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need help with my eating disorder


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having hard time eating an keeping food down afterwords ,and i also have hard time not giving into eating disorder and self harm urges after eating.what do i do?

I always feel guilty after eating and try to punish me for eating.im underweight and close to being severly malnourished

I REALLY NEED HELP IN THIS im close to having to be hospitalized cause of severe malnutrition

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Guest ASchwartz

Dear Ethnicgirl,

With all sincerity and worry, my reaction is to tell you that a hospitalization might be the best thing for you at this time. These eating disorders are deadly and must be taken very seriously. In the hospital, you can be helped to get back to a healthier weight and to learn to handle both food and emotions. I have lots of experience with this as a therapist and believe I might be right. Of course, I don't know you and cannot make a reliable decision but this is my "sense" of it based on what you just wrote.

What do you and others think?

Allan:(

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Well, it's true that you don't need a hospital if you can have a healthy relationship with your body.

But, I think it was you who said, less than 24 hours ago,

i cant do that body does not deserve

That you couldn't feel okay eating because your body somehow does not "deserve" it. Objectively, is that a safe place to be; is that a healthy relationship with your body? Bodies don't "deserve" food, they die without food.

It's hard for me to tell, because of how shortly you write, but do you refer to your body as if it were someone, or even something, separate from you? You do realize that the someone that's dying is you, don't you?

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I dont need a hospital , and yes i was distracted enough yester thanks to people here.

I agree with you Allan.

As I said in another thread to Ethnicgirl that i hope we distracted you over the weekend from self injury. The extent of your malnutrition is as Allan said very serious and I hope you reach out to the program you are in and seek help from the therapist or Dr.

There is absloutley nothing wrong with going to the hospital and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I think it is the best thing for you to get the professional help you need to get your body and mind feeling better.

I suspect you already knew this? But I am glad we were here for you :)

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Well, I wasn't threatening you with hospitalization ...

I'm just wondering what you think will help you get healthy, that's all.

And I wrote my post before I saw yours, saying you don't need a hospital. You might not, so long as you find yourself another way that works.

I went to a hospital, myself; not for an ED, but out of fear that I would kill myself. For me, it did the job: when I got out, I was safe again.

But you should do whatever will work for you.

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Well, I wasn't threatening you with hospitalization ...

I'm just wondering what you think will help you get healthy, that's all.

And I wrote my post before I saw yours, saying you don't need a hospital. You might not, so long as you find yourself another way that works.

I went to a hospital, myself; not for an ED, but out of fear that I would kill myself. For me, it did the job: when I got out, I was safe again.

But you should do whatever will work for you.

thanks i apperciate it an i know you were not threating me with that

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Know how you MIGHT feel about hospitals.... I like the mental health floor,,,, but I worry when I am there how the world can go on without me.... IF you are malnutritioned....and can't eat and keep it down, the hospital MIGHT save your life.... I want you to know ..... IF you get nothing else from this post... YOU ARE IMPORTANT.... WE NEED YOU.... others need you too but until you can realize it ... WE need you......

I was underweight for years... People thought I had Aids.... ate like a horse but never gained weight now I am 80 lbs over weight...still not happy... will I ever be??? But Honey PLEASE hang on..... WE on this site are here for you...

Hugs JT

PM me any time

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aww thanks i apperciate that so much it makes it worth it to hang in there ,and yea im trying to eat healthy an stay out of the hospital, i see ,my dietition tommorrow and will let u all know how that goes.

I need you guys to alot now . if you guys dont judge me and try to guilt me into gettin healthy.

:)

Know how you MIGHT feel about hospitals.... I like the mental health floor,,,, but I worry when I am there how the world can go on without me.... IF you are malnutritioned....and can't eat and keep it down, the hospital MIGHT save your life.... I want you to know ..... IF you get nothing else from this post... YOU ARE IMPORTANT.... WE NEED YOU.... others need you too but until you can realize it ... WE need you......

I was underweight for years... People thought I had Aids.... ate like a horse but never gained weight now I am 80 lbs over weight...still not happy... will I ever be??? But Honey PLEASE hang on..... WE on this site are here for you...

Hugs JT

PM me any time

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plan for if things get worse for me and tips to help you help me:

  • don't try to guilt me into eating.
  • be patient with me .
  • be careful not to trigger me with weight talk .
  • dont talk about cals to me ,say no i dont want to talk about that if i bring cals up.
  • ask me if you are unsure of what to say or what suggestions you could make on food to eat that ill be ok with and wont get trggered by eating it as much.
  • when trying to persuade me to eat dont let me telll you otherwise or manupliate or control.
  • after eating and im complaining about urges do try to distract me by moving on to another topic or saying i dont think that talking about the urges will hlp you get better,etc.

  • when im wanting to badly self harm give me some suggestionson stuff to do instead or say i would like you to stay safe so please remove the thing you would plan on using to si away from you or at least hide it so you wont be tempted.

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Hey Ethnic girl...

That's a great list with some good advice on it. Have you thought of posting it as a reminder to yourself???? It might help you counter your own thoughts.

yea i have i was thnking of printing it out to have on hand with me also ,and i feel like i am a fat pig , cant beileve i ate so much stupid me

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Well, like I just said, no one else can tell you whether to eat, or not.

Maybe I can ask you some questions that will help?

You say you're dizzy from hunger, and that your body needs to eat.

On the other hand, you say that you won't "allow" it food, and that you're afraid to eat.

What are you afraid will happen, if you eat? If you're dizzy from hunger, there's very little chance that you'll get fat from one reasonable meal. On the other hand, if you're fat, there's not much chance of being dizzy from hunger.

I'm not there; I can't tell which it is. You'll have to decide.

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Well, like I just said, no one else can tell you whether to eat, or not.

Maybe I can ask you some questions that will help?

You say you're dizzy from hunger, and that your body needs to eat.

On the other hand, you say that you won't "allow" it food, and that you're afraid to eat.

What are you afraid will happen, if you eat? If you're dizzy from hunger, there's very little chance that you'll get fat from one reasonable meal. On the other hand, if you're fat, there's not much chance of being dizzy from hunger.

I'm not there; I can't tell which it is. You'll have to decide.

im afraid of getting fat, and getting out of control in eating.

Lately my acid reflux is acting up alot last night acid burned so i had to take ibprofen an two alcker selzer tabelts.

I ate a sandwhich recently

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How realistic do you think your fears are?

For instance, have you been out of control, with your eating, before?

Have you asked other people for their opinions, to assess whether you might be fat?

I'm glad that you ate. But just for independent comparison, most people eat something each day, without gaining any weight. It's just that they've decided that that's what their bodies need. It's not a sign that they've lost control.

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