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I Failed...


Nicolec
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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Nicole,

I agree with everyone in their support of you. Relapse always happens. The idea is to not beat youself up. You are only human and recovery takes time and patience. Progress means lots of forward movement and some backward sliding.

Please: keep your courage.

Allan :)

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Hi Nicole, You've had a setback, you have not failed. It's that old black of white thinking that gets us in trouble. If we slip and end up on our butt once in awhile, we project it to means that we are useless overall. But we aren't you know, most of time we can walk just fine. So put more emphasis on the journey you are on than that fall you recently took. It's always a matter of getting up again and going on, which sometimes takes energy, but that's life isn't it, a journey?

Stay strong and don't be too hard on yourself, it doesn't do any good anyway :cool: ....

Edited by Symora
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I couldn't do it, I couldn't be strong, and now... now I've failed the s/i. Too late to take it back, to hard to stop it. I'm useless and I screwed up, actually, let me rephrase that... I'm screwed up.

Nicolec,

Recovering from SI is never a straight , one way path. It is always rocky , and their will be times , especially when stressed out, it is too easy to fall back into SI . That is the trap . This is NOT personal. SI is like any other coping behavior , once learned and their is a pattern it is extremely hard not to go back to it .

This is in NO WAY meaning the person is a failure or screw up .PLease try and stop thinking this way about yourself, it is NOT TRUE. What is true is that your feeling this way because you want to be able to stop doing the behavior, and now feel upset that you gave in to it. i'd like you to know that I SI, and have talked to many others who do . When they are trying to quit, they always, and I mean always feel so badly when they SI .

The problem with that is if you get to hard on yourself about it , and become very upset with yourself, the urge to SI again is going to take hold and be greater , much harder to fight off those urges, thus a vicious cycle has emerged .

Take care of the SI wounds, take away any objects that you could use to SI , and start over... Whats done is done, time to move forward , and try again...

Write down on paper alternatives you can use instead of SI. Call a friend, read, dance, exercise , get out and be with others, none ever Si's around other people... WHen you feel the urge to SI look at your alternatives, and try them.

BTW, only people who are trying to quit si'ing feel badly when they slip up. People who Are into self harming do not feel any ounce of regret . This means that you are way ahead . Because you want to stop . Which means in no way your a failure , or any other negative self talk you may feel.

Keep going , and just remember you DO want to stop, and you are going to the effort to try not to, even though their was a little slip .

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I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now, Nicolec. :) Try to treat yourself gently and know that while this has been a bump along the way, it is not one that will stop you from progressing forward on the path to healing. Sometimes there is strength inside of us that is much greater than we we give ourselves credit for. And by believing in yourself the strength you discover from within may one day push back and not fall down. I hope you feel better.

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It just feels like I always slip up in everything I do, like, no matter how hard I try I take more steps back than I do forward. Honestly, right now I’ve had enough; I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t even know why I tried to start with, I feel like giving up completely. From one minute to the next it feels like nothing is worth it, I feel so exhausted, so tired off trying. It just seems like one day soon I won’t be able to pick myself back up, like I used all my strength up last time and I just don’t want to get back up. I’m sick of fighting with myself, sick of feeling like the only reason I exist is to be pushed down! :mad::(

Hi Nicolec,

Are you in therapy? If not , I know it would help you work through these feelings you are having, and help you feel better.

I understand how hard this is , taking steps backwards more then forwards. However, you can fight it, and it really helps to have the support duringthis time.

You can get back up with support and understanding of what you are going through. You exsist more then to be pushed down again. It is not fair for you not to have the extra support that I beleive you really need at this time.

Self harm is a way to temporaily feel better and to cope, but it is no solution to what your experiencing.

I've learned the hard way myself, when things are bad . I hope that you will be ok and start feeling better , even when things become difficult .

What kinds of things are pushing you down ? You deserve so much more and to be happy. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order to begun to heal. Keep writing your thoughts and feelings in here and get support . However, I think you really need more support from a professional .

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Nicole,

This is the time, if you're out of energy inside you, that you have to go seek energy from outside ... There are lots of people out there who will help you, if you find them and ask them. I've been there. Trust me, there's a way out.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Nicole,

I am giving my support to what Jetliner said:) Nicole, what is stopping you from going to a local counselor. Even in our rural communities, there are hospitals, medical offices and help available.

Allan

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Welcome back Nicole.... :)

I am sooooooo proud of you!!!! I can only imagine the courage it took to take that step and talk with your mum!!! I'm glad it went well and it makes my heart smile to hear about how supportive she is being. That she not only believed you but is taking measures to support you in the best way she can. Hold on to that Nicole. You are loved. By her and by us!!!! :)

Good work little one!!! Let the healing begin!!!!

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Nicole,

that took a lot of strengh to talk to you mom :) I think it is wonderful that you were able to. Sounds like she was very understanding and supportive. Moms are suppose to be like this, and you are fortunante. Your mom loves you and cares so much about you and your needs. Now you will be able to have the professional help , + the support of your family .I think you are on your way to a much happier you.

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