that someone enjoys porn should not be given such weight that leads one to infer that this person has no respect. Even if they do not have respect, they are still capable of learning respect. This ability to learn applies to adults as it does children.

The problem is that if people never think about the issue of sexuality, then the act of learning about it becomes difficult. TV often presents this crazy idea that parents need to open up this uncomfortable conversation about sex, but it doesn't even have to be a conversation. The kids will just take what you say as is anyway regardless of whatever snarky retort they can ever come up with. This is especially true if you start talking to them at an early age about everything. Refering back to the caffeine analogy, everyone is aware of porn as they are about Star Bucks, Bigby's, Second Cup, Java, and whatever have you. Whether people leave children with the tools to survive and prosper in the community without getting needlessly sick, confused, or stuck in an economic/financial rut through early pregnancy is another story.

I just wanted to touch on these issues that came up.

[brandi]

i love porn,a LOT,but am not addicted. if it disrupts your everyday functions,that's when you should worry about having a problem. i don't believe that when someone's spouse is always watching it they should feel it has something to do with them not being good enough. it's not so much the people they're seeing,as the acts themselves. if you've ever watched 70s porn then that's proof in itself sometimes the turn on has to do with feeling like you're doing something you're not supposed to,but alot of times the spouse would enjoy it more if the person they loved watched it with them. it actually even helps the sexual part of their relationship grow,because they can vocalize what they like or dislike..and just say "hey,i bet we can do THAT!"

but i was interested to read about how people burn out on it,and need to find something different. although i still enjoy regular porn,i'm always looking for that next level. i've always liked gay porn,too,so it seems that next level is a bit harder for me to find. i guess i never realized that's what was going on..

[hell2breakfast]

OK, I'm older and have followed religious beliefs that kept me away from porn but I am seeing it being a very big problem. We aren't talking about just looking but in the looking that becomes an addiction of sorts. Seems like sometimes the internet is 1/2 porn sites and the other 1/2 sites to deal with porn addiction. So many sad stories of lives destroyed. People losing their jobs because they can't stop looking at it at work and a story I read where a man put his toddler in the bathtub upstairs and went down stairs just to take a peak at the porn he enjoyed only to look up eventually to see water coming down the stairs and the stories go on. Lives destroyed. I know that porn obsession has become a major problem with our troops overseas. My son is in Afghanistan and I know that the first time he was there that he became involved in viewing it and I am just hoping that it is for pleasure and not obsession. It appears to be like so many other things, some handle it and some don't. I would advise caution in viewing it but that probably wouldn't help because people developing an obsession about something rarely realize it until they are very embedded in the habit. So, what is happening? Where does the power of porn come from? I really hesitated to even put this in the sexuality topic because I am not even sure it is about sexuality. I don't know what it is about.:confused:

Thank you for giving me a chance to put in my 2 pennies. IMO: Porn gets its power from an approving society. In much the same way a computer is programmed (trash in=trash out) Or a dog is trained to do unnatural things that eventually "feel" natural to the dog.

A good way to illustrate this is with the case, early in the last century, of an eight year-old girl in france who was raised from a young age chained naked to a potty chair in her parents basement. the father would come down once a day and feed her, etc.

When police discovered her she could neither walk nor talk (Chained in a sitting position for eight years with no one to talk to is not exactly the optimum conditions for learning these skills)

Needless to say she presented a challenge (and learning opportunity)to the worlds preimenent psychologists and they eventually taught her a rudimentary form of speech. The first words out of her mouth were WHEN CAN I SEE MY DADDY!!!!

This is a well documented case, one of only two in the world that I have heard of, sorry, I forgot her name, etc.

The priciple involved here is a negative reality will be PERCIEVED as positive in the absence of an alternative. thus, in a nation (and the west in general)

Where practically EVERYTHING is dysfuntional (sick, degenerate) people are forced to Percieve that as positive by default when in fact we are a dying society...Crime, drugs, divorce, homosexuality, child abuse, political correctness, racism, serial killers, etc etc etc....But hey! We're FREE!!!!

Sorry for the rant, but you asked, I answered.

[silentmist]

I use pornography nearly everyday. It supplements my fantasies and makes masturbation more enjoyable.

Pornography isn't a problem for me as I'm not willing to spend money on it and I understand that it's a fantasy. Many people can't seem to understand that. Some people seem to like pornography that presents itself as 'real life' which I think can easily become a problem for some.

[hell2breakfast]

I use pornography nearly everyday. It supplements my fantasies and makes masturbation more enjoyable.

Pornography isn't a problem for me as I'm not willing to spend money on it and I understand that it's a fantasy. Many people can't seem to understand that. Some people seem to like pornography that presents itself as 'real life' which I think can easily become a problem for some.

with respect, pornography is real, fantasies are not.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Helltobreakfast,

You wrote an intriguing comment:

pornography is real, fantasies are not.

What I find so fascinating about this comment is that you touch upon part of the entire problem of pornography. Of course, porno is not just fantasy because the people depicted are real, flesh and blood people. Some of them do the porno voluntarily for money and some of them are unwillingly exploited. In those ways, porno is very real.

However, at the very same time, porno is designed to be fantasy. It is designed to stimulate the sexual fantasies that people have and that they use to become sexually stimulated. A man or woman may look at the porno and get excited by the nature of the fantasy that the actors are acting out. Yet, they are not just acting because they are very real. In other words, porno seems to fall into the categories of real and fantasy.

What do you think?

Allan:)

[Guest GingerSnap]

Pornography is real in that it is in the flesh and happening. I was wondering just recently how many people that feel they have inadequate parts or don't look good enough to attract a potential what ever they are looking for have watched porn and been comparing themselves to those - well, I haven't seen them but I am guessing that is a lot of the issue. I asked my husband, how would you really know what was big or little if you haven't seen a diverse selection? Anyway it is real and the fantasy is the person partaking in the porn and believing they must have the "equipment", the mate built like that, the setting, the props and I am guessing unlimited energy (people this is their job to support themselves and their habits - it is a lifestyle for those people).............I see this as a medium for those that lack or just have no desire for intimacy in their lives, sadly. I was in a forum for sexual addiction for several months and it was an education on the "dark" side.

[hell2breakfast]

Hi Helltobreakfast,

You wrote an intriguing comment:

What I find so fascinating about this comment is that you touch upon part of the entire problem of pornography. Of course, porno is not just fantasy because the people depicted are real, flesh and blood people. Some of them do the porno voluntarily for money and some of them are unwillingly exploited. In those ways, porno is very real.

However, at the very same time, porno is designed to be fantasy. It is designed to stimulate the sexual fantasies that people have and that they use to become sexually stimulated. A man or woman may look at the porno and get excited by the nature of the fantasy that the actors are acting out. Yet, they are not just acting because they are very real. In other words, porno seems to fall into the categories of real and fantasy.

What do you think?

Allan:)

Hi Allan!

I think that if a person has a healthy view of themself and the opposite sex they will not seek out porn. Prcisely because of the tendancy of porn to focus on only the genitals, with very little plot or meaning for the encounter. The only message that seems to be constant is that women are ONLY interested in huge Penises and men are ONLY interested in tight, young stuff...NOT TRUE. Thus it conveys a warped/skewed view of the opposite sex thereby exacerbating thier own unhealthy view of the opposite sex as either superior or inferior to their own. And as we tend to want to prove what we already believe (right or wrong) we will be stimulated by (in my case, seeing a women WANTING to be degraded, objectified, and used solely as a human dildo without regard for her feelings in the matter. In this way, I can justify my subconscious guilty desires)

However, since I am not actually the one engageing in the act I am more frustrated in the end and am left feeling even more inferior than before...I guess it would be similar to a rapist trying to prove he is better than his victim and everytime he rapes a woman he feels more estranged and so is compelled to try again...Hard to articulate actually.

But I know this. The more one focuses on the body the less attention is left for the thoughts/feelings of the person (Newtons third Law of Motion) and so they become no more than an object....and an object can't help us with our loneliness. That's what I think. What do you think?

[hell2breakfast]

Pornography is real in that it is in the flesh and happening. I was wondering just recently how many people that feel they have inadequate parts or don't look good enough to attract a potential what ever they are looking for have watched porn and been comparing themselves to those - well, I haven't seen them but I am guessing that is a lot of the issue. I asked my husband, how would you really know what was big or little if you haven't seen a diverse selection? Anyway it is real and the fantasy is the person partaking in the porn and believing they must have the "equipment", the mate built like that, the setting, the props and I am guessing unlimited energy (people this is their job to support themselves and their habits - it is a lifestyle for those people).............I see this as a medium for those that lack or just have no desire for intimacy in their lives, sadly. I was in a forum for sexual addiction for several months and it was an education on the "dark" side.

I fully agree with everything you have said, though there is much more to it than just the physical, that is a big component.

[silentmist]

with respect, pornography is real, fantasies are not.

I have no idea how this is to be interpreted as it's a truism in it's own right. I'd like it if you could elaborate.

[hell2breakfast]

I have no idea how this is to be interpreted as it's a truism in it's own right. I'd like it if you could elaborate.

Forgive me if I misunderstood your comment about porn being "real life" it is of course real to the performers and those unfortunate eneugh to think everyone is like that...like kids maybe?

[silentmist]

Forgive me if I misunderstood your comment about porn being "real life" it is of course real to the performers and those unfortunate eneugh to think everyone is like that...like kids maybe?

I'm in my 30's and have no interest in exposing children to pornography.

[brandi]

i love how people just always automatically assume that just because we enjoy pornography,masturbation and sex we must be nothing but a bunch of degenerates..

[IrmaJean]

I'm not judging you, brandi.

I do hope that we can maintain this discussion and continue to respect everyone's feelings about it.

[Guest GingerSnap]

Obviously, talking about the moral issues in such a discussion would be fruitless. Putting a stamp of approval on using sex to manage one's emotions is troubling though as down the road, emotions should be addressed - things like stress and depression need a better management tool than masturbation, sex or porn.

[silentmist]

Obviously, talking about the moral issues in such a discussion would be fruitless. Putting a stamp of approval on using sex to manage one's emotions is troubling though as down the road, emotions should be addressed - things like stress and depression need a better management tool than masturbation, sex or porn.

I think that porn and masturbation are a good way of managing my libido considering that an actual sexual relationship isn't available to me.

I'm a bit confused as to what this thread is about ... is it about porn addiction or the ease with which porn be can accessed, or something else?

[malign]

It's wandering a bit, as does any thread that reaches three pages.

What I'm starting to see, though, is that people are starting to take what's said personally. This is not likely to turn out well. :-)

Our purpose, as a site, is to support each other. The original poster expressed her view that pornography has had a negative impact on her life, and she sees a negative impact on society in general. Others have replied in the opposite. That's fine: that's a discussion.

But when it moves beyond that, into the realm of the personal, I would heartily suggest that we work to maintain our calm. In particular, I have not heard "everyone" calling anyone "degenerate", though I guess the word did get used.

My point, in all this, is that I will not let this "degenerate" into name-calling.

[katleen]

In nature, many kinds of activities go on. Different birds have different sexual behaviors. Canada Geese mate for life. Cockatiels, the males can be very permiscuous. I watched the partner he didn't choose raise her clutch nobly by herself. There are monkeys that steal and deceive, a flower that looks like a wasp, enticing the males to pollinate for them. They actually try to fly off with the flower. Even ants can differ from each other in their fighting styles. And the list goes on. We're human, some say we should be better, better than what? I see hard working, good people, turning their backs in self protection, blaming the poor and uneducated for their troubles. I say don't judge. Although we have common language, on the inside we are all very different. Yes, we need to learn better to not hurt each other, but maybe a little tolerance for each others differences might open our own horizons? We're all struggling. I saw a porno movie one time, that every time the guy lied it grew, until he had to carry it on a cart. I died laughing it was so funny.

Anyway

loves and hugs

katleen

[silentmist]

I'm definately a degenerate

The ease with with pornography can be accessed via the internet is definitely a problem for those that develop a habit or addiction to it. I think that can only be countered by exploring what it is that those people get out of it and what exposing themselves to porn means to them ... what is that stimulus connecting with in their mind?

I use porn to aid fantasies about people I've actually known but I've read that some people fantasise about the image they're looking at ... it's quite a complex thing really when you think about it.