mscat Posted January 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Things have settled down finally. It is still bad weather , but now, i have been at home , safe, not out where it is too much to deal with. It feels as if I am weak, and this is what I do not like to think about myself. I can't understand what happend . Because I was not like this before, the older I become , the more jaded I feel , and cynical I am towards people in general. That is a ugly feeling. Either I am very scared or I am hateful. My emotions are all over the place when I have to leave the apt. At home it is more stable .My little dog, she is my protector, barks at the slightest noise from outside. I am not lonely or anything either. My son , he is gone to school all day . It is do very quiet around here in this very small town. i am , though making progress. Taking ALL meds .. decided it is for the best. Did go to the MD, and finally talked to him about the pain , and what it was from. He was so nice. And non judgemental .I lucked out big time. He perscibed pain meds 2 of them. I was able to pick up paper work yesterday from the Dr's a DMV printout for handicap parking, now that I have loss of mobility esp in one arm, can't bend it, + the hands won't close, and too much pain in the shoulders. He also found a physcial therapist who works with burn patients and gave me a referral and made a appoint. for me. Things are looking up . Finally . But, it is difficult , because I know what I did , the self harming went too far, leaving me in this condition , and the mental issues to deal with all can become overwhelming. This is why I have to try to just be calm and have it quiet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Hi mscat... good for you for doing all that you did, going to the Dr, getting the paperwork together etc...!!! Please forgive yourself for what happened, I dont know all the details but from what I am reading you were ill at the time....The physical therapy should help you and well I hope the meds are good to you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 A little bit at a time, mscat, and you'll find your way. You've been through a whole lot lately. You seem very caring to me. I've seen you offering your support to others here on the boards. Maybe some of the difficult feelings will ease as you get yourself healthy again. And I agree with Linda that you offer yourself forgiveness for the past. Be gentle with yourself and hopefully the days will get easier for you. It seems as if you are on your way. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted January 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 Thanks Irmajean, that was very nice . I had anther home visit on Friday . From the same woman . I let her in and we takled for a while. She said the self harm that I do is weird .I laughed. But then I thought about it, and it kind of hurt my feelings. Made me feel like I was a freak . That is not funny anymore. Esp. now trying to deal with lack of mobilty, physcical pain, mental issues, a autistic child, and very little support. I am not going to let it get it to me, but I may think twice aboutletting her come inside my home for visist ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 24, 2010 Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 I can't believe she said that to you, mscat. :mad: And this hurt your feelings. I am sorry that happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluerose Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 What she said was rather tactless, maybe she doesn’t have much experience in dealing with this sort of thing. That said, you are coming across like a woman ready to take charge. Stay strong and know that we are paying attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted February 3, 2010 Report Share Posted February 3, 2010 Haven't heard from you in a while, mscat. Hope that you are doing okay and all is well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluerose Posted February 3, 2010 Report Share Posted February 3, 2010 I'd like to join with IrmaJean and hope things are going okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted February 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Hi there, been sick with the flu , so pretty much been laying down trying to rest, hard to do when throwing up so much.. but, the worst is over now. just have a bad cold and cough left. went and talked to my pdoc and he switched around my meds yesterday morning. I had not talked to him since the last really severe bout of SI , which was in Nov. I also saw my therapist , but was really tired by then. I've just been wiped out since getting sick . the exhaustion is the most difficult , I think I became a little dehydrated . But on the mend now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Glad your on the mend mscat.... keep yourself out of the hospital for the flu and keep hydrated!!! Just relax if you are tired so you don't relapse... get well soon.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluerose Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Glad to hear you're on the mend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symora Posted February 6, 2010 Report Share Posted February 6, 2010 I was wondering where you had gone?? Besides the cold it sounds like you are becoming more able to do things.... it will be good when you are able to go to therapy and get some help with the mobility issues. It's nice to see you healing a little at a time and to hear you sounding stronger. It is very inspiring to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted February 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2010 I rely heavily on the assistance of my brother , to come over and help us. Normal everyday stuff is very difficult to do, if not impossible. Esp. when I was sick , but , at least that part is getting better. I become tired very easiely these days. Sleep a lot even with the neds I take and the coffee. Yesterday, was a circus. My brother took us grocery shppoing and my 18 yr old niece came along to do her own shopping. I ended up sitting in the cae 45min for her while she went clothing shopping. then going to superwalmart was a madhouse. Too many people, so I just zoned out, rode in one of those scooters , because of lack of mobility, and the store is giant. Then, my brother could not find my son and I. i let him borrow my cell phone so he could be in contact with his daughter, which she walked to walmart, so their was no way he could call me now. it sucked, he had my car keys too. I finally saw them and yelled , then they got caught in line for anther 30min. Made me sleep until 12:30pm the next day. Oh well it is a rainy Saturday. at least that is over. sometimes the help is not all so great , lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 6, 2010 Report Share Posted February 6, 2010 Oh another one fo those days in walmart. oh mscat I feel for you!!!! well you got rain, I got over a foot of snow!!! and , I have no choice, I'm stuck in the house!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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