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Never going to happen


goose
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I realized today that I just can't do it, I can not be a social person. I don't know how to connect with people. I am so afraid of rejection of being judged I push people away. Anyway I just don't have the social skills, never did , never will, it's never going to happen.

I wish I could be happy with the person I am, I wish it didn't matter but I am just so incredibly lonely and sad.

Goose

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Goose, I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad and lonely. :P Did something specific happen to put your mind in this negative place right now? I think that if I can learn to be social, then you can too! Change is a struggle with many ups and downs along the way, but you can do it. I believe in you. What is it, do you think, that is keeping you from believing in yourself?

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Being social , and happy is very difficult... It does not always come naturally to people, no matter hard they try.

How about family members? can you feel comfortable with them? Perhaps start there? Feeling lonely and sad , means that it is bothersome to you, and upsetting. Can you talk to people in your family?

People who already love and care for you are not so rejecting , or judgemental. We are here too in this community , to help you and give you support.

I hope you can feel better , and things won't be so hard for you.

mscat

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Thank you eveyone for your replies. I am starting from a position of having being diagnosed with Social Phobia and Avoidant Personality Disorder.

ImraJean, really what triggered my post was : I had just come back from therapy, and no matter how much I pretend everything is fine he has a way of digging deeply and getting me to admit what I am really feeling. He said he was going to "gently nudge me" on the Social thing and this scares me.

Malign, I know I shouldn't be using the word "never" , I think it is my way of avoiding doing something. As much as I talk to people on the forum, I still feel an outsider, that there is something odd about me, cause I can't do it. Yes I have come a long way in the past number of months, but I slip back in to my old habits too easily.

Bluerose I try to pretend that I don't need other people that I am happy with my own company, maybe my expectations are too high.

mscat, I have 9 brothers and sisters and I do enjoy their company. There is one sister who I feel I can talk to easily. I always go to family events and things are improving there, I am making more of an effort to converse with my brothers and sisters-in-law.

Ghostgirl, It is good to know that others understand how you feel, thanks.

ttjack, you are right, my therapist has said to me that I never learnt to socialize but that it can be learnt.

Goose

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Bluerose, I try to pretend that I don't need other people that I am happy with my own company, maybe my expectations are too high.

Goose,

The ‘pretending’ is a kind of strategy. Have you heard the expression “Fake it till you make it” and “Act as if things are the way you want them to be until they are”? That’s what is involved in the learning to be more of… or better at… process. It’s not just pretending. It knowing your pretending but with a goal in mind.

We are what we think we are. If we don’t like something about ourselves then we change how we think about ourselves.

It takes time and it takes some work. It all depends on how much you want to improve the quality of your life.

We have faith until we believe and we believe until we know.

It’s a process and it takes time but it’s doable.

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