My son, how can i help him

[Sweetmom2]

My son is 4. Sometimes hes getting so preocupied i cant even get him to potty/listen/respond. When i take him away from the activity he starts to scream angrily. Sometimes hell wet himself.

Im taking him to a occupational therapist and a psychologist. The psyc thought hes adhd cuz he was all over. The therapist is working with us and hes concentration and willingness to do things and muscle ability and balance is improving. Im also doing the brush technique with him. At the moment im demotivated cuz he hates it and with a 1 yr old to manage and protect from him as well..i am mentally and emotionally tired. My biggest concern is him being preoccupied and screaming when i take him from it/wets himself unknowingly.

[IrmaJean]

Hi Sweetmom2. Are talking about removing your son from a situation or activity you don't want him to be doing? Distraction can be a key to survival in the early years as I recall. It always seemed to work best for me when I approached them calmly and attempted to gently distract them with another activity. At age 4 your son is likely wanting to assert his independence. If you remove him abruptly, I can imagine how that could be difficult. Of course sometimes there is no other alternative depending on the particular situation. As far as potty training goes...there are many schools of thought on how to best handle this. I always just let my kids go at their own pace with it. My youngest daughter was 4 1/2 before she got the hang of it and even now at age 8 she will still very occasionally have an accident. These things happen sometimes. I think the main thing is to try and stay calm (easier said than done, I know), clean them up, give them a hug and kiss and move on.

It sounds as if you are doing everything you can to help your son find his way. Growing up can be kind of tough. Hopefully your son's psychologist can help you with further suggestions. Don't forget to take care of yourself as well. Give yourself a break sometimes. Get some support when you can and know that rarely will things ever go perfectly. But your son is learning day by day and little by little. Soon the day will come when things get a bit easier. Good luck, Sweetmom2.

[Symora]

Hi SweetMom, I'm sorry you're having a tough time with the kids. Mine are all grown up and no grandkids yet, so I'm not in a position to be very helpful, but I do remember how tiring it can be.... it does get better as they grow up though, if that is any consolation :-)

[goose]

Hi Sweetmom2

This is a difficult time for you, very tiring and frustrating.

It is good that you have the psychologist and ot involved, so that if there is to be any diagnosis that you have got it early. My son was 11 when he was diagnosed with ADHD and learning difficulties and I believe that if we had known earlier that we would have been able to help him more.

Just another thought, could he be reacting to the new arrival (your 1 year old), maybe he is feeling insecure?

Make sure to take care of yourself.

Goose

[David O]

Hi Sweetmom,

I'm so sorry for what you're going thru. I see parents almost daily who describe their children with ADHD in a similar vein, and it's never an easy road. This is especially true when you have another younger child in tow.

What we do is design individualized applied behavioral analysis programs for the home and school and if the parents are faithful, committed and extremely consistent, the programs are a success >85% of the time. The times we have less success are most primarily based on 2-3 reasons: 1) there are additional emotional conditions with the child (severe depression, anxiety, an attachment disorder, etc.) that complicate the situation; 2) the environment (severe poverty, both parents work long hours, etc.); and, 3) parents are not able to implement the plan due to other dynamics in the home (e.g., marital discord, in-law issues, mental health concerns in one or both parents). There are other reasons, but these are the main ones.

I'm not sure if there are other issues but did want to venture a guess based on your other writings that there may be specific family dynamics that would interfere with your ability to manage the situation. In addition, my sense from your writings in the past is that you may experiencing significant stressors or personal issues that would affect you ability to implement a home-based program? I raise this b/c ADHD symptoms can be managed in the home (even with a 2 year old in tow), once everyone is on board, consistent and committed to 2-6 months of instituting behavioral changes for everyone. This is not for the faint of heart, but it is effective even w/o medication, although meds may sometimes be helpful at the start.

So the key questions are highlighted above. My hope is that prior to looking at your child as the carrier of ADHD, that you carefully also look at any family dynamics that may be worsening or sustaining the symptoms.

Good luck and I hope these rather direct questions are received as intended-- with compassion and understanding. My hope is that you will respond to the various posts here as there is an emerging pattern of this not happening after you've written in, which leaves us increasingly more concerned and a bit confused.

David

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Sweetmom,

Has the psychologist suggested an evaluation for medication? That should not be ruled out. Medication can help make the youngster more available for behavioral therapy.

Allan